It's Not Your Fault

By Gail Morgan

Are you in an abusive relationship? Would you like to find the strength within yourself to overcome either the abuse or the fear of leaving the abuser? If you have answered: 'Yes' to these two questions, then this book is for you. Anyone who is in an abusive relationship, as well as friends and family members of someone who is being abused will benifit from reading this book. You will learn how to cope while you are being verbally attacked and how to minimise the risk of physical abuse. Whether you are ready to leave the abuser or not, this book will give you all the strategies that you will need. For concerned friends and family members; you will learn how to help your loved one and keep her safe. Whether you are male or female, whether you have children or not, you do not need to be in an abusive relationship - this book will show you how to either fix it or leave it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gail Morgan
• Release date: May 17, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370594092

Gail Morgan

I am a born and bred South African from Pretoria, and I am so fortunate to have two wonderful children who support me in all my endeavours. This book has been written because I was in an abusive marriage for over 40 years. I am committed to helping anyone who is in such a situation.

Book preview

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It is not your fault

Foreword

This book is written to empower and enable anyone who is, or feels that she is abused by her partner – whether it is mentally, physically, emotionally, or sexually.

Whether you are willing to stay in the relationship, or if you are not yet ready to leave, this book will empower you, not to just endure the abuse, but to see it for what it is so that you can change the pattern.

If you are ready to leave the abusive partner, this book will strengthen you to do so, and give you strategies to enable you during the transition period.

The abused partner is usually female, so throughout this book I will be referring to the abused partner as ‘she’; that certainly does not rule out male victims. It is even more humiliating for a man to be abused than a woman as he is supposed to be tough and strong; nevertheless, there are many men who are abused by their partners – whether the partners are male or female.

If you have an abusive partner, please do not let him see you reading this book as it will enrage him.

To friends and family members of an abused person: If you know of anyone who is being abused, or you suspect that someone close to you is being abused, let her read this book in the safety of your home as we do not want to give the abuser cause for rage. Do not pressure the victim to leave her partner – this book will help her to make up her own mind – rather; let her know that you are there for her and that you will support her no matter what decision she makes.

Chapter 1 Is it abuse?

Chapter 2 The mind of the abuser

Chapter 3 Family and friends

Chapter 4 The welfare of your children

Chapter 5 Physical abuse

Chapter 6 Emotional and verbal abuse

Chapter 7 Sexual abuse

Chapter 8 Financial control

Chapter 9 Escape plans

Chapter 10 When the victim is a man

My Story

Chapter 1

Is it abuse?

You love your partner very much, but things are not right and you don’t know what to do to change things. On the internet you can find numerous quizzes to find out whether you are in an abusive relationship; if you have reached that stage then you are most likely in a relationship that is not working for you. To find the answer as to whether you are in an abusive relationship or not, I only have a few questions for you:

Do you breathe a sigh of relief and feel as if a heavy weight is lifted off your shoulders as soon as you are away from him?

Do you look at how comfortable other couples are together and wish that your relationship could be like that?

Are you doing everything to please him, not because you want to, but because you are afraid of reprisals?

Does he do anything to please you; or is it all about him?

Are you hurting so much on the inside that if it were on the outside, you would be rushed to the emergency room?

The abuse of a partner is a wilful act. He intimidates you by attacking you physically, sexually or verbally. This is a deliberate and systematic pattern of power and control. Each situation is different, and the frequency and severity of the abuse will also vary; yet the similarity is that every abuser will deliberately and consistently do everything in his power to maintain