Sonder Jou/Desolation

By Holdstock

Sonder Jou - Desolation comprises 164 poems; 120 in Afrikaans, two in Dutch, and 42 in English. Only one English poem is a translation of its Afrikaans equivalent. The volume is an ode to love; homage to loneliness; an intense expression of mourning. It can also be regarded as biographical bibliotherapy. The first section (Youth) consists of 12 short poems in Afrikaans conveying the loneliness the author experienced during his adolescent years. In 19 poems (8 in Afrikaans and 11 in English) of the second section (Seasons of our love) the happiness of finding love and the maturation of the relationship with his wife are conveyed, also the hiccups that occurred. What the loss of his wife meant is evident in the 133 poems (102 in Afrikaans; 31 English) of the main section, Without You - Desolation (Sonder Jou - Verlatenheid). This section is devoted to the poems written during the 20 months following the death of his wife. He now finds himself even more desolate than in his youth.

Several aspects of the volume are of interest. The ability of the author to be in touch with and to express the various facets of his grief in simple language, in a cultural context where the expression of such emotions by men is frowned upon, is noteworthy. The poems also highlight the therapeutic self-help value of bibliotherapy. The poems of loss celebrate the mundane and relatively insignificant daily events that he shared with his wife. In being in touch with his grief and in concretising the accompanying pain he attempts to find meaning in the paradox between consciousness, highly developed as it is in humankind, and death. An answer is not evident, except perhaps that humankind is destined by gravity to be absorbed by the sixth dimension of dark matter. The bilingual aspect of the volume provides an additional aspect of interest.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Feb 22, 2007
• ISBN: 9781412240178

Holdstock

Len Holdstock, PhD, has studied and worked in South Africa, the USA and the Netherlands. At the time of his retirement in 1999 he was professor of Clinical Psychology at the Vrije Universiteit in Amsterdam. He has published widely within and outside the field of psychology; presented papers and conducted workshops in archetypal psychology and Person- Centred therapy in various parts of the world. In psychology his major publications have been in the areas of brain and sleep research, personality and psychotherapy theory, as well as critical theory and cultural psychology.<\p> He has done extensive work with the indigenous healers of South Africa and endeavoured, not only to Africanise psychology in that country, but the educational system as well. Even in post-apartheid South Africa reconsideration and reshaping of existing curricula and teaching methodologies in terms of African values, are necessary. He believes that sub-Saharan Africa has a great deal to offer in establishing a humane new world order. His last book, Re-examining psychology: Critical perspectives and African insights, Routledge, 2000, addresses the role psychology needs to play in creating universal cultural awareness. Although he focuses primarily on the cultural unawareness in the Western world with respect to sub-Saharan Africa, recent conflicts have pointed out similar shortcomings in the West with respect to Islamic culture. Holdstock has also co-edited a book on Western and Buddhist psychology, Eburon, 1996. In addition to his publications in psychology he has published on art and education: Transpersonal Art (1986) and Education for a new nation (1987). The present poetry volume is his first experiential publication. It can best be described as his bibliotherapy in which he processes his grief during the first 20 months following the death of his wife, his love of 50 years.

Book preview

SONDER JOU

DESOLATION

t.l. holdstock

© Copyright 2006 Dr. Thomas L. Holdstock.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval

system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,

recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

Note for Librarians: A cataloguing record for this book is available from Library and Archives

Canada at www.collectionscanada.ca/amicus/index-e.html

ISBN 1-4120-7782-6

ISBN 978-1-4122-4017-8 (ebook)

