The Book of Lane: Two Hundred Thirty-Five Ways to Be a More Thoughtful Person

By Lane Mayhew

Dear Reader, The Book of Lane is a guidebook for healing and how to live a stable and freeing life in our confusing and unpredictable world. As a result of a Biblical background, the wisdom of the philosophers, Eastern Religion, and self-help motivation, thoughts for thought, my philosophies and moral values, and practical living ideas have been developed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Aug 2, 2016
• ISBN: 9781504347594

Lane Mayhew

At seventy-two, it seems like I have lived a lifetime. I was educated in the Midwest at Carroll University with a sociology/psychology double major and a minor in philosophy. After college I became a flight attendant and flew internationally. I also attended a junior college where I took religions of the world and guidance and counseling. With a bipolar mood disorder and being a member of two twelve-step programs, I am sensitive to other people and want to help. My career was in human resources where I wrote company handbooks, job descriptions, and policies and procedures. Through my consulting company I have had experience writing reviews, newspaper articles, and testimonials. As a part-time mystery shopper I learned the value of customer service. Living in California, I am a grandmother of two teenagers and a passionate animal lover.

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Copyright © 2016 Lane Mayhew.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-5043-4758-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-4760-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-4759-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015921446

Balboa Press rev. date: 07/29/2016

Contents

The Value of Awareness

Being Kind

Kindness as a Quality

Character

Being Authentic

Do You Stand by Your Convictions?

Knowing Ourselves and Others

This Wonderful Thing Called Beauty

Being of Service

An Example of Being of Service

Mindfulness

Our Attitudes Lead to Our Perceptions

Gratitude

It is Fine to Talk the Talk…

Thinking Positive

Can You Change Your Thoughts?

Our Emotions Don’t Rule Us

The Power of Visualization and Imagination

Let It Be

Sharing

The Power of Writing

A Verb is an Action Word

The Seven Deadly Sins

The Seven Virtues

The Pursuit of Happiness

Joy

Do You March to the Beat of Your Own Drum?

Do You Take Things Personally?

People Pleasing

Sabotage

Human Beings and Flowers

How Beautiful After the Rain

Using Reason to Find Solutions to Problems

Other Ways of Knowing: Insight, Intuition, and Instincts

Another Word About Intuition

Epiphanies and Enlightenment

Say Yes to the Present Moment

Acceptance of the Present Moment

Pain

Memories

This Too Shall Pass

Silence

Do You Worry?

The Bright Side of Worry

The Importance of Enthusiasm

Leadership

Stop, Focus, and Don’t Get Overwhelmed

Humility is a Quality of Being Humble

A Legacy of Humility

Living Simply

Empathy and Compassion

Do You Have a Mentor or a Role Model?

Creation and Creativity

We Are All Special

Listening is an Art

When You are Smilin’ the Whole World Smiles with You.

Let’s Celebrate

Keeping Expectations in Perspective

Patience is a Virtue

Growth

Appreciation is Just That

Charisma

Are Your Priorities Tangible or Intangible

Encouragement

Willingness

Being Rewarded

Characteristics of a Counselor

Faith

The Golden Rule

Moving Forward

Wisdom vs. Intelligence

What Comforts You?

Perfect, Perfection, Perfectionist

Staying Young

Generosity of the Heart and the Pocketbook

Not Just the Luck of the Irish

Fear

Love is Letting Go of Fear

Spring!!!!

Intimacy

Resentments are Painful

Forgiveness

On Healing

Wholeness

Courage

Do Unto Others and Yourself

Never Underestimate Yourself

What Makes Our Lives Meaningful?

The Art of Relaxation

Laugh, Laughter, Laughing

Serenity

Inspired to Inspiration

The Creative Process of Inspiration

The Results of Being Inspired

The Importance of Reading

Bloom Where You are Planted

Each Precious Moment

Tolerance

Do You Sit In Judgment?

Nonjudgmental vs. Judgmental

Are You In or Out of Balance?

Growing Old Gracefully

Nurturing Each Other and Ourselves

Practicing Patience

Being Satisfied is More than Being Satisfactory

Are You a Motivated Person?

To Have or Not Have Expectations

Being Concerned is One Thing, but…

Ah…Harmony

Peace…Ah

Trusting Ourselves

Trusting Others

Failure Can Be Healthy

Responsibility

Reverence for Nature and Our Natural Selves

What Does Being Really Mean?

