[warning - mature situations, foul language and violence] An ornery old woman takes on all comers in defense of her family and her freedom - even the Devil and Death!  Cast List Maggie - Julie Hoverson Nursey - Robyn Keyes  Bertha - Rhys TM Barry - Mr. Synyster Kev - Michael Coleman (Tales of the Extraordinary) Jemma - Gwendolyn-Jensen Woodard (Gypsy Audio) Morte - Russell Gold Devil -Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Ted - Russell Gold Spike - Paul Mannering (Brokensea Audio) Other Bikers -  Brandon O'Brien; Bill Hollweg Music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Photo:  Elizabeth Flores       (courtesy of Stock Xchange.com) "What kind of a place is it?  Why it's a recovery ward, can't you tell?" ***************************************** CRUMPING THE DEVIL Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Maggie Kev/"the Maniac", grandson Bertha, the manipulative daughter Barry, Bertha's bastard husband Nursey Morte Satan Jemma, the pregnant wimp daughter Ted, Jemma's abusive bastard husband Spike, violent biker OLIVIA     Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a recovery ward, can't you tell?  MUSIC AMBIANCE    Hospital, beeps etc. MAGGIE    [talking on phone]  I don't give a flying rat's flaming anus how good a job he does! Shall I roll past your garage and post photos of what he did to his wife?  Perhaps I should leave a nice big bloodstain on your doorstep with the words wifebeater scrawled on the pavemment - don't think I won't! PATIENT    [groan] MAGGIE    [up] Stuff it! [back on phone] Oh, yes!  [evil laugh] You come down here and say that to my face - I'll call the press.  [delighted laugh] I can just see the rags with you beating up a helpless gran in a wheelchair.  Tough guy!  SOUND    DOOR OPENS, FEET COME IN NURSEY    Now, now - phone time's over.  Time to say goodbye to all your friends. MAGGIE    Bugger off, stay-puft. NURSEY    [tsks]  SOUND    PHONE GRABBED AND HUNG UP FORCEFULLY NURSEY    Dear, dear - no need to drive up your blood pressure.  You need to stay calm, ducks, and get your rest. SOUND    CURTAIN PULLED AROUND BED MAGGIE    I'm ordering prunes!  Lots of prunes!  Just so you have to clean up the mess when they come out the other end! NURSEY    My, my - but I'm not here all the time. MAGGIE    [snarled] I have your schedule memorized. MUSIC BERTHA    Mother, you need to be rational about this.  This is your fourth hospitalization this year - you've reached a point where you need someone to look after you.  MAGGIE    Visiting nurse comes by twice a week.  BERTHA     [prompting] Barry! BARRY    What if you... fall? MAGGIE    I have this very special invention.  It allows me to magically contact help when I need it.  BARRY    Oh, what? MAGGIE    It's called a cellphone, you scrofulous prick.  I'll wear it on a lanyard if it'll make you piss off.  Now get your sorry arses out of my sickroom. PATIENT    Go away. MAGGIE    See?  Even that bastard hates you. BERTHA    No mother, we're not leaving until we get this settled. MAGGIE    Nurse! BARRY    There is a button-- MAGGIE    Fuck off - this annoys her more.  Nurse! SOUND    DOOR OPENS, FEET COME IN SLOWLY KEV    H'lo Gran.  [reluctant] Mum.  [distasteful] Barry.    MAGGIE    Who the bloody buggery hell are you supposed to be? BERTHA    Oh, heavens, her memory is going! MAGGIE    Don't get your hopes up, arse-face.  Are you trying to tell me the fruit of your sweaty loins-- BERTHA    [gasp] MAGGIE    --has taken to running about dressed as sir poncy de leon? KEV    I'm Hamlet. MAGGIE    [laughing wickedly] Go on!  You?  You can't memorize the balance of your overdraft!  Come on then, soliloquize us! KEV    [chuckles] It's a sales promotion for a mattress shop.  To sleep or not to sleep, all that bollocks. BERTHA    [muttered] I just don't know where he gets this language from. MAGGIE    Oh, god - if you're truly that fucking dense, I wish I was your father so at least I'd have some sl