No, You Shouldn’t ‘Date ’Em ’Til You Hate ’Em’
You probably know the “spark.” It shows up in countless romantic comedies, and occasionally in post-date debriefs with annoyingly lovestruck friends. It’s the instant chemistry, the “butterflies,” the heady rush—the mysterious feeling that someone is just right for you. It’s also not exactly a realistic expectation.
Disillusionment in the spark didn’t just recently begin, but lately it’s been gaining momentum. Dating coaches and scholars alike have warned that even if you don’t feel a fizzy excitement when you first meet someone, you might still end up falling for them. Perhaps they’re nervous or tired in the initial encounter; perhaps you just haven’t realized what makes them great. If you drawn to someone off the bat, it could be because they feel familiar, Kevin Lewis, a UC San Diego sociologist, told me. Maybe they remind you of an ex, variations of whom you seem to keep dating. Maybe, as Logan Ury, a behavioral scientist for Hinge and the author of, argues , a spark just means the other person is hot or charming. Slow burns, evidently, are in. First impressions—and their attendant misperceptions—are out.
