Facing the Waterfall: A Sinner’S Story of God’S Love

By Andrea Hovet

Becoming a Christian at a young age is common in many sects of Christianity. Andrea Hovet lived a destructive life under the assumption she was a Christian. Through abuse, hardships, and self-hatred, she blamed her misfortunes on God. She strayed form His path and became lost in the abyss of her sorrow.

This story is based on the journal kept during the year she learned how deeply God loves her. This is her story. It portrays the grief as well as the joy and love she discovered when she finally laid her doubt and self-hatred before the Lord. She went from being a nonbeliever living in sin to committing herself to Gods holy name. The changes she went through and the changes in her perspective on life are just a few of the different ways God healed her brokenness.

Facing the Waterfall is the metaphor God gave her in order to help her visualize the love He is pouring over her each and every day. All she need do is lift her face and allow Him to fill every crevice of her heart and soul with His unwavering love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 23, 2013
• ISBN: 9781449795894

Andrea Hovet

Andrea Hovet graduated from Grand Canyon University with a master’s degree in education. She taught special education in Texas for three years. Currently, Andrea lives in Colorado with her husband and two young boys. She works as a special education teacher at a high school where she helps students learn around their disabilities and become productive members of society. Since she became a true Christian she has dedicated herself to learning the depth of God’s love and how to accept she is worthy of such a wondrous gift. She continues to learn about the love God has for her each day and strives to help others find the joy she now has in God.

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Copyright © 2013 Andrea Hovet.

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-9588-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-9590-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-9589-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013909259

WestBow Press rev. date: 05/22/13

Table of Contents

Introduction

1 Starting at the beginning

2 Acknowledging the truth

3 Happiness without Love

4 What Am I Searching For?

5 The Last Resort

6 Trying to Find Passion

7 Hitting the Bottom

8 Joy and Peace

9 Conquering the Past

10 Chad’s relationship with God

11 Seeing Myself the Way God Sees Me

12 Conversation with God

13 Didn’t Know I Didn’t Know

14 God’s Outlook on Dedication

15 Talents Given

16 Letting God Guide Chad

17 His Will Unfolding

18 Change in Me

Epilogue

To my mom

For helping me to understand His love

And my husband

For knowing me better than I know myself

Introduction

I have done many stupid things in my life. Most of them would have sentenced me to the pit of hell if it had not been for God’s for giving grace. This is my story. I am not proud of a lot of it. In fact, I am pretty sure I cried through most of the writing process due to the enormity of my sins. Admitting all I have done is not easy, but knowing God has forgiven me is more powerful than my guilt. It is more powerful than my sins. I am now on the right path for my life, and that makes it all worth it.

It took me a long time to see the mistakes I had been making in life. I didn’t have any idea the hole in my heart was creating an abyss. I was busy filling the blackness with all the junk of my life in order to avoid the truth. I didn’t know it was truly the deep loss of not having God in my life.

I thought baptism meant one had become a Christian. I learned the hard way being a Christian is worthless without the love of our God Almighty. I was hiding from Him, not allowing Him to be my partner, my hope, or my savior.

To help me remember His words, I wrote down our conversations in a journal. This allowed me to read over what He opened my heart to in order to show me His love. It was a living document that proves He is here with me at all times. His ability to constantly show me His love in ways only I can understand is the true testament of His glory.

This story is derived from the journal I kept in the year 2012 through my learning experience with God. I believe in my change. I hope it becomes my testament and helps others understanding what it is to walk with God. Through His process I have become what He wanted me to be. I had been self-involved and lost. This is the change in my life from being a Christian to truly believing in God’s love.

God has whispered to me my whole life. He never seemed to worry about my lack of faith. He talked to me regardless of whether I listen or cared. He knew my path when I didn’t. He continued calling to me, and recently I began to listen, or as my mother put it, understand. He talks to all of us, we just have to get ourselves and be quite long enough to hear him. I couldn’t do this until a few months ago.

Talking to God often is the way my life works now. It has become a normal part of my day. After a lot of prayer and self-reflection I decided sharing some of the conversations I have had with God is the best way to help others. It took me a long time to come to this conclusion because my conversations with God are personal and precious to me. What finally tipped the scale was the realization many people are going through what I have been through. Maybe with just a little push they will see no matter what their past is or how long they were in the dark He is there.

In the journal it was obvious I was under the impression I was saved. In my naivety I had no understanding I was still just a lost little girl trying to find my way through an endless sea of societies beliefs. I grasped onto anything I could in order to make heads or tails of my life. Going as far as molding myself into what I was told was ok and acceptable. I looked for love in the wrong places and blamed my failings on others.

I was a person brought up in a good home where God was frequently talked about. We went to church almost every Sunday when I was young. I came to realize, through my walk with God, being a Christian and going to church did not mean I had a relationship with the Lord. This story is to help people understand: good people can fall, and even people with completely sinful pasts can be instruments of God’s will.

As a disclaimer, please understand what has been written are His exact words specifically to me. They are meant for me and are my direct conversation with Him. They are His teachings for me. I want to share His grace with the world to aid in spreading the patience and understanding of God’s glory. I hope by simply sharing my simple conversations with Him and the impact they have had on my life I will be giving others a small insight to what a life lived in God’s love can truly mean.

I have changed the names of all family members involved in my past so they can keep their anonymity. In order to protect the people involved in my story I also was not specific about who was involved in my past. This story is to reflect me, my understanding of God’s word, and is my interpretation of His presents in my life.

I am not claiming to have all the answers. I am still new to the process of understanding God’s love. My mind has to be calm and my soul quiet in order for me to hear His voice over the racket of my life. I have to slow my breathing, center myself, and open my heart to His words. Allowing them to pour over me and wash away the dirt and grime of daily life.

