Christian Dating Rules for Men, Women, the Young & Old(er)

By Rhonda Habisreitinger

Christian Dating Rules are for men, women, young, and older who find themselves dating in the twenty-first century. Whether you're black, white, purple, or green with yellow polka dots, this is the way everyone should date. Although the title states "Christian," you do not need to be a Christian to read and follow the rules. Dating has changed a lot over the years and across the globe, and this book is designed to help those who are new to dating, already dating, or find themselves returning to the world of dating. If you don't have recent experience in dating or you find yourself disappointed in your previous attempts at dating, this book is designed to help you date differently than what has become common in the world today. The author uses personal experience she has gained over three decades, along with biblical scriptures, to guide readers in how people should date. No matter what your spiritual beliefs may be, if you want a true, honest, and wholesome dating life, with the hopes of finding someone special to share your life with, this book is meant for you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 24, 2020
• ISBN: 9781644713471

Book preview

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Christian Dating Rules For Men, Women, the Young & Old(er)

Rhonda Habisreitinger

ISBN 978-1-64471-346-4 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64471-347-1 (Digital)

Copyright © 2019 Rhonda Habisreitinger

All rights reserved

First Edition

Scripture quotes used in writing this book come from the Message translation to help readers better understand what the scripture says in plainer language. I encourage readers to look scriptures up in other translations (such as NIV, ASV, Celebrate Recovery, Messianic Jewish Bible, etc.), to help better comprehend the meaning, context, and true spirit of what God is saying to us.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books, Inc.

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

Table of Contents

Author’s Words

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Free Milk

The Purpose of Dating

When to Date

When Not to Date

Methods of Dating

Begin the Dating Process

Dating Rules for Men

Dating Rules for Women

Christian Dos and Dont’s

Disappointment and Discouragement

What Is Love?

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Serious Dating

Engagement

Getting Married

Conclusion

Personal Experiences

About the Author

This book is dedicated to the following: my parents, Gary and Linda Habisreitinger, who have supported and encouraged me throughout my entire life; to my youngest sister, Sandra Pace, whom I’ve always had a special relationship with; to my dear aunt, Shirley Akiz, who has loved and cherished me since the day I was born; to my neighbor and many times confidant, Randy Dupuy, because I may not have written this book without his influence; and to the memories of my uncle, George Habisreitinger Jr., my sister, Bonnie Whittington, and my great-grandmother, Alberta Seebold Brink Hammond, all of whom I love, miss, and hope to see again in eternity with Jesus. In addition, I dedicate this book to Gary Hebert, my actual first boyfriend, although not in the traditional sense of boyfriends and not the one I discuss in this book. Gary has encouraged me and bolstered my confidence in publishing this book. He is dear to me and I appreciate his friendship in my life very much.

There are many others, too numerous to mention, I also dedicate it to, but I dedicate this book to you too, the reader, and pray my words will encourage and inspire you to live as we are supposed to.

Finally, and most importantly, I dedicate this book to God Almighty and our Lord, Savior, and the Messiah Yeshua, who paid the ultimate price for all of us and our salvation. In the name of Yeshua, may all the people and the nations be saved!

Disclaimer

This book is designed for adults, but if you plan to give this to someone younger, please know there are serious and sexual situations discussed in some of the chapters. I try to only give enough information or detail on these matters to help people understand why there are these rules and what caused me to give advice on dating. I suggest you read this book before giving it to someone young to determine if they are ready for what is discussed. I include multiple situations to help people be prepared for what the dating world looks like today. It would not be fair for me to avoid discussing these matters just because it may offend some people. The sad truth is, much of what happens today while dating is offensive, and my aim is to caution people, especially Christians and Jews, as to what they may face when they enter the world of dating.

If you’re considering giving this book to someone younger than eighteen, or someone who has lived a somewhat sheltered life such as homeschooled young adults, talk to them first. Ask them what they have experienced or heard about from others. Chances are they know more than you think they do, but don’t be judgmental or become upset by what you hear. Be open and honest with them and explain to them about this book and how you believe it may help them stay true to their values.

Above all, pray on it, speak to your spouse or the other parent and let the Holy Spirit guide you in your actions. All praise and glory to God! Amen!

