From Stress to Calm: Relaxation Secrets Children Can Teach Us

By Natalia Sedo

As children we knew the secrets to relaxation: Now is the time to rediscover them.

Plenty of books have been written about stress management, yet few of them provide simple and sustainable solutions that make them applicable to our everyday lives. That is why "From Stress to Calm: Relaxation Secrets Children Can Teach Us" is so unique. The book focuses on natural relaxation techniques, which, in our earlier years, proved to effectively manage and suppress stress.

A wide range of real – life stressful situations are analyzed to discover how and why they overwhelm us. Throughout the book there are vivid reminders of the natural coping mechanisms that children instinctively rely on to reduce stress. Stressful personal and professional experiences from a variety of individuals demonstrate how these childhood skills can be successfully adapted in adulthood to achieve life – changing results.

As you read " From Stress to Calm," you will re-acquire natural stress relief skills that incorporate laughing, breathing and focusing on the present. By the conclusion of the book, when you recognize signs of stress, you will be empowered to move beyond your initial feelings and remain calm regardless of the circumstances in which you find yourself.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Natalia Sedo
• Release date: Nov 22, 2013
• ISBN: 9781310423338

Natalia Sedo

Natalia Sedo is a master's prepared nurse practitioner and board certified nurse coach in the Boston area. For 20 years, she has incorporated stress reduction and complementary mind body therapies into her holistic approach to patient care. Natalia has successfully used relaxation techniques to address stress related illnesses and improve overall well being.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Introduction

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.

~ Chinese proverb

My clothes felt wet and heavy on my body as I gazed out the window. I had just rushed inside from playing on the swing set, making it in just before the sky opened up with a determined fury. One moment it was sunny and then, within a few minutes, it was dark as night.

The sky lit up with large streaking bolts of lightning replacing the darkness. Sonic like booms followed, coming from all directions. For a long 15 minutes, the lightning and darkness fought with each other for space and effect.

As the activity diminished, my mother's voice called out, Come here! Look to the west, it is sunny and raining at the same time! I ran to the window. A ray of light was peeking through the dark sky, illuminating a peaceful path to the earth. As the bolts and sounds sped away, small patches of blue rapidly expanded above me. Soon, the anger of the sky paved the way for a large, beautiful rainbow.

I sat in the lecture hall listening to my professor talking about the growing problem of stress. Even though I was tired from a late night of studying, I found this topic particularly interesting. It reminded me of a hectic time during my senior year of college. A paper was due in two days and it was an assignment I should have started a couple of weeks before. Although the research was done and I had some idea of how I wanted to organize it, I hadn’t started writing. In the past, I had always managed to get all my coursework done. But this time I was playing it dangerously close. Now, as I was listening to the lecturer talk about stress management, she confirmed the idea that stress can at times provide a surge of adrenalin. This triggers a fight or flight reaction that helps you to survive and get things done. I was unknowingly dependent on this adrenalin to motivate me. The days leading to this adrenalin rush were stressful and I was a wreck. I had trouble sleeping and my muscles felt tight. The stress affected my thoughts negatively, producing an anticipatory fear of not being able to perform to high standards, not finishing on time, or failing completely.

Nursing school was stressful for me and for many of my classmates. The faculty had high expectations and there was a lot of information to understand. We experienced pressure to be in the top of the class and to be invited into the nursing honor society. Added to this was my own sense of responsibility to do my best. After all, clients would be depending on my nursing knowledge and skills to improve their health.

Many nursing students went to school full time and worked various jobs. Some of my classmates had children to care for or aging parents to watch over. Balancing course work, family responsibilities, relationships, and finding time for a personal life was taxing.

It wasn't surprising that a number of classmates were developing stress related illnesses such as stomach issues, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, or muscle aches. Classmates recited their busy schedules and lives as though they were badges of honor.

