When Cael Carzfinker, blade maiden of the ninth rank (etc., etc.) comes to the castle of Evil Wizard Mazurin to rescue a captive prince, the outcome is.... magical. Cast List Cael - Julie Hoverson Amalan - Krystal Baker Mazurin - Gareth Bowley Gigli - Reynaud LeBoeuf Prince Tupin - Abner Senires Music:  Celestial Aeon Project and Matti Paalanen Editing / Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover design:  Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a road through a dark and spooky forest, leading up to an evil wizard's castle" ________________________________________________   SWORD KVETCH Cast: Mazurin, Evil Wizard Cael, Amazon Warrior Tupin, Captive Prince Gigli, Goblin Amalan, Magic Sword OLIVIA      What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's the dark woods outside an evil castle, can't you tell?  MUSIC AMB     SPOOKY NIGHT WOODS SOUND     WOLF HOWL IN THE DISTANCE SOUND     HOOVES ON DIRT UNDER CAEL     [sigh] Typical. AMALAN     What? CAEL     I could write a ballad already.  AMALAN     Oh, no.  No, no, no - that's not your job. CAEL     Shh.  I'm composing. [muttering to self] AMALAN     [whispered] [sigh] Typical. CAEL     Evil castle looms ahead....  Hmm... Nighttime, need to rest my head-- AMALAN     You can't rhyme head with ahead. CAEL     It rhymes, doesn't it? AMALAN     [exasperated sigh] CAEL     [vague threat] I'm getting another sword. AMALAN     You always say that, but you know you couldn't do without me.  CAEL     [exasperated sigh] AMALAN     And who could you ever pass me off to? CAEL     Someone deaf. MUSIC AMD     ECHOEY CASTLE SOUND     SLAPPY FOOTSTEPS RUN IN GIGLI     [coming on]  Master!  Master! MAZURIN     [distracted]  Mm? GIGLI     Master! MAZURIN     Shh-shh-shh.  [excited] Do you see what I have here, my smelly little homunculi? GIGLI     But master--! MAZURIN     [tsks]  I've turned this drop of water into an equal measure of dust. GIGLI     [flat] Why? MAZURIN     It's a vital transmutation.  A change like this could make a great deal of difference! GIGLI     To a thirsty cockroach? MAZURIN     No no, you have to see how, yes, on a tiny scale, this could be a negligible change-- GIGLI     [sigh] Sir? MAZURIN     --But if you do this a million times at once, with a million drops of water, you could cause an entire lake to suddenly turn to dust, ruining agriculture.  And then, with a simple reverse, water from dust! GIGLI     Good.  Lovely.  Can I report now?  It's kind of urgent. SOUND     FIDDLING ABOUT WITH BOTTLES, ETC. MAZURIN     [still distracted]  Uh - what?  Yes, of course, go ahead. GIGLI     Are you listening? SOUND     BOTTLE SET DOWN MAZURIN     [distant]  Of course. GIGLI     [exasperated] Oh! SOUND     BOTTLE SMASHES ON FLOOR MAZURIN     What?  Why did you--? GIGLI     Listening now?  MAZURIN     [annoyed]  Yes, get on with it! GIGLI     Someone is approaching the castle! MAZURIN     [losing interest] Oh, well - set up the defenses. GIGLI     It's an Amazon! MAZURIN     [mildly interested]  Oh, that's different.  [shrug]  Still, the defenses... GIGLI     The moat monster is in labor. MAZURIN     I thought it laid eggs. GIGLI     Well, not after you did one of your little experiments on it.  And it's not best pleased about it. MAZURIN     Oh. GIGLI     And the man-eating vines--? MAZURIN     What?  I didn't do--  They're not giving birth, are they? GIGLI     Think it through? MAZURIN     What? GIGLI     Man-eating vines?  Amazon warrior? MAZURIN     [realizing slowly]  Oh?  Oh! GIGLI     [sigh] MUSIC SOUND     HOOFBEATS ON WOOD AMALAN     Cael, I don't like this. CAEL     You mean the way nothing at all tried to stop us from strolling right up to the front door of the evil wizard's castle? AMALAN     [sarcastic]  No, I meant the two-headed gargoyles - they're so passe'.  Of course that's what I mean!  There must be a trap-- CAEL     I'll keep my eyes peeled. AMALAN     Me too. CAEL     You haven't any eyes. AMALAN     Don't nitpick. SOUND     HOOFBEATS STOP SOUND