Author’s Words

If our Message is obscure to anyone, it’s not because we’re holding back in any way. No, it’s because these other people are looking or going the wrong way and refuse to give it serious attention. All they have eyes for is the fashionable god of darkness. They think he can give them what they want, and that they won’t have to bother believing a truth they can’t see. They’re stone-blind to the dayspring brightness of the Message that shines with Christ, who gives us the best picture of God we’ll ever get.

—2 Corinthians 4:3–4, MSG

I have been single my whole life and have gone on many dates over the years. I have never lived with a man, been married or engaged, and I have no children. I’ve had only one serious relationship in my life, which lasted about six years. He and I discussed getting married, but we were never engaged nor did we cohabitate during our relationship. We lived separately and knew we would only live together once we got married. When we broke up, I was very hurt, confused, angry, scared, and unsure of my life and my future. While we were together, I fantasized a bout our married life as husband and wife and what we would do together as we got older. When our relationship ended, I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under my feet.

Previously, as I dated, I didn’t concern myself if the other person believed in God or not, if they were a Christian, Jewish, a Buddhist, Wiccan or believed in some other form of mysticism. However, now that I’m a practicing Christian, it has become very important to me what the other person believes. For the most part I date Christians, but if the other person is Jewish or has a different belief, I would still accept the date and discuss our different beliefs to see what they know about Christianity and perhaps enlighten them to the Message of Christ.

I’ve basically always believed in God, but for many years I did not believe Jesus, or Yeshua, was the son of God or our savior. I knew that Jesus lived, and died, but I chose to believe he was just a really good man who may have been a prophet. It wasn’t until I began attending a nondenominational church and read the book The Harbinger by Jonathan Cahn that I came to realize Jesus was indeed our savior and died for our sins. The author, Jonathan Cahn, wrote this book, which enlightened me and led me to become a Christian; however, Jonathan Cahn is a Jewish Rabbi and biblical scholar who practices Messianic Judaism.

If you don’t know what Messianic Judaism is, they are people who believe Yeshua is their Messiah which is the same as Christians believing Jesus is their savior. Messianic Rabbis teach the Message of Yeshua from the New Testament while also practicing Judaism and backing up Jesus’ teachings by referring to prophecies made in the Old Testament. Most Christians haven’t heard about Messianic Judaism because they aren’t very well known, but they are growing day by day and bringing other Jewish believers to accept Jesus as their Messiah, or savior. If you would like to learn more about this other form of Judaism, please look up Rabbi Jonathan Bernis with Jewish Voice Ministries International and Rabbi Jonathan Cahn with Hope of the World Ministries. Whether you’re Christian, Jewish, or have some other belief, I highly recommend you look up these men, their foundations and encourage you to follow their teachings.

If you’re young and never dated, or you were married and now find yourself single again, I pray this book will help you get on the right track to finding that special someone God has planned for you. I will discuss some serious matters, some may even be more explicit than you might expect to find in a book about dating for Christians, but I’m trying to prepare you for the way many people date in the world today. I actually don’t want to discuss these things, but I’m trying to keep you from making the same mistakes I and others have made and also prepare you for situations you may find yourself in while dating. The honest-to-God truth is, I was wrong. As all Christians, I am flawed, I have sinned and I wish I hadn’t done or encountered a lot of things in my life. But those experiences have brought me to where I am today and allows me to give sound advice to help you know how to handle yourself if you encounter something similar.

If you’re older, be aware that the dating scene looks differently than it used to. Depending on your age will depend on what dating looked like when you were younger. Be warned, dating has changed a lot from how it used to be. If you’re thirty, forty, fifty, or even one hundred years old, please read this book completely and pay attention to my advice. I want to help you avoid some of the situations I have experienced while dating. But there’s a good chance, even if you follow my advice, you may still find yourself on a date with someone who isn’t who you thought they were.

