Crazy Nevermore

By Elaine Writer

This inspirational novel begins with a middle-of-the-night delivery of an e-mail message announcing a brokerage firm closure and causing an emotional upheaval for all employees. Written with humor and spiritual insight, Crazy Nevermore explores how adaptations to sudden life changes force personal growth in spirituality, acceptance, adaptation, and loveif we resist the urge to just go crazy. Character vignettes and interactions reveal how life after change presents the opportunity for transformation.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 8, 2011
• ISBN: 9781449727475

Elaine Writer

Elaine Writer is an accomplished Christian writer, scholar, and speaker. Her life experience includes numerous years of pastoral service, as well as a successful career as an attorney. Elaine resides in Southern California, but has roots in the Carolinas and draws upon her Southern, East Coast and West Coast experiences in writing and speaking to inspire all to live abundantly in Christ.

Book preview

Contents

INTRODUCTION

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Two

Also by Elaine Writer

Singularly Blessed

Memoirs And Amusements Of A Spinster

Tears In A Bottle

Visit elainewriter.com for further information regarding Elaine Writer and her publications.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 (NLT).

INTRODUCTION

This book memorializes those lifetime moments when insanity eludes the traumatized. Remembering challenging times from the past helps each of us to realize that we can and will survive the present trauma. When simply going crazy either doesn’t work or is not an available option, we have to live through the challenging times. Someone has to pray and someone has to hold on. Luckily the same someone does not necessarily have to perform both tasks.

Here, the reactions of the employees that received the infamous e-mail are intimate glimpses into how people respond to the same life events based on their circumstances, not merely based on words on a page. Common circumstances are the norm, but a normal reaction is subject to interpretation. The character interactions and vignettes underscore their interwoven life and career experiences and their diverse approaches to life after change. Each character’s reaction presents an opportunity to laugh, learn and empathize. If you get lost along the way, let Sarah be your guide.

I wrote this book to substitute voices in the head with voices on the page that illustrate that love, faith and courage can be used to overcome life’s most difficult circumstances and avert total insanity. Ultimately, we must admit that life is not what happens to us, but the transformation that takes place in us when life happens. From the trauma, we emerge with a story to share that may keep someone else from losing it.

Chapter One

CRAZY UNDEFINED

Sarah

Sarah began frantically typing her thoughts into her journal on her personal computer.

Something inside of you breaks, and everything you were and are comes spilling out. You try to stuff everything that came out back into the same space, but new wine in an old bottle won’t fit. That’s the beginning of crazy. Crazy is not expressed in linear thoughts or actions and consequently some people find the path hard to follow. No single definition of the term exists.

Anyone can describe physical appearance. However, Sarah was having difficulty describing her current mental state or imagining how her coworkers must have felt when they got the news. She kept writing.

I know for sure that I am an average looking woman, about 5’5" tall, 115 lbs, brown eyes, shoulder length permed brown hair, brown skin and a dimple on my left cheek. Some people say I have a perpetual smile that stays on regardless of whether I’m happy or sad or bored. I’m working on that because I think people should be able to look at your face and have some clue into your feelings. I think the frozen smile is an occupational deformity. When you’re in HR, you sometimes have to deliver bad news as though it was good. So the frozen smile helps to deliver a neutral message.

The self-description of my mental state is a little more problematic. I think I’m happy, but there are some things going on in my life right now that really should be cause for concern. Sometimes, I find myself waking up more relaxed than I have been in years. Other times, my head is spinning and everything is out of focus-unsolvable. Is this normal? Is that crazy? I don’t know.

In assessing her own problems, Sarah continued to think about what the others must think. Everyone, including Sarah, was understandably rattled by the suddenness of the announcement. The whole thing was kind of messed up-the announcement itself and the mode of delivery. Sarah continued.