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Contents

PROLOOG I JEUG

selfportret

adolossensie

menswees

bloekom teen die rant

voël in ‘n kou

die droom van God

werkstewels

vrou

nag in Johannesburg

Etosha

winter in Stellenbosch

atleet

PROLOGUE II SEASONS OF OUR LOVE

elebrating your 70th birthday, February 6, 2003, Kaysersburg, France

verlief word op jou

spring love

falling in love

awareness of you

lente verlange

ontwakende hartstog

ons eerste soen

somer herinneringe

early morning stroll at Hogsback, ode to Alida

Rough patches

(d) let me be

haar eerste kind

man-talk

Family

autumn love

SONDER JOU WITHOUT YOU

vir oulaas in Suid-Afrika

voorspel tot haar dood

het telefoongesprek

in coma, Kamer 134, Seksie H7, Academische Medische Center, Amsterdam

Saterdagmiddag, 1 Mei, 2004, deur die oë van ‘n kind

wat sou die beste wees

eerste weke

bij de noteman

grade van bewussyn

die glans is af

die rou periode

what not to say

troos verward geraak

gebreekte bekken

wandelende ironie

holding hands

engel woord

swart posbus

die pienk roos

the pink rose

Woensdagaand, 26 Mei 2004

sinkronisiteit

beelde in die brein

in my gedagtes by jou op weg na

die ultieme vraag

dit en dat

wens en werklikheid

the outer reaches

only one more wish

om van herinneringe vry te wees

wat van die toekoms

die kraaie kras

death’s reality

2.30 a.m.

swanger foto

limbic flashes

breathing

ontvlug met woorde?

na my dood

a brief interlude

battered by Atlantic waves

sonder haar

tulpe stengels

the new bench

en wat het dit gehelp

capital G

sy was my alles

waar is my liefie

verdriet akademies vertaal

20 Julie 2004

e-pos aan Philip en Estelle

beskermengel

ankerloos

op die snelweg

op die sypaadjie

gekondisioneerde reaksie

soleil du sol

verskietende ster

leë dae

swaartekrag

Verse

aan tafel

die droograk

27 Augustus 1960

hoop

vier maande al

vier maande gelede

aan die kinders

the mirror of who i am

the inevitable

wat is werklikheid

soos sy dit doen

vyf maande vandag

wat ons nie weet nie

terug

skeiding

haar dood is so anders as my dood

life blood

verdriet wals

hurricane force

Back in South Africa

hunkering

absurdity

angs

tuiskoms

sonder haar

fisika van verdriet

selfs ‘n velwond

die dag begin

die ander tafel

alles eindig

lente 2005

soveel om te bely

gebed

1 Mei 2005

sy en ek

dubbelglas stil

flat northern sky

music of the spheres

Mona Lisa beelde

sinusoidal grief

American dream

toe alles nog moontlik was

taferele

lugposbriewe

crossing borders

memories

Beloved, do not die. Do not dare die! I, the survivor, I wrap you in words so that the future inherits you. I snatch you from the death of forgetfulness. I tell your story, complete your ending-you who once whispered beside me in the dark.

Antjie Krog, Country of my skull, 1998

De werklijke catastrofes zijn we geneigd te omgeven met woorden, alsof we onszelf er zo tegen kunnen beschermen.

Aharon Appelfeld, Het verhaal van een leven, 2005

De ongedeelde herinnering sterft eenzaam.

J.J. Streefkerk, de Volkskrant, Aug. 23, 2005, p. 13

In memory of Alida

To all who loved her and those she loved, especially our sons, their families; the grandchildren who do not have the privilege of growing up knowing her

To friends who willingly read my tears, shared my grief, provided comments, proofreading: Estelle, Di, Chris, Joep, Bev, Bernie, Monika, Philip; Dorian for mentoring

Candy, Tiël and Louis, your creative input and technical support are imprinted on the cover and the inside pages. Thank-you for helping when I got stuck.

Jordan Reichert, author representative at Trafford, thank you for doing so in the way that you do.

PROLOOG I

JEUG

selfportret

met groot oop oë

het hy

aan die lewensbal geraak

tenger vingers tastend

was bang

om die kristal te kraak

swanger hart afwagtend

kon nie die ritme

van sy polslag vind

adolossensie

in ‘n sel

‘n klooster

van my eie

self gekluister

vasgevang deur

matelose onsekerheid

het die angs

van mens en

volwasse wees

die mure van

my sosiale wese

deur senuwee

en kliermetabolisme

al digter om

my heen gekring

menswees

aan hierdie stang

het God twee arms uitgehang

aan die hande het Hy

vingers vasgedraai

en die fabriek

waar elke bout en groef

met bloed geolie

in die