Burdens Do a Body Good

By Michele Howe

Being a woman in today’s world means wrestling—physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally—with lots of weighty struggles. Lifestyle mentor Michele Howe and orthopedic surgeon Christopher Foetisch offer a well-rounded “training manual” filled with inspirational insight and practical advice for handling life’s toughest battles with inner and outer strength. Thematic chapters begin with Howe’s trademark real-life vignettes and essays on personal and situational topics: loss, sorrow, aging, job displacement, divorce, parenting issues, financial setbacks, illness, and more. Discover new ways of dealing with old problems and develop the multifaceted fitness needed to fearlessly face some of life’s fiercest challenges.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hendrickson Publishers
• Release date: May 15, 2010
• ISBN: 9781598565867

Book preview

PART 1: PERSONAL LIFE CHALLENGES

1

WAITING

Choosing Calm Over Control

According to my ability and judgment;

I will keep them from harm and injustice.

Hippocrates [1]

What type of client, customer, or patient are you? When you walk through the waiting room door, does the person on the other side flinch, tense, or otherwise prepare for attack? Do you disappoint, discourage, or offer a disgruntled impression? Is every statement or question voiced one punctuated by an undergirding of subtle disrespect, disinterest, or distrust? What is your attitude saying about you, your words notwithstanding?

It used to be that physicians had to memorize the Hippocratic oath, the most memorable line, to laypeople, being, First, do no harm. Nowadays, this pledge has been updated to reflect a modern, high-tech society. Still, the underlying message remains the same. That is, one individual is making a promise to do his or her level best to help another person in need. Honestly now, aren’t we thankful that the majority of doctors and other professionals from whom we seek aid do abide by this long-standing motto? If we didn’t trust that person sitting on the other side of the desk or across the room to make a positive difference in our lives, we wouldn’t waste time seeking out his or her expertise, right?

Though we continue to seek expert help from these professionals, we’ve similarly begun to tote along with us an attitude of consumer elitism. Truth to tell, we’re ever ready to assert our rights even when they’re not being compromised. We get angry when our appointment is pushed back. We feel frustrated when a promised contract doesn’t materialize. We complain and fret and moan about every little inconvenience without taking time to consider that our minor grievance could transform into another’s good. How is this so?

Consider this. The next time you’re left waiting for an hour because of an unexpected emergency and your friendly neighborhood professional begs your pardon upon greeting you ... give it. Think about how you feel when your best-laid plans go wrong. We’ve all had those days when we started out on time armed with a solid plan of great intent and then were interrupted, stalled, and thwarted. How did we feel? We were discouraged, weary, and wanted to give up. In the coming days, do yourself and everyone else a favor. Hone that memory of yours that never forgets an offense against you for the good of someone else, and take the oath to keep others from harm. Purpose never to rattle someone’s already fragile emotional cage with your unrelenting demands or unrealistic expectations. Rather, tell the person that you understand. Tell them you appreciate their diligent service. Tell them thank you. You’ll begin to see the person behind the professional façade, and we all know how terrific it feels to have someone see the us behind what we do. It can’t do any harm.

Takeaway Action Thought: Never view waiting as wasted time. These are opportune moments allotted for the purpose of regaining some inner stillness, calm, and clarity.

Weight-Bearing Exercises

There are only two ways to wait. We choose either to wait well or to wait poorly. If we give in to impatient thoughts and words, then we risk jeopardizing our health and that of those with whom we come into contact. In a society in which there is only stop and go, waiting offers a welcome in-between space to purposefully hit the pause button and to rest and reflect. It doesn’t matter what we’re waiting for: an appointment, an apology, or an answer. It’s the conduct of our heart and minds that will make all the difference.