No matter your age or background, reading this book and taking my advice is not a guarantee you won’t have bad encounters. Please keep in mind nothing is guaranteed when you date, other than maintaining your self-respect, keeping true to your morals and maintaining your faith in God and Jesus. I am trying to help you stay away from bad dates and sinful people, but with technology as it is and because of the world today, people are able to fool us when we least expect it. Do not give in to others and allow them to make you feel as if you’re weird, old-fashioned, out-of-date, a prude, a cold fish, a holy roller, etc. These are tactics used to try and make you conform to the world and give in to the other person’s desires, but as Christians and followers of God, we are called to not live as the world and to not give in to sinful temptations and desires of the flesh.

Unfortunately, I have lived as the world and found it disappointing over and over again. I am not proud to say I once engaged in sexual sin, drank to excess, used drugs, hung out in bars or nightclubs, and even dated married men who were separated from their wives. My ex-boyfriend (I’ll call him Brian) was separated from his wife for several years before we met. When we began dating, Brian was still married with three kids, but I was childless and he didn’t want any more. I was okay with that, and it helped that his children were well-behaved and respectful. Fortunately, I got along with his children, their mother and with the rest of his family. I imagined becoming a step-grandma as his kids got married and had children of their own. I was happy with this idea because his grandkids would know me all their lives and see me as a grandmother. I believed I had a future with Brian and I was looking forward to it. That future ended when we broke up.

While we were together, I felt there was something wrong with our relationship, but I didn’t know what to do or how to do it. When we were together I tried to do everything perfectly. Over the years, I saw couples experience problems in their relationships and what went wrong, so I tried to learn from their mistakes. So with Brian I was open, honest, and communicated how I felt and asked him to do the same. I wasn’t a practicing Christian when we began dating so I continued to date him in the same way I had dated others, with some minor changes. Unfortunately, I still made some of the same mistakes I made while dating previous men. Early in our relationship, my Christian walk began and I became an active Christian the longer we were together. There were several things we discussed and made changes in our relationship to be more in line with our Christian beliefs. When we broke up, I was a dedicated Christian. My faith had grown during the six years he and I were together and it continues to grow today.

When I found myself single again, I looked for some spiritual help with dating but couldn’t find any books about it. I found all kinds of Christian devotionals, Christian books on how to be single, Christian books for divorce, Christian books for being widowed, Christian books for raising children, Christian help books for couples, Christian books for women or men, books on managing your money as a Christian, books on how to pray to get a spouse, etc. When I searched dating for Christians, I found matchmaking websites, articles, advice, ten rules for Christian dating, etc. but I could not find any books telling Christians how they should date.

So I decided since I’ve been single my whole life and know so much about dating, and since I’m a Christian, I would write a book on how to date for Christians, for men and women, for the young and for the old(er) adult. No matter what stage of life you are in, this book and these rules are for you. Although I discuss some serious and mature issues, this book is designed for those who have never dated, those who are dating, those who are with someone but not married yet, and those who are returning to dating after being married, widowed, or have ended a long-term relationship. If you are reading this now, my book is for you, no matter what your relationship status is. I cannot stress this enough, if you are still married or still involved with someone, do not date others.

Until you are divorced or you no longer are in a relationship with someone, you should not date other people. I need to add that until your divorce is final and at least six months or a year or two have gone by since the relationship ended, you need to focus on yourself and your relationship with God. Now is not the time to begin dating. You need time to heal and become comfortable with yourself, become comfortable being by yourself and you need to build a strong relationship with God. If you add another person to your life before you have done these things, you may hurt them without meaning to and you will probably hurt yourself even more.

Talk to your pastor, minister, priest, reverend, rabbi, or a trusted member of your church. Get together with someone of the same gender at your church and meet with them regularly for a while before thinking about dating again. Well-intentioned family and friends may suggest you get back into the dating pool to get past whatever you have been through, but this is bad advice. If you’re single and meet someone whose relationship ended less than twelve months ago or they recently became widowed, do not date them now. If you really care about this person, and want to live in a godly way, you will wait for them to heal and get comfortable with themselves and with God before you try to date them.

Our world is full of lonely people with very different situations and from very different backgrounds. I wrote this book in honesty, and it is meant to help you navigate through this crazy world of dating. I pray in the precious name of Yeshua (Jesus) this book helps you, protects you, answers your questions, and guides you to a Christ-filled relationship with another believer, which will prosper you both