How Do I Know If He's My Friend?!

By Tosin Ojumu

A short ebook from my relationship series and blog: "Finding Mr Huggie-Wuggie" that is all about building an outstanding foundation for an outstanding Christian marriage. This ebook contains 8 articles:

How Do I Know If He’s My Friend?!
“...However, this is my big challenge, as always. When you are strongly attracted to someone, and you have started dating them, then will you not emulate all of these things while you are dating, even if it is not fully sincere? Will you not talk endlessly about things, demonstrate care, concern and generosity for and to one another? Will you not go out of your way to support his interests, as he too will go out of his way to support your own? So how then would you know that there is indeed genuine friendship between the two of you?...”

But Lord, I'm Lonely Now!!!
“... And I cried out to God in my spirit: “But God, I’m lonely now! I don’t need a husband two years from now, I need a husband as of two years ago!” This following is a sobering thought. That is, it has occurred to me since then (as it has occurred to me countless times before then) that the man I marry will be desperately flawed, as everyone is, so even if we are both Christians who pursue Christ as hard as we can, the marriage just may not provide the unmitigated joy and tender companionship that I expect to find there; that is, what I am lonely for...”

Whatever You Want in Marriage
" So what exactly is it that you are (legitimately!) yearning for above all in marriage? Is it sex? Is it money? Is it children? Is it some measure of security? Is it companionship? Is it all of the above?! (Can I hear an "Amen"?!) You might think that sitting around, making the effort to get to know someone, building a friendship is all very well, if like me you're into hugs and emotional intimacy. But if you want something quite different, then the path to it might be different? But no. "

The Strange Balance of Marriage
" This is why unconditional love is more than a feeling, because it will require us countless times to act above our natural feelings and inclinations. So it has to be stronger than a feeling, otherwise our behaviour towards our spouses will vary depending on how we are feeling. For there to be true stability and security in marriage, both parties have to be sure of unconditional love from one another. "

Love is Sincerely Not About the Other Person!
" When people talk about love, when someone has found someone else whom they decide to marry, for instance, the impression that tends to be given, is that there is something so phenomenally special about this person that has provoked in me a desire, a wish, a longing to love them with all my effort, my commitment, my passion, my faithfulness, forever. The point I am making in this post is that that is simply not true of any human being, that they are genuinely that phenomenal to that extent. "

Lord, Please Give Me a Prayer Warrior!
"Imagine having someone who is constantly in the Spirit, who lives in the presence of God. Imagine being able to constantly bounce ideas off one another, build one another up, push one another forward! Alongside the intense prayer focus, imagine too the more romantic side of this: living with someone who uses me to practise his unconditional love and tenderness. Well hello Baby!!!"

What It Means to Be Attractive
"I know that it is the joy in my heart that lights up my eyes (usually with mischief) and puts a wide beaming smile on my face and laughter into my mouth. I know that this is the most attractive thing about me as a person and this is what makes me happiest about myself and happiest to be myself. There is also joy and confidence in the future and being thankful for my life and grateful for all that God has made me, and all that He is doing in my life. And I know that that is also extremely attractive."

And "All About Two Years”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tosin Ojumu
• Release date: Jun 9, 2019
• ISBN: 9781370640478

Tosin Ojumu

Hello, my name is Tosin and for many years I have sat down and thought through questions about how to have an outstandingly successful marriage, and what I need to do before I get married to best ensure that successful marriage. Over the next few weeks and months I aim to publish a new ebook everyday from my blog and relationship series "Finding Mr Huggie-Wuggie." Visit my blog address listed here to see the full list of ebooks as well as video excerpts for each ebook :)

Book preview

How Do I Know If He's My Friend?!

Copyright 2019 by Tosin Ojumu

Published at Smashwords.com

Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

Table of Contents

All About Two Years

How Do I Know If He's My Friend?!

But Lord, I'm Lonely Now!

Whatever You Want in Marriage

The Strange Balance of Marriage

Love is Sincerely Not About the Other Person!

Lord, Please Give Me a Prayer Warrior!

What It Means to Be Attractive

Cover image by DavidRockDesign on Pixabay

The ebook summary is available on my website at https://huggie-wuggie.com/excerpts/ebook-how-do-i-know-if-hes-my-friend/

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All About Two Years

This article was previously posted on my blog "Finding Mr Huggie-Wuggie" on 02 February 2014.

To see this article in other formats please check out my website at: https://huggie-wuggie.com/excerpts/all-about-two-years/

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In this post I would like to write about my personal conviction regarding the two year theory. For people who do not regularly follow my relationship writings, what I mean by that is the idea of getting to know someone for a full two years before starting a romantic relationship with them. It is an idea that has developed over the course of my writing these posts to the point where I would like to crystallise it into its own post.

I was discussing this issue with one of my sisters a few weeks ago, and she disagreed with this whole two year theory altogether. Reflecting on our discussion, it occurred to me that this two year theory is my own personal conviction. It is based on my own personal experiences with individuals and with churches. I am not saying that God cannot work differently for other people, to bring about a viable and powerful relationship after you have only known someone even for a matter of weeks, or months. I am not even saying that God might not work differently for me. In my own case it is entirely possible that God might inspire something between me and someone I have not known for up to two years. However, as things currently are, this two year theory is my default position. I am willing to consider alternative paths only if God very strongly and very unmistakably shows otherwise. Otherwise I am utterly committed to waiting a full two years before considering anyone romantically.

These are some of the thoughts that have occurred to me about this:

The period of two years is not just a random length of time I chose from nowhere. It was chosen because that is the length of time that is generally accepted as being long enough to reliably get to know someone. If you've only known someone for a single year, then it is entirely possible that you might be deceived by their character. Perhaps deceived is too strong a word - perhaps mistaken would be kinder. However, there are definitely some people - especially Christians - who go around pretending to be different from what they are. In fact, a little confession - I myself - very very deliberately - often go to different churches deliberately not revealing the intensity of my commitment to Christ; combined with my simple dressing, this lets people think I am the Christian equivalent of an unassuming little mouse. This is not really for the sake of deceiving a future husband though, because I definitely plan to reveal who I am so that he would see the real me. (If he bothered to read my writings, he would see the real me in a trice.) Rather, it is for the sake of assessing and evaluating the churches and the people within them, and how they treat people who they think are small, or how they act when they do not see any particular reason to try to impress someone. It is also to assess the extent of the Spirit of God within people; if they had the Spirit of God working powerfully within them, then they should be able to tell.

I flatter myself that I must be quite a good actress, because most people seem to fall for it - that is, the idea that I think of myself as being small or that I do not claim any deep commitment to Christ - which, frankly, they would not do if they were deeply plugged into the Spirit of God – and thereby they reveal in a very wide open way the smallmindedness of their supposed faith. To be very clear, it is not that I lie, it is rather that I withold information and let people jump to their own conclusions – and then I observe accordingly (I'm giving away all my secrets here!). As Proverbs says the prudent man conceals knowledge: Proverbs 12v23. When I finally stand to my full height and start roaring like the lioness I am, most people simply cannot believe it or accept that that is