You Are A Door Prize, Not A Doormat

By Dr. Jay Grady

No one should suffer from verbal abuse. Know the symptoms and solution.
Words can cut deep. They can harm to the soul. Millions of hurting people, especially women, need to be set free from the effects of verbal abuse.
This book is an eye-opening description of the cause and effects of verbal abuse. It takes a hard look at the symptoms of abuse. But more importantly, it offers case studies of those who have suffered, yet have found solutions. It sends help and hope to those who thought they had none.
This is a purposeful book for everyone even if not directly affected by abuse. It will help identify those who could be victim around you. It is especially an important vehicle for those in the medical, religious or education fields.
Dr. Jay Gray is the Founder and CEO of Therapeia Publishing and Ask Dr. Jay Now Christian Counseling. Visit Dr. Jay's web site at www.askdrjaynow.org.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dr. Jay Grady
• Release date: Aug 24, 2011
• ISBN: 9780974508832

Book preview

How to Break the Cycle of Verbal Abuse

You Are a

Door Prize

Not a

Doormat

DR. JAY GRADY

What People are Saying about this Book

"Dr. Grady’s book is excellent. It will help victims of verbal abuse get free."

Charles and Frances Hunter – The Happy Hunters – Houston, Texas

"I know this book will do a lot of good for hurting people."

Dodie Osteen – Lakewood Church – Houston, Texas

"This is a must read book. Dr Jay identifies the characteristics of the abuser, and ministers to the abused."

Rev. Betty Tapscott – Tapscott Ministeries – Houston, Texas

"It’s a masterpiece – the best book on the subject of verbal abuse"

Dr. Paul Carlin, Founder – Therapon Institute

"I was riveted from the beginning – this book will be part of our graduate counseling program"

Dr. Linda Ratcliff – President – Therapon University

"This book is a must read for every Christian counselor. I buy them in quality and assign them to clients to read and study as homework"

Boyd Harrell, President – Cool Ministries Inc. – Houston, Texas

"It is the most powerful book on verbal abuse, I have read"

N. M. – Houston, Texas

"Dr. Jay, - What a book! It is terrific! This book needs to be read by every Christian"

Cynthia Morales – Bridge of Love Ministries, Texas

"Your book has helped me stop verbally abusing those whom I love. It is amazing that just within days of reading your book I was able to stop abusing my family"

Judy A. Mead – California

"Thank you Dr. Grady for your courage and boldness in bringing this painful subject out of the closet"

Claudia Vogel – Washington St.

"Thank God for your book. Your book has helped me to such a degree as to seek the solutions from the Lord necessary to be free from being a verbal abuser.

Jimmy Clanton – Recording Artist – Evangelist – Houston, Texas

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Jay Grady

All rights reserved

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN: 0-9745088-3-7

Therapeia Publishing

P.O. Box 10282

Houston Texas 77206

Phone [phone]

www.askdrjaynow.org

email: mailto:[e-mail]

Facebook: www.facebook.com/drjaygrady

This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form without prior written permission of the publisher.

All scripture quoted, unless otherwise noted, are from the Holy Bible, King James Version.

I have reasonably assumed that the authors’ quotations herein were public domain.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Acknowledgement

I would like to express my deepest thanks to the following people:

To Marie Melton, who believed in me and told me to follow my dreams. A huge thanks to Shirley Horelica for her insight and suggestions.

To Linda Ratcliff, Norma Mintz, Winnie Herrington and numerous others for the valuable input when I really needed it

To those wonderfully courageous people who shared their personal stories with me.

Donna Medina of DEMgraphix creative design for layout and cover design.

This Book is dedicated to my son, Larry, and Granddaughter, Tasha Marie.

I Am Wrong

Of all words in any language today

I’m sure these three are the hardest to say:

"I AM WRONG" is so hard to admit

But after it’s said you are glad you did it.

As the old saying goes, I’ve often been told,

"Honest confession is good for the soul"

One who can say: I’m wrong. You’re right

Is greatly admired in other men’s sight.

But one who is boastful and full of conceit,

Who can’t admit and take a defeat;

One who won’t change, the right to defend

But makes excuses for wrong to the end –

One who is wrong and won’t change to go straight

Is one who will never be famous or great.

Jane Stevens West

Used by permission

Contents

PREFACE

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1: THE BEGINNING

CHAPTER 2: WORDS: GOOD, BAD AND UGLY

CHAPTER 3: THE CYCLE OF ABUSE

CHAPTER 4: PROFILES OF THE SILENT KILLER

CHAPTER 5: DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE: THE MASK

CHAPTER 6: THE SILENT KILLER TOUCHES OTHERS

CHAPTER 7: GUERRILLA WARFARE

CHAPTER 8: WORD THERAPY

What is Verbal Abuse?