Even though the pressures of school were taking a toll on me, I didn't want to be somebody who was seemingly operating out of control. I aspired to be organized and do things correctly the first time. I wanted to build a solid foundation of knowledge for when I would work as a nurse. Unfortunately, I began to suffer from daily headaches. As the intensity of my headaches increased, I decided to seek help from the doctors at school.

After having all the necessary tests, it was determined that my headaches were stress related. Not wanting to take daily pain medications because I was concerned about side effects, I decided to begin treating my stress response in natural ways. This led me to learn relaxation techniques. Every day, I diligently practiced an abdominal breathing technique a nurse taught me. In addition, I researched other stress reduction tools.

In the process, I gained knowledge about the effects of stress and the benefits of stress reduction. My growing understanding of stress forced me to reflect on my past.

In high school, I took college prep classes, was involved in extracurricular activities, and was active with my friends and family. I was always on the go and never had a thought of slowing down. I could have a band concert at night and then go home and study until 1 am. Then I would wake up early before the school day to study some more. With confidence I would ace the test. Like an extra shot of caffeine at the precise moment I needed one, stress provided me a maximum positive benefit. There were no negative consequences I was aware of. Instead, I had the energy and drive to do it all.

For some reason, when I was in nursing school, things changed. I unexpectedly needed to learn how to manage my stress. Nursing school was beginning to dominate my thoughts and life. I was a perfectionist and could not let go. When it came to studying I pushed myself and a B for a grade was not acceptable. I needed the solid A. Since the worry of not achieving this goal produced stress, I had to change my perspective. I needed to focus on one day at a time and one task at a time, then let it go. I began to view school as a challenge that could be handled instead of a place where I felt so overwhelmed that it produced daily headaches.

I learned from the medical team at the university that stress is part of life that, left unchecked, can produce overwhelming mental and physical issues. In the time when men hunted and gathered their food instead of going to the supermarket, if one fell under attack by a tiger, his stress response primed his mind and body to fight or flee. His body’s automatic nervous system triggered the release of hormones, including adrenaline, that brought blood to his brain and muscles, quickened his pulse and breathing, increased his blood pressure, and tensed his muscles. Hormones would also have increased the rate at which glucose, or sugar, and fat entered into his blood to produce energy. Unfortunately, the stress response in our bodies is the same regardless of whether a threat is real or imagined. Simply imagining a stressor, such as competing in a race, confronting a co-worker, or being stuck in traffic produces the same response in our bodies as if the stressor were actually present.

Sometimes stressors have a natural end-point. For example, the stress of giving a speech is resolved once the speech has been given. Once the stressor is removed, the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, opposing the stress response and allowing for relaxation. At other times, multiple small stressors do not allow our body to return to a state of calm between larger stressful events. For example, a person’s day may include rushing in the morning to get to work on time, getting stuck in bad traffic, and an overwhelming and overscheduled day at work in which they are bombarded with calls, projects, and interruptions. The day may finally end with this person struggling to finish work and leave in time to get through traffic and run an errand before arriving, on-time, to a dinner engagement. On a day like this, once the stressful parts are over, one’s body will eventually calm itself down. However, in the case of chronic stress, in which every day is completely filled with stress or worry, the body’s stress response does not go away without action being taken to dissipate it.

We may not have control over the causes of our stress, but we do have control over how we respond to the stressors or situations that we encounter. Relaxation techniques are ways to trigger the relaxation, or parasympathetic, responses in our bodies. We can walk into a chaotic, stressful environment feeling relaxed and focused instead of feeling distressed.

I also learned from the medical team at the university that how you perceive stress makes a difference in how your body feels and what the state of your mind is. By beginning to change my attitude and controlling my breath I slowed down my racing thoughts. I was less preoccupied with schoolwork and could relax while doing other things. This introduction to the benefit of the mind-body connection was empowering.

Even as my workload became greater and more difficult, I felt in total control of things - very much like high school. I secured a part time job, was active with the Student Nurse Association, and had an active social life. My classmates often asked me how I could always be so calm and focused. Inside I was surprised at those remarks. I was just using the power of my mind to direct my energies to focus on tasks at hand. I also didn’t let my mind take off endlessly in circles of fear, anxiety, and worry.

