The Thirteenth Step

By Frances MacDonald

Me? An alcoholic? Nohow could I be? Im a teacher, a doctors daughter, and an Academic All-American. An alcoholic? No way! Or so I thought.

I went from a school fishing trip to the inside of a jail cell within three hours. I went from respected high school teacher to an impaired driver. I am an alcoholic. That was the hardest sentence for me to believe. To admit and become aware of being different than othersabnormal, looked down upon by societywas the most humbling and rewarding experience of my life. I found the strength and the power of my God-Within to overcome and conquer this crippling and deadly disease. My story is about my personal struggle over the past year. Acknowledging that alcoholism does not discriminate regarding who it captures and tries to destroy, I used certain spiritual principles and guidelines to overcome its power. This past year has been a struggle, but I am grateful for my disease and the truth that it has taught me to finally confront the monster and release my imprisoned soul.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Feb 21, 2013
• ISBN: 9781452568997

Frances MacDonald

Frances MacDonald has written and published nine English as a Second Language (ESL) books. She has taught ESL to high school students for seven years. The books are on her students’ experiences while in Canada. A life-changing experience occurred in 2012 that changed her outer world and inner world. As a result of an impaired driving charge, Frances began a journey of rehabilitation and awareness. She recently received her masters of metaphysics degree and is working towards doctorate degree. Through research and experiences, Frances has been able to beat her disease, and she hopes that her story can benefit others.

Book preview

Copyright © 2013 Frances MacDonald .

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

1-[phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4525-6898-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-6899-7 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 2/20/2013

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1   The Accident/Jail

Chapter 2   Detox & Rehab

Chapter 3   Where Did This All Begin

Chapter 4   What I have learned about My Disease

Chapter 5   Factors contributing to Alcoholism

Chapter 6   Alcoholics Anonymous/Relapse

Chapter 7   My Seven Spiritual Lessons for RECOVERY

Chapter 8   Daily Guidelines To Keeping Sober

Chapter 9   My Steps and Affirmations To Recovery

Bibliography

Introduction

"I n this world I live in, I can’t find no way out. And I am tired of living in this world I live in. I’ve got everybody’s number but no one to call. In fact, I just can’t remember anything at all……No, they won’t let me leave now, from this place where I can’t pretend and I am getting older and its getting colder." Never Really Did - The Broken Lyre 2012 (music group)

To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks – drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed in the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

Alcoholics Anonymous – The Doctor’s Opinion page xxix

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

Alcoholics Anonymous – More About Alcoholism – page 30

Did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the one who takes care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the 3 hardest things to say are I love you, I’m sorry, and help me? Sometimes just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile and see how much pain they may be in. I copied this from a friend’s wall because I thought it was powerfully true. We all need to pay more attention to those around us.

What is an alcoholic? Where does alcoholism originate? Why can’t we alcoholics – just stop? These questions are important and quite difficult to answer and understand. The Broken Lyre’s lyrics above outline the recurring feeling that I went through daily. I was trapped in a world that there seemed to be no way out. Isolation, self-pity and selfish behaviour overtook my logical and analytical Virgo mind. There was nothing positive in my life to grasp. Nothing to bring me to where alcohol brought me – happy, free of problems, numb to negative situations in my life, and self-confidence. My friends and family may have reached out to help me but I was so self-centred that I didn’t realize or accept their help. I definitely had an addiction to alcohol and my addictive mind was very self-absorbed. The alcoholic does not care about anyone else. Their lives are run by an overpowering disease that does not care if it kills them.

Alcoholism does not discriminate between sex, race, wealth, health, or age. It will attack weakness, vulnerability, and spiritually weak individuals. An addiction to alcohol is not something we choose. We don’t wake up one morning and say I am so happy that I am an alcoholic. We do not choose to lose our jobs, our children, our families, our finances, our pride and reputation and our will. It happens due to a variety of things that combined together create disaster. Most alcoholics do not think or admit they have a problem until it is too late. Unfortunately awareness most often comes with a cost. It usually takes the alcoholic to hit rock bottom to acknowledge his/her disease. I had a problem for a very long time but it was only when I sunk to the lowest point that I finally became aware of it.

But there is hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. We have the control and the tools to overcome the addiction and become spiritually/divinely guided towards a connection with the universe and our Higher Power. I am not talking about the fearful God taught in Catholicism but of the inner spirit, the soul, the God-within each human being. You can call this whatever works for you. It is the fire inside, it is that knot in your stomach when you know something is not right. It is that inner voice that your ego tries to keep repressed. It is your connection to something more powerful than yourself. I choose to call it God or Higher Power. The path to this awareness is not easy and many of us stumble along the way. Our lives are controlled by our substance and we do not feel at ease without it, as stated in the AA quote above. Most often, our lives have become completely unmanageable and totally out of control. It’s funny, we keep trying to convince ourselves that we are in control and we do not need others in our lives. Then the last straw occurs – we hit rock bottom – isolated, frustrated, broke, spiritually dead and close to a physical death. It is when we experience the moment that life can no longer go on this way – is the moment we start to actually ‘live’. The moment we admit being sick and tired of being sick and tired, will our lives change.

Addiction to any substance – alcohol, drugs, gambling, and sex happens as a result of many factors combining so beautifully together. Biological factors, psychological factors, social factors, and spiritual factors. In combination, these factors create an addictive behaviour in human beings. In order to overcome addictions, one must understand the factors creating it. It is not just enough to say I can’t change - once an addict, always an addict - not true. There are several ways of overcoming addiction. Through my personal experience, I do believe that gaining knowledge of where the addiction was created, as well as, working through a 12-step program and having a spiritual awakening are the keys to caging the addictive beast. So many people think that being abstinent from the substance or the addictive behaviour will relieve the cravings and the addiction. I wish it were that easy but the underlying issues will not go away unless they are dealt with.

In order to change your behaviour, one must change their thoughts. This does not just involve positive thinking but also becoming aware of the Truth of who we really are. The Truth that we can surrender