"If you have ever heard something said to you or about you that, if believed, would lead you to assume that you are less than you are, different from whom you know yourself to be, or even not who you are, you have heard verbal abuse."

Patricia Evans, Teen Torment

"Unless you have been a victim of verbal abuse, you cannot understand the pain."

Dr. Jay Grady

"For every person in today’s society who has been subject to some type of physical abuse, there are hundreds of others who are suffering the effects of verbal abuse."

Susan Forward, Ph.D.

"It takes strength to endure verbal abuse. It takes courage to stop it."

Daniel G. Hiers, Ph.D.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

Proverbs 25:11

PREFACE

In the spring of 1970, NASA launched a space mission named Apollo 13, which was to be the second time man was to land on the moon. Everything looked okay at launch, and the crew was on their way to the moon. On April 13, 1970 mission control received this transmission from command module pilot Jack Swigert, Houston we have a problem. For the next several days the astronauts were engaged in a life and death situation. Millions of Americans sat glued in front of their televisions watching the drama play out. The mission had to be aborted and the crew landed safely.

Commander Swigert’s words, WE HAVE A PROBLEM, are relevant to the lives of many people today. We have a problem that is devastating, degrading, demeaning and destroying the lives of many men, women, and children. Rarely is it discussed publicly or in our churches. What is this problem that damages so many lives? The answer is VERBAL ABUSE.

Verbal abuse has been here since the beginning of mankind. It had its origin in Genesis 3, when Adam blamed Eve for his problem. Adam also blamed God and told Him that it was His fault, since He was the one who gave him the woman. Eve blamed the serpent for her problem. Trying to shift blame to others is a classic trait of verbal abusers. This one biblical illustration shows us the power of words.

There is a major lack of resources available for Christian women and men who need help in dealing with verbal abuse. For years the majority of attention has been on physical and sexual abuse and the issue of verbal abuse has been ignored or overlooked. The scarcity of books written on the subject of verbal abuse is shocking and disturbing. It is ironic that the vast body of Christian literature written today deals mainly with physical, sexual, and financial issues. The shelves at Christian bookstores are filled with books on how to pray, end-time prophecies, and family issues, but there is not one book that deals with the problem of verbal abuse.

This is the reason I have written this book: You are a Door Prize, not a Door Mat. It is time to expose the truth that verbal abuse is real and that it is prevalent even in many Christian homes. There are millions of hurting people, especially women, who need be set free from the effects of verbal abuse. If the secular world has books dealing with verbal abuse, then why doesn’t the Christian community? This book has the potential of changing your life, marriage, and relationships forever. It will answer your questions about verbal abuse. Here are some of the benefits you will receive from this book:

A. This book is going to help you identify and better understand how verbal abusive behavior works. (In other words: verbal abuse 101).

B. Second, this book will help you strengthen those areas of your inner being that cause you to become a target of verbal abuse.

C. Lastly, this book will help you in your steps toward physical and spiritual healing.

Here is the big question: How can you know if you are a victim of verbal abuse? If you answer yes to any of the following questions, then you need to read this book.

1. Were you verbally abused as a child by your parents, siblings, relatives, or friends or classmates?

2.Were you verbally abused in a dating relationship or marriage that ended in separation or divorce?

3.Are you currently in a verbally abusive dating or marriage relationship?

Do you suffer emotional problems such as low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety because of verbal abuse? If any of these things sound familiar to you, it is time to be an over comer and Stop Verbal Abuse. Don’t wait, start NOW!

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

EPHESIANS 4:29

God’s Image of You I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works: and that my soul knoweth right well.

PSALM 139.13

INTRODUCTION

If you have ever been in a verbally abusive relationship, your life is like a ride on a merry-go-round. It goes around and around and there never seems to be a time or place when it stops. For those of you who have ridden a merry-go-round, you know that the only way to get off safely is for it to come to a complete stop.

To live the abundant life the Bible promises, you must get off the spinning merry-go-round on which you have been living. I can hear many of you say, How? With the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God, you will be able to stop the dizzy spiral of verbal abuses and reclaim your dignity, self-esteem and quality of life.

Our churches are literally filled with thousands upon thousands of damaged Christian women, who are victims of verbal abuse. These women have been affected by words spoken or written to them that they have assimilated as being the truth. Those words have been like toxic missiles hitting their target and doing tremendous damage. Some of that damage has resulted in a lifetime of devastation. They have no idea of who, what or where to turn