Flexibility

Emotional Cycles

Easy Does It

Freedom

Protect and Serve

Reflection

Perspective is a Matter of Perception

Optimism

Qualities of the Optimist

Pessimism

Happiness through Self Talk

Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life

Purpose

Caring

Carefree

Let’s Not Forget About Fun

Surrender

Empowering Ourselves and Others

Confidence

Adventures

Concentration and Mindfulness

What Exactly Does it Mean to Work?

What Are the Qualities of Good Workers?

Curious as a Cat

Remaining Childlike

Our Heads are Small Spaces

Music – the International Language

Procrastination is a Habit

Are You Fulfilled?

It is Hard to be Unhappy if You Are Grateful

Commitment

We Don’t Have to Search Forever

Don’t Become Overwhelmed

Where There Is Despair, Let Me Bring Hope

Good Manners

Please and Thank You

Giving Compliments

Denial

On Friendship

What Does it Mean to Like Other People?

Self Discipline

Self Absorbed

Looking Toward the Future

Gossip

Integrity as a Character Trait

The Opposite of Integrity

To Thine Own Self Be True

Introspection

Gluttony

Pride

Giving and Receiving

Ways of Responding: Passive

Ways of Responding: Assertive

Ways of Responding: Aggressive

Ways of Responding: Passive Aggressive

Ways of Responding: Anger

Wasted Time

Serendipity and Synchronicity

Reliable, Accountable

Gentleness

Let’s Not Forget About Goodness

Magic

Magic and the Complete Wizard of Oz

Deep Sadness

Anxiety

Two Types of Depression

Determination

Value is in the Eye of the Beholder

Problems to Challenges

Being Transparent

Surviving

Hard Times to the Extreme

The Unknown

A Light that Shines

THINK: Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspirational? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?

Our Emotions

Emotional Pain

Vulnerable

Group Therapy

What Does it Mean to be Appealing?

A Mantra for Living in the Moment

Cheering Up

Material Possessions vs. Spiritual Values

Ideal, Idealistic

Relief from Problems

Release

Rectify

Injustice

The Grief Process

Is it Better to Be Right or Be Happy?

If It is Meant to Be, It Will Find Its Way

Work for a Living or Create for a Life

Goal Setting

When to Apologize

And the Greatest of These is Love

Love in Relationships

Love as Freeing

Don’t give up

How Do you Handle Disappointment?

What does Crying Solve?

The Ego Consciousness vs. the Subconscious

A Different Ego

On Being Successful

Consequences

Change

Accept Change

What Does Change Consist Of?

What is this Big Deal about the Past?

Negative Energy vs. Positive Energy

The Power of Prayer

What is…

Style

To Isolate

It Sometimes is Delicate to Live

Self-Esteem

Perseverance, Persistence

Affirmations

Suit Up and Show Up

Contemplation

The Value of Awareness

I f we are aware and mindful of what goes on, we are observers of life and everyone and everything in it. Every moment is new and in every moment we are mentally alert and alive, curious, interested in, and excited. We want to expand our minds and are aware of the many ways knowledge is available to us. Being truly aware is not only knowing intellectually (a clear and certain mental apprehension), but intrinsically. In this the era of information, we can learn and know more than we ever thought possible. There are so many forms of learning at our fingertips. No longer do we have to rely upon the class room, seminars, and the library. The computer has opened up a world unto itself for us to partake from. Being aware is taking all this into consideration and at the same time realizing that if we have a head full of so much knowledge, coupled with concerns and obsessions, it is impossible to feel peaceful. When we have a heightened sense of awareness, we grasp this and that life is a package deal, a sum of its parts, and that what we find depends on how we look at it. It is also important to be aware of ourselves: what we give our attention to, what we strive for, what our truth and convictions are, and why we think we are here. With awareness comes responsibility.

Awareness is developing the deep sensitivity through which you may suffer and know tragedy and die a little, but through which you will also experience the grandeur of human life. -- Wilfred Peterson

Being Kind

W hen you hear the phrases: I was treated in a kindly manner, or She was kind to me, what do you think of? If you are like me, you envision a thoughtful and kindhearted person who is caring and considerate. It should be common behavior for us all to follow the Golden Rule and treat each other the way we would like to be treated. Melissa Rosenberg, one of Hollywood’s top screenwriters in 2012, had this to say: Kindness counts. It doesn’t matter if you’re the smartest person in the room. If you’re not someone who people want to be around, you won’t get far. Being kind is treating All Creatures Great and Small (the name of veterinarian James Herriott’s first book) with gentleness and respect. At one time, people were talking and writing about random acts of kindness. This of course means to be kind for no reason. Being kind is being agreeable, tolerant, forgiving, and helpful through kind words and/or actions. When we are concentrating on being kind rather than dwelling on our own problems, we have a tendency to feel at peace, comfortable, and freer. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle, is a quote we hear often today. It is attributed to Plato 2500 years ago. And lastly, Alan Cohen tells us, Be kind to everyone, and don’t leave yourself out of the equation, and How could you be kinder to yourself today?