I wish I could speak for all people (like some people brazenly do) and dialogue about what everybody feels, but I can only speak for Sarah-me, myself and I. (The royal we is acceptable only during the nine months of pregnancy.) I don’t think I’ll ever go crazy because that would be too much like right. Going crazy could be my revenge to show them how much they wounded me and it could teach them a lesson. Going crazy would learn them to watch how they talk to people and how they treat people.

I’ve often found myself at the beginning, but I’ve never reached the end. I’ve found that crazy is no longer easily obtainable. Even super-achievers have a long road ahead to get to the crazy road marker. Actually reaching the spot is a trip without a destination. The location keeps changing. So if you are going crazy, you may not know when you get there. Other people can no longer give good directions. You may arrive at the spot where crazy was last month, and find that the location has changed. This could be a good thing.

Difficulty arises because things that once defined crazy are now indistinguishable from acceptable behavior, making crazy unrecognizable. In times past, if you saw someone stumbling down the street having a loud conversation with themselves, you probably thought-…crazy. Now, however, you know to check for the Bluetooth device or headphones. Even then you may not quite be sure. After all, what kind of person has a personal conversation in a checkout line while the cashier waits and other customers listen in? See, you can’t even discern it. Nowadays you need to know the circumstances to determine if that was crazy or understandable or normal.

Profanity was once the language of crazy. Now people use profanity as though it were profound-some native tongue used to prove that they have it all together. Eventually your ears become soundproof to profanity. People notice that other people don’t notice and so they adopt the once foreign language as their native tongue. Profanity loses its effect and becomes the wonk, wonk, wonk, of A Charlie Brown Christmas.

Even if you conclude crazy for sure, it’s still debatable because people don’t have to suppress crazy anymore; they just have to find their niche. If you think you’re crazy or someone you know may be crazy, check out the internet before making your final determination. Somebody out there has been there, and others will use your internet story to prove their own sanity. Truly crazy is now rare and time sensitive. When the opportunity presents itself, you have to move quickly if you want to claim the privileges of insanity.

Some thoughts running through Sarah’s mind were too multi-dimensional for narrative. Therefore, she switched to the poetic and continued writing.

I could’ve, should’ve, would’ve

Gone crazy before

Before I found him and before he found me

I missed it-the opportunity to lose it.

I could have thrown down my crazy card

And let the whole world spectate and speculate

And ultimately all would have agreed that

At that moment and at that time I had the right.

Troubles left and right

Up and down and crossfire

Yea! Crazy!

But I held on

Attained altitude and attitudes

Through perseverance and prayer

And sanity remained still.

Now crazy is not an option

If he’s winning, I’m winning

Climbing and yes I can

Crazy No-pressing, not stressing.

Crazy tempting-but elusive

Because it’s too late

People now attached to my wings of adversity

Crazy now would kill us all

Crazy now would be crazy.

I know him,

Seen, experienced and survived

With permanent scars and wounds in hands and feet

Through extreme craziness

So me no go crazy now.

Even though the news was difficult to deal with, Sarah did not truly believe that anyone would totally lose it. After all, so many usual things had happened at the brokerage firm over the years. You had to be mentally tough to just survive the massive workload and the constant changes in operating procedures and the swings in the market. Some people just don’t have what it takes to be certifiably crazy or entitled. Some still have situational awareness that restrains them from doing the inappropriate things that would convince everyone of the onset of insanity. Based on her own past, Sarah felt that she fit into this category of persons unqualified to claim inability to cope with the circumstances. She elaborated on this point as she continued to peck away at her computer keys.

If you wait to take the time to plan going crazy, it’s like premeditated murder. You can’t get away it. If you are going to go crazy, you have to seize the moment. Move with quickness and roll with it. Too much planning takes away the defense and then you’re fully responsible for all the consequences. When crazy actions are raw and impulsive, people are more apt to recognize the authenticity.

Unfortunately, I think you have to be delicate to go crazy, and I never had the privilege of being delicate. Some people can just flip out at the drop of a hat. If the timing is right and the act original (not a copy-cat crazy), it may work for you. So maybe the formula for acceptable craziness is right time, originality,