Adapted by Julie Hoverson from a story by Saki (H.H. Munro) When the Christmas rush takes shoppers off to the big city, how do you get them to stick to the local shops? A lovely tale of viral marketing! [Saki was often way ahead of his time!] Announcer - Jennifer Dixon Mr. Scarrick - John Lingard Jimmy - Will Watt Lucy - Tanja Milojevic [Lightning Bolt Theater] Boy - Reynaud LeBoeuf Man - Anthony D.P. Mann [Horror Etc.] Miss Fritten - Robyn Keyes Mrs. Greyes - Jennifer Dixon Mrs. Gordon - Judith Moore Gloria - Beverly Poole Other women - Julie Hoverson Sound and mastering by Julie Hoverson Music by Kevin McLeod (Incompetech.com) Picture by lucias_clay, found with help from Bill Jones. ************************************************ Quail Seed Cast: Announcer Scarrick, shopkeeper (M50s) Jimmy, Assistant (M20s) Lucy, Jimmy's girl (F20s) Boy (M20s) Man/Beard (M30s) Miss Fritten (F30s) Greyes (F30s) Gordon (F30s) Miss Jones (F30s) Miss Smith (F30s) Gloria (F20s) Lipping (F30s)   SAKI OPENING MUSIC   SCENE 1.    SCARRICK'S SUNDRIES (SHOP) SOUND     SHOP DOOR, BELL, FOOTSTEPS LUCY    Hello?  Helloooo? JIMMY    [close]  Morning, Lucy! LUCY    [startled gasp]  Jimmy! There you are.  Bit... empty in here, isn’t it? JIMMY    [heavy sigh] A bit. LUCY    But where are all the Christmas shoppers? JIMMY    Shh!  Whatever you do, don't ask that in front of Mr. Scarrick.  You'll quite set him off.  LUCY    Oh! JIMMY    It's all right, he's out at the moment. LUCY    [impressed] He left you in charge? JIMMY    [heavy sigh, morose]  Only in the certainty that there won't be a stampede on our services. LUCY    That bad, eh? JIMMY    Yeah.  Quite. SOUND    DOOR, BELL, FOOTSTEPS MISS SMITH    Hello? SOUND    QUICK STEPS JIMMY    Yes?  How may I assist you? MISS SMITH    [nervous] Oh, I was -um- just looking for a railway timetable?  I'm going up to the city-- [breaks off] JIMMY    Sorry.  Clean out.  Perhaps next week. MISS SMITH    Ah.  Thank you. SOUND    FOOTSTEPS, BELL DOOR LUCY    You might have made a sale! JIMMY    She just wanted to look. LUCY    You don't know that. JIMMY    [bitter admission] She's the fourth today.  Everyone would rather take the train to town and shop in a big department store than [quoting] bother to take advantage of the convenience-- SOUND    DOOR BELL MISS JONES    Hello? JIMMY    ...and that's five. MUSIC   SCENE 2.    PUB SCARRICK    The outlook is not encouraging for us smaller businesses. SOUND    POURING DRINK SCARRICK    These big concerns are offering all sorts of attractions to the shopping public which we couldn't afford to imitate, even on a small scale-- reading-rooms and play-rooms and gramophones and Heaven knows what. BOY    [normal, commiserating] People like shiny objects. SCARRICK    And they don't care to buy half a pound of sugar nowadays unless they can listen to Harry Lauder and have the latest Australian cricket scores ticked off before their eyes. MAN    Seems like quite a trip for sugar. SCARRICK    With the big Christmas stock we've got in, we ought to keep half a dozen assistants hard at work.  But as it is my nephew Jimmy and myself can pretty well attend to it ourselves.  In fact, I've left him in charge.  I've never done that before. BOY    I'm sure he'll be fine. SCARRICK    [drinks] It's a nice stock of goods, too.  I could run it all off in a few weeks time, but there's no chance of that--not unless the London line was to get snowed up for a fortnight before Christmas. MAN    [musing] How you gonna keep them home on the farm? MUSIC   SCENE 3.    SCARRICK'S SOUND    SHOP DOOR, BELL MRS. GREYES    --so tedious, but there it is, and what else is one to do? MISS FRITTEN    We shall simply wait for the next--  SCARRICK    May I help you ladies? MRS. GREYES    Oh!  [evasive] Really, we just stopped in to see about --- um, about-- MISS FRITTEN    Bootlaces.  MRS. GREYES    Bootlaces!  Yes!  I've been in dire need of some-- SCARRICK    [hearty] Of course.  Over on the left wall, nea