Relaxation techniques became my rays of light and my rainbows. They helped me to take control over my stress, allowing me to focus and think clearly. They helped me to experience the peace and calm within the storm and guide me out of it. My experiences at nursing school led me on a journey of helping people overcome the negative consequences of stress. Through the years, I’ve been fortunate to help thousands of people improve their personal and professional lives through relaxation and stress management.

Today, as an adult nurse practitioner and personal life coach, I consult with individuals from every walk of life who are experiencing stress related illnesses or want to decrease their stress levels. Fortunately, the stigma of seeking professional help for chronic stress has slowly evaporated. People want to live higher quality lives. They are more cognizant of their family’s history of illness and want to avoid stress-related ailments. Health care professionals are more aware of stress-related complaints. Additionally, health organizations are more cognizant of the importance of reducing stress while managing and preventing illnesses.

Stress is a reality of every day life. In the 1980s workplace, stress was already considered to have reached epidemic proportions. Coleen Mulcahy wrote an article that was published in 2001, which examined disability claims related to stress based on employee survey results from the US Department of Health and Human Services. It found that seven out of ten employees had stress related illnesses. Additionally, between 1985 and 1990 the incidence of disabling stress more than doubled. Since then, we have continued to learn about the high cost of stress.

The American Psychological Association's Stress in America report from 2010 talked about the effects of stress:

High Levels of Stress Impair Cognitive Ability:

Reacting prematurely

Making greater mistakes in cognitive tasks

Poor memory

Greater use of stereotyped judgments

Slower performance in shifting attention between tasks

Reduced impulse control

Difficulty making decisions

Stress Impacts Your Body:

Headache

Muscle tension or pain

Chest pain

Fatigue

Change in sex drive

Stomach upset

Sleep problems

Stress Impacts Your Mood:

Anxiety

Restlessness

Lack of motivation or focus

Irritability or anger

Sadness or depression

Stress Impacts Your Behavior:

Over-eating or under-eating

Angry outbursts

Drug or alcohol abuse

Tobacco use

Social withdrawal

There are two main factors to consider when evaluating stress. First, the more life stressors you have, the higher the likelihood that you will experience stress-related symptoms. Second, as I learned in nursing school, the perception of the stressor influences the effect of the circumstance on stress.

When someone has large number of life stressors at the same time, it is important to ask, not assume, whether they are experiencing significant stress. Two people in the same situation may see and react to their circumstances differently.

Consider Bonnie and Rich, both of whom became divorced, have several children, and lost their jobs. Eventually they found jobs in another state doing similar work, but for a decrease in pay. In the process, they had to downsize their homes and eliminate many enjoyable lifestyle elements such as frequent trips to trendy dining establishments and foreign travel.

Rich is thankful for the opportunity to be working at his new company because there is great potential to grow and learn. The company's services are increasingly being requested outside of the United States. As somebody with international business development experience, Rich imagines that his new firm will eventually need to create a position in this area. Rich has the skills and knowledge to step into this role. He plans to skillfully position himself to take on these responsibilities in the future.

On the other hand, Bonnie feels personally and professionally insulted that she is taking a step down in her career. Her previous employer constantly gave her accolades for her performance, which resulted in many promotions. She frequently worked six days a week in addition to bringing work home. After her employer lost two major accounts, she was let go.

Bonnie was stunned by this lack of loyalty and vowed never again to dedicate herself to her job. At the same time, she was confident that she could find a new position fairly easily. Unfortunately, this was not the case. After eight painstaking months, she is thankful to be in a new job, because Bonnie has two kids in college. However, she continues to be filled with stress and uncertainty about her future.

While both Rich and Bonnie are in similar situations, one has taken a positive outlook while the other has seen the change as negative. Due to her perception, Bonny’s stress is greater.

When I graduated from my nurse practitioner program in 1998, the United States were in a financial boom. The stock market was providing great returns, home