Kindness as a Quality

A person who is habitually kind has a benevolent disposition, is unselfish, and has a concern for others can be called kindhearted. Mother Teresa and Helen Keller, both kindhearted people, write about (us): not being able to do great things, only small things with great love. Wayne Dyer said it perfectly: When you have a choice, always pick kind. Do deliberate loving kind things continuously. Everybody loves to feel loved that way. To be kind does not necessarily require that we do something; it can also be something we give. When we are kind for a long time and have compassion, thoughtfulness, and are considerate of others, being kind becomes a way of life and a part of our character. In his book, The Day of the Jackal , Frederick Forsyth says this about one of his characters: The vicar was kindness itself…. When I think of kindness, I think of kind eyes and gestures that comfort. If you have kind people in your life, be grateful for them and appreciate them. Kindness may be the most important attribute a person can have. In fact, people who are not kind cannot be called successful. It has been said what we need is an army of the kind.

Character

C haracter is the inherent complex of attributes that determine a person’s moral and ethical actions and reactions. Our character is made up of characteristics that become habits and are habitually how we talk and act. This then becomes our distinctive nature. Character is how a person treats those who can do nothing for him. A characteristic of good character, for example being honest or having integrity, means we are always honest. It is our usual way of being. We don’t even have to think about it. Our character is formed from the way we treat others to the way we drive our car. As my father used to say, It is who we face when we wake up at 3:00 in the morning. Our reputation is created by our character. Having high moral character means we have a good reputation and are held in esteem and honor. Our experiences and knowledge are the fundamental emotional and activating principles that determine our character. However, not all experiences are character building or are happy. Some are negative and stressful and take a lot out of us, but they are character building if they become part of our moral fiber and are handled in a positive, moral, and ethical way. Helen Keller had this to say about character: Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened so that ambition, inspiration, and success can be achieved. Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life , believes there are five measurements of spiritual growth: knowledge, perspective, convictions, skills, and character.

Being Authentic

A uthentically relating to someone is not surface-level chit-chat. It’s genuine heart-to-heart sharing in an atmosphere of honesty and humility. It happens when people are honest about what is happening in their lives. They share their hurts, reveal their feelings, confess their failures, disclose their doubts, admit their fears, and acknowledge their weaknesses. The opposite of authenticity is pretending and role-playing with superficial politeness and shallow conversation where people tend to wear masks and keep their guards up behaving as if everything is okay in their lives even when it is not. It’s only when we become open about who we are that we can experience authentic relationships. Being authentic requires both courage and strength. It means facing exposure, rejection, and being hurt, but the rewards are great: we become the real thing, the unique person we were meant to be. Authentic people are genuine in what they say and do and people can identify with them because they are transparent, there is no hidden agenda. Authenticity takes introspection, earnestness, and a desire to be known.

Do You Stand by Your Convictions?

I n this millennium, it is hard to have an unshakable and unwavering belief in principles. A principle is a rule, belief, or idea that guides us. A principle per se is thought to be held by people as a basic truth; therefore, a principled person is thought to be ethical and decent. The person of conviction is one who has principles based on values handed down through decades. I like to use the fruit of the spirit versus the seven deadly sins as a gauge between good and bad or right and wrong. The fruit of the spirit can be found in the King James Bible in Galatians 5:22 as love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, and faith. Directly opposed are the seven deadly sins: wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. In our culture today, especially in America, there is just about anything and everything available that we can have and do just because we can. Values have gone by the wayside. If we are going to hold our world together, we are going to have to stick to a standard code of conduct based on principles and moral and ethical convictions including the fruit of the spirit and the Golden Rule (do unto others as you would have them do to you). As a point of interest, the Golden Rule is the name given to a principle Jesus taught in his Sermon on the Mount as well as has roots in the Old Testament and the wisdom of Confucius.

Knowing Ourselves and Others

A s we