Hubris Towers Season 1, Episode 4: Ominous Undertones

By Ben Y. Faroe and Bill Hoard

A trio of enigmatic visitors bring out a new side of Mr. Schwartz, while rumors of imminent plumbing disaster take on a life of their own among the tenants of Hubris Towers.

These things always blow over, of course, but it’s still best to investigate, if only to satisfy the tenants. Little does Jimmy know the stakes are about to be raised and new alliances formed as his investigation turns up rather more than he wanted to know about Hubris Towers and Ana makes a disturbing discovery of her own.

At least there’s Mrs. Plover’s pie to look forward to. There’s no way pie can go wrong. Right?

This is the fourth installment in Hubris Towers, a comedy series for fans of P. G. Wodehouse and Fawlty Towers. If you’re new to the series, sign up at byfaroe.com/hubris to try the first two episodes on us.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Clickworks Press
• Release date: Sep 5, 2015
• ISBN: 9781943383078

Book preview

Hubris Towers

Season 1

Episode 4: Ominous Undertones

Bill Hoard & Ben Y. Faroe

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Copyright © 2015 Bill Hoard and Ben Y. Faroe.

All rights reserved.

First publication: Clickworks Press, 2015.

Release: CP-HT1.4-INT-E.M-1.0

Sign up for Hubris Towers updates at bit.ly/gethubris.

ISBN-10: 1-943383-07-3

ISBN-13: 978-1-943383-07-8

Hubris Towers

Season 1

Episode 4: Ominous Undertones

The morning after the debacle at the Pericles, Jimmy sat across from Mr. Schwartz in the manager’s office, doing his best to remain optimistic in the face of Mr. Schwartz’s pleasantries.

Burke continues to emphasize that you were highly instrumental in the oversight and operational management of the Towers during my absence, Mr. Acorn. I am quite convinced he intends this as a compliment. Mr. Schwartz gave Jimmy a flat smile. It seems congratulations are in order.

Jimmy wasn’t sure if this was Mr. Schwartz’s way of congratulating him, or if another shoe was in the process of dropping. An awkward silence ballooned between them.

No doubt any lingering eccentricities in your management style, such as it is, can be attributed to your rather diverse range of work experience to date, Mr. Schwartz added helpfully.

Jimmy’s mind continued to cycle urgently through calculations about whether a ‘thank you’ was in order.

And, after all, even the best oversight sometimes suffers from a lack of adequate support. I’m sure you put in your best effort, eh, Mr. Acorn?

Er. Yes, Mr. Schwartz. Another silence threatened. Thank you, Jimmy added pre-emptively.

Mr. Schwartz looked down and shuffled some papers, looking satisfied.

A pity. Well, Mr. Acorn. Pay it no mind. We all have to start somewhere.

Er. Yes, sir. Thank you.

Mr. Schwartz handed him the crisp stack of papers.

A few matters for you to attend to this morning.

Yes, sir.

There was a knock at the door, and Billiam stuck his head in.

Excuse me, Mr. Schwartz.

Not now, Billiam.

Very sorry, sir. There’s a Mr. Smith here to see you.

Mr. Schwartz paled slightly.

He said it was about to be an emergency, Billiam added.

Mr. Schwartz swallowed.

Jimmy recalled a pair of occasions on which a man had called to set up an appointment on behalf of Mr. Smith. On one such call, Jimmy’s mention of Mr. Schwartz’s hospitalization had brought a confused, I thought he had a couple more weeks.

Jimmy had been able to make nothing of this, but when he’d tried to clarify, the man had quickly excused himself and ended the call.

He looked up at Mr. Schwartz, who was straightening a tidy pile of folders on his desk with prim, nervous, utterly unnecessary motions.

I see. Thank you, Billiam. Show him in. He rose. Thank you, Mr. Acorn. Mr. Hubris will be by later to discuss the outcome of last night’s events at the Pericles.

Er, yes, sir.

Jimmy waited for the polite verbal jab that would inevitably follow.

Very well, said Mr. Schwartz. Good day.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Jimmy left as Billiam returned and showed three men in to see Mr. Schwartz. The leader—presumably Mr. Smith—was a large bald man in an impeccable suit. The others were in nondescript coveralls. All three were very muscular.

During the ensuing meeting Jimmy grew increasingly puzzled as Billiam was summoned into the office every few minutes and sent scurrying off, first for cold beers, then for fancy cocktails and a bulging sub sandwich, then for a bottle of champagne and three empty glasses on a tray. Jimmy was not able to hear what the men were discussing through the closed office door, but the deep voice of the leader kept up a genial rumble, punctuated only occasionally by some sort of hurried explanations or assurances from Mr. Schwartz.

Once, near the end of the meeting, Jimmy heard a sharp, crunching snap like a branch breaking. His initial urge was to poke his head in and make sure everything was all right, but as he approached the door he heard the large man’s rumbling monologue proceeding calmly enough.

Once the men had made their exit—with a courteous parting nod from Mr. Smith and a pair of empty beer bottles from one of the men in coveralls—Jimmy stepped into the office.

Mr. Schwartz was bent over next to one corner of his desk and his arms were moving rapidly in some circular motion Jimmy couldn’t parse at first. Then he realized he was hearing the noise of duct tape unrolling in jerky increments, and then that Mr. Schwartz was doing a rather rushed job of taping one of the thick wooden