The Discovery Game Booklet: The Next Step in Intimacy

By Ken Bankston

The discovery Game Booklet is a powerful tool for building a strong, exciting marriage. It can help you to truly understand your spouse, and, understand how to meet his or her specific emotional needs. Indeed, The discovery Game Booklet may even help you understand yourself a little better. It is among the most densely-packed, succinct marriage enrichment resources available anywhere.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Apr 1, 2018
• ISBN: 9781543924091

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Meeting Each Other’s Needs

Marriage is a wonderful opportunity to grow in love with someone who drives you wild— in a good way. Whether you have a very vibrant marriage, or one that needs a shot in the arm, all marriages can grow in love.

Many problems that marriages face have very little to do with whether the couple loves one another, and a whole lot to do with how they love one another. Someone reading this, might even be in a marriage that he or she feels is past the point of rescue. You should know that, not only is your marriage salvageable, but it is very possible to reach a previously unimagined level of intimacy— hopelessly in love.

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This booklet can be a powerful tool for building a strong, exciting marriage. It can help you to truly understand your spouse, and, understand how to meet his or her specific emotional needs. However, since in the process of this discovery you will need to share your needs and feelings with each other, it can be a little scary. Please proceed compassionately with an earnest desire to learn about each other and grow in love.

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It’s Not What You Read, It’s Who You Know

Each marriage is different, because each marriage is comprised of two unique people, and together their marriage becomes unique. So, as we speak of the needs for men and women, we speak in generalities. Your unique needs and the needs of your spouse may be somewhat different. Therefore, with regard to your spouse’s needs, the foremost expert on your spouse, is your spouse. With this in mind, as you read through this booklet, you can coach each other in the specific desires of your heart. You are about to discover your spouse, and maybe learn a little about yourself in the process.

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Use this booklet as a guide— a needs assessment tool— where the ultimate goal is to learn about your spouse. Although as a couple you are unique, this booklet can help spotlight emotional needs that are, in some respects, universal. In doing so, it can help you to visualize areas of deficiency and competence within your relationship.

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As different as Night... and, Late Afternoon

Get ready for a shocker... Men and women are different. We are different from the ground up. Some examples follow. Every single cell in her body has a different genetic makeup from his. Her blood contains more water, but 20% fewer red cells. Because of this, she will tire more easily and will usually be more prone to fainting. A woman’s heart beats more rapidly (80 beats versus 72 for men) and her blood pressure (ten points lower than a man’s) varies from minute to minute. Women and men have different hormones, yet the gland that produces these hormones is the same. These glandular differences help to make up a smoother skin for the woman, as well as a relatively hairless face and body. The pointing finger of a woman is usually longer than her third; however, the reverse is true in men. And men, on average, are physically stronger than women, pound for pound, by at about 50%.[18] There is much more that could be stated, but suffice it to say— men and women are different!

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These are physical differences between the sexes, but generally, there are also differences in the way men and women think, and with regard to their emotional needs.[26] Neurologist, neuropsychiatrist and author of more than fifteen books on the brain, Dr. Richard Restak says, It seems unrealistic to deny any longer the existence of male and female brain differences. Just as there are physical dissimilarities between males and females... there are equally dramatic differences in brain functioning.[23]

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Our differences are not to be judged, but embraced. For example, puzzle pieces are irregularly shaped. They protrude and contract. But, it is exactly these distinctions in shape that allow one piece to fit together with another. In much the same way, a husband and wife should fit together, explicitly, because of their differences. These differences draw us to one another. Where one has a need, the other has strength. Consequently, a husband and wife can be stronger combined than they ever could be individually— they become interdependent. When a couple recognizes, respects, and begins to depend on these individual differences, the marriage is empowered!

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But, where do these differences start and stop? Though most people usually have very similar needs, the way each individual prioritizes his or her needs may vary dramatically depending on many factors. These differences could indicate needs borne of unique, personal experience (such as previous relationships, childhood experiences, or needs not currently being met). Indeed, some of the most conspicuous differences (from one person to the next) are derivative of impermanent circumstances. For example, if you stub your toe, immediately you are focused on your toe and the pain. Prior to your injury you hadn’t thought about your toe, and afterwards, you can think of little else. That same principle can be at work in our relationships. Where there is pain, there will be focus; and where emotional needs are going unmet, one’s hunger to meet those needs will be more acute.

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Beyond our individual circumstances, men and women often have different emotional priorities that stem from nothing but their gender. For example, where most men would put sex, at, or close to the top of their needs list, most women would not. Most men would not put conversation in their top three, and yet, most women would. These differences in priority reveal differences in gender preferences, which may transcend personal individuality.

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This booklet will focus on the most prominent, primary, emotional needs common to men and women, starting with her emotional needs, and followed by his. This