Waiting Well

lowers blood pressure; when we accept the uncontrollable as necessarily part of daily life, our physical bodies take note and respond accordingly.

reduces inner stress; from headaches to body aches, we feel better when we realize we are not in control of others’ behaviors or responses, only our own.

makes one more productive; being forced to wait in one area allows more time and energy to invest in countless others. There is no wasted time if we use each day to its fullest.

allows for better decision making; rather than reacting with anger and impulsivity, we thoughtfully consider, decide, and determine taking into account all possible repercussions of our choices.

expands our understanding of another’s perspective; removing ourselves from the emotional intensity of the moment enables us to see a situation more accurately as time passes.

gives opportunity to love sacrificially; we deepen, grow, and change every time we put someone’s needs above our own, personal discomfort and all.

Waiting Poorly

raises blood pressure; as our mind thinks, our emotions flare, and from head to toe our bodies respond to the stress. What and how we process our thoughts and experiences does matter.

produces anxiety; we fret, worry, and stew ... and forfeit the inner peace for which we long.

inhibits productivity; when we focus exclusively on what we can’t have, we become immobilized, unable to be of any good to anyone or anything else in our lives.

increases chances of reacting impulsively; stand back, don’t react. The more frequently a person acts or speaks before thinking, the greater the potential for negative and long-lasting fallout.

shrinks one’s sense of proportion; when we see only our side of a situation, we’re not viewing life as it is. Whenever there are two people, there are two sides to every story, always.

robs us of our ability to grow by enduring difficulties; when we respond self-protectively or solely with self-interest, we are the ones who are short-changed most.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Psalm 27:14

Note

[1]. Hippocrates; for classical and modern versions of the oath, see www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/doctors/oath.

2

UNCERTAINTY

Defuse Your Anxiety by Looking Out for Others

To deeply understand fear we must also look at ourselves and the way we interpret our situations. Those scary objects can reveal what we cherish. They point out our insatiable quest for control, our sense of aloneness.

Edward T. Welch in Running Scared [1]

It hadn’t been five minutes into the film The Pursuit of Happyness before I felt something deep inside of me rebel. That foreshadowing device found in excellent literature that honors English students are so familiar with as they learn to identify, separate out, and even anticipate was haunting me from the outset. It didn’t matter that I was already aware of the storyline and the satisfactory conclusion of this particular based-on-real-life tale. It still affected me, troubled me.

I couldn’t shake that insistent voice inside my head that kept saying, This is wrong, wrong, wrong. Throughout this film, in which a family was rendered homeless after a job loss, it felt obscene that it could happen in a country like ours. And yet, seeing it on the big screen ignited something that I’ve had a hard time shaking. I realized that every one of us is just a few steps from some sort of life-altering catastrophe. Your potential pitfall might be a minor illness turned terminal. Another person might suffer job loss or career replacement. Someone else might lose a spouse or child to violence. The neighbor down the road, or in the next apartment, could lose her home. You see, it doesn’t matter how the displacement happens or even what form it takes. The bottom line is that every man, woman, and child needs back-up, lots of back-up.

This entity we term back-up finds its form through family, friends, or work colleagues who can be counted on to lend a hand during those spaces of time when everything we’ve got is not enough. Think of offering the warm hand of friendship, offering forgiveness, offering whatever it is that someone you know needs as smart investment and not in the predatory, I’m-giving-to-get sense. Rather, see people’s needs, really see them. Then don’t go home and fret and worry and stew about it. Put feet to your newly acquired vision, and set your hands to bringing some relief, some measure of good, where it’s most needed.

Whether or not you ever envision yourself as a person in need, the potential is always there. The problem is; ignoring it doesn’t make the risk go away, and the time will come when you’re at the mercy of others. Does that frighten you? Maybe it should. It can be a terrifying reality given some people’s propensity to blindness when it comes to lending aid. Seeing is believing. We need to open our eyes and our hearts. This might equate to giving until it hurts, in our bank accounts, our time, and our talents ... our treasures. Today, look around and willingly take on the role of being a back-up person for someone in need. Maybe in time, that fortunate soul will have your back when you require it.

Takeaway Action Thought: Oftentimes the best remedy to combat anxious uncertainty is to become another’s back-up person.

Weight-Bearing Exercises

All sorts of remedies are being offered