I guess the best place to start would be at the beginning. I am not big on sharing my past, but you have to understand where I came from to know the power of where I am today. I don’t want this to turn into a sob story. I really don’t want you to feel sorry for me at all. I just want to be certain you know I am not all sugar and spice and everything nice. I have lived through a nightmare. I have been the lost soul. I have done unchristian things, but God never abandoned me. He never gave up on me. He waited until He knew I was ready. He coaxed me in and allowed me to make my mistakes even through it broke His heart.

1

Starting at the beginning

M y parents met in college. They fell in love and were married two years after their meeting. It was a beautiful relationship obviously blessed by the Lord. My mom kept house while my dad went out and worked. They were happy for several years.

Like all young couples they wanted to begin growing their family. They started having children, each loved and cherished, but my mom wanted someone special. Someone she could shop with and dress up. Low and behold a little over a year later my mom became pregnant with a baby girl. She took special care during her pregnancy knowing this was who she had been waiting for. After considering all their options and praying for many days, my mom and dad finally agreed to call this child Amanda. The day she was born and placed in my father’s hands he looked into her eyes and knew in his heart her name would be Andrea.

The little family grew together and made a home. As time went by several more children were born into the family. The increase of the family size worried my father. He wanted his family to have everything they deserved, but he was not sure his current job would allow for such comfort.

With a lot of prayer and deliberation my mom and dad decided to move to Colorado in order for my dad to pursue a better paying job. My dad was gone more and more in order to pay for his growing family and provide us with a comfortable home. We were brought up with love and cherished for who we were. My siblings and I felt precious to our parents regardless of our number.

Having so many children was difficult for my parents, but they did well. Happiness was all we could see for the longest time. God blessed my family in many ways. My mom and dad did all they could to support our interests and make us feel special individually and as a whole. They took us on family vacations and helped us understand family was one of the most important parts of life.

In order to help their children understand God, my parents brought us up Southern Baptist and taught us to act and behave a certain way. Because my mom’s dad was the preacher our family’s involvement with the church was strict and demanding. We were constantly at church on Sunday morning and nights as well as Wednesday evenings.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with this sect of religion; it was the way I perceived and understood the teachings that was incorrect. Fire and brimstone, do right or go to hell, like sermons were the way I loved to hear about the word of God.

Listening to my grandfather preach was one of my earliest memories. He would tell stories to help relate the power of God’s love to those of us that had a hard time understanding. Even at the young age, I would cry because of the powerful sacrifice He made for us. The problem was, for me, this became the understanding one could only show love by giving of themselves, the way God gave His son. It took a long time for me to realize I had it all wrong.

I have never considered myself a typical Christian. For several years I didn’t consider myself a Christian at all. Though I was baptized at the age of six, by my grandfather, I didn’t actually understand God’s love, much less what it meant for me. I did, on the other hand, know it was a big deal to become a Christian.

There was a portion of every youth ministry where they gave all the kids a chance to come forward if they had accepted Jesus into their hearts. A girl I did not know, and had never seen before, was in children’s church the day I made my leap into Christianity. I began to talk with her and immediately we became friends. I told her, on the sly, if she went up I would go up too. Despite my little game and badgering she said no. I told her there was nothing to worry about, and talked to her about how easy it was.

When she continued to say no a stubborn streak ran through me like fire and I decided she needed proof. I quietly stood and went to the front of the room during the prayer. A couple of adults came and prayed with me. They prayed for my lost soul and told God to accept me into His good graces. They asked Him to wipe my soul clean and live in my heart.

My little ploy had worked. Seeing it was indeed not difficult the other girl came forward too. They prayed over both of us and took us up stairs to the grownup service where my mom and dad were informed of my decision. Instructions on what to do and where to meet were handed over to my parents. Plans for my baptism were made for following Wednesday. My mom and dad were practically beaming as we left church that day.

When Wednesday rolled around, we went to church in separate cars because I had to be there early to practice. I was scared, not because of the enormity of what I was doing or what it would mean to my life, but because I couldn’t hold my breath under the water without holding my nose shut.

My mom kept telling me how proud she was I had chosen to become a Christian and have God live in my heart. I didn’t say anything. I just wanted the other girl to be there so I didn’t have to be the only one in front of the church. I was competitive enough to place all my courage on rivalry. I kept thinking if she was there that night, I would be able to do better than she could.

When I got to the church I was upset to find out the other girl had not come. All I could think about was how bad she had chickened out. I then got upset when it was brought to my attention I had to do this whole act alone.

What if I mess up?

What if water goes up my nose?

Scared to death I began to shake as mom to help me get dressed. We brought separate clothes for me to change into so I didn’t mess up my nice ones. I had seen other people get baptized during other services. It wasn’t difficult, you just stand there say yes when the time was appropriate and then my grandfather covered your nose with a rag and dipped you under the water. I had no doubt I could do it. I was just afraid somehow things would mess up.

I could tell this was a big deal. My mom was glowing. She had proud parent face; the one that looked like she was proud and scared at the same time. This look did not make things any easier in my mind.

Sifting through my fears I wanted to ask my mom what to expect, but I couldn’t get my mouth to form the words. Desperately I tried to remember what I wanted to ask her, but my fear of the water consumed my mind and erased all my questions. All I could do was nod as my mom talked to me.

I was alone after my grandfather gave me explicate directions about when I should go down into the water, and what should be done while I was there. Terrified I would ruin everything, I followed his instructions. In front of hundreds of people at my grandfather’s church, I was baptized.

I had become a Christian without even knowing what it