A Fear of Rejection

By Bridgitte Lesley

Every time Clifford saw Pam his heart skipped a beat. There was something about her. But he was scared of being turned down. He so badly wanted to speak to her and invite her out on a date even if it was just for a cup of coffee. But that little niggle in the back of his mind. The fear of being rejected. What would she see if she looked at him? Would she see him as an old man? There was always someone around when he saw her. What would his daughter and the baseball team think if he suddenly struck up a conversation with her? She never stayed long enough after a game or practice to have a chat. Clifford couldn’t get her out of his mind. Pam felt her heart lurch every time she saw Clifford. She was far too shy to strike up a conversation with Clifford. She was so scared of being rejected. What would he see in her? A woman or a young girl? Would the fear of rejection stand in their way?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bridgitte Lesley
• Release date: Jul 28, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301726745

Bridgitte Lesley

Hello from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa!Having survived an attempt at being murdered, I have plunged myself in to my writing. After my gruesome ordeal, I live life from day to day. Appreciating every minute and moment. Yes, I have the scars from an axe being driven in to my head repeatedly. I suffer from PTSD and OCD. But, I am here to tell the tale. And I have a lot to tell!I am currently revamping my older titles and will be adding a few. In a nutshell, you will find a mix of romance, adventure, lots of witty banter and a happy ever after. All round, expect a feel-good read.Thank you for reading and for your support!Bridgitte

Book preview

A Fear of Rejection

By

Bridgitte Lesley

Version 1

Published by

Bridgitte Lesley on Smashwords

A Fear of Rejection

Copyright © 2012 Bridgitte Lesley

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only and may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Your support and respect for the property of this author is appreciated.

This book is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or locations is purely coincidental. The characters are a production of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously.

* * * * *

A Fear of Rejection

* * * * *

CHAPTER 1

Clifford sat and watched as he always did. He attended every single game of baseball that Anne played. He knew all the girls in the squad by name. Most of them were studying with Anne. The only person that he never got to chat to was Pam. She always greeted him but stayed far away. When they were out on the field he watched every move that Pam made. There was something about her that appealed to him. She was beautiful. She had an amazing figure. When he looked at someone standing next to Pam it was as if she stood out from the crowd. She had been put together perfectly. She had a tiny little waist and a nice breast size. And Clifford was a breast man. She wasn’t too big but in proportion with her body.

Even when she threw or caught the ball it was done gracefully. She was all woman. He wondered why Anne never spoke about Pam. She spoke about everyone else on the team but not her. He would be sure to ask. Over the last year he had come to meet all the parents. They all came to watch the games. But, again, Pam’s parents never attended. He sat and wondered as he watched Pam.

He smiled as he listened. The game had come to an end. Everyone whistled and cheered. Clifford smiled as he watched Anne and the rest of the squad gather in a huddle. They threw their hands up in the air and cheered. They had won again. The band started to play and the cheerleaders danced around and sang their war cries. There was great excitement in the stands. Clifford smiled. Every time he attended a game the excitement levels went sky high. He always felt the little surge of adrenalin. The parents all got up and started walking to the bottom of the stand. Clifford got up and walked with them. Rory smiled. I love it when our girls win. Clifford chuckled and nodded. Can’t help but win with crowds like this. Rory chuckled and nodded. Rory, do you know the entire team? Rory nodded. Sure do. Why do you ask? Anne. She never says much about Pam. Rory smiled and nodded. Pam is the odd man out. She is a lecturer. No! Rory grinned and nodded. That is why she never attends the barbies and things. She plays the game but doesn’t socialize. Kind of a. I don’t know. She is the teacher and they are the kids. Know what I mean? Clifford nodded. But then where is her family? They never come and watch. Don’t they support her? Rory smiled and shrugged. Probably got the husband at home with the kids. Clifford chuckled and nodded.

They walked all the way down to the team and Clifford waited for Anne. She ran up to him and he hugged her. Well done! She giggled. Oh Dad! Did you see my catch? Clifford nodded. Swell! He looked up in to the most amazing pair of green eyes. Pam suddenly looked away. Night everyone. They all turned to Pam. Night. See you. She smiled as she walked off. She slowly started to jog towards the exit of the stadium. Clifford watched her as she ran off. Anne smiled. Such an amazing woman Dad. She is actually a Doctor. But she lectures too. Clifford smiled and nodded. You have never spoken about her before Anne. Anne nodded. We don’t see much of the Doc Dad. Only at the practices and at the games. And other than that only when she does her lectures. She is rather. I don’t know. Illusive. Clifford smiled. But then she is older than you lot. Anne nodded. Pretty young. She must be thirty at least. Clifford nodded. Peter chuckled. Wrong. She is twenty three. Anne turned around and gasped. Can’t be! She is a Doctor! Peter nodded.

Doctor Davis finished her final year of school when she was all of sixteen. From there she went on to study as a Doctor. She still lives with her Dad. He is bed ridden. Clifford frowned. And how do you know all of this Peter? Peter grinned. I am the family attorney. I have handled their affairs for a long time. Clifford smiled and nodded as they walked. And what about her Mum? Peter nodded. She passed away a few years ago. Clifford nodded. So she isn’t married? Peter chuckled and shook his head. Anne ran off with one of the girls. Peter stopped. Do I sense a little interest here Clifford? Clifford smiled. There is just something about her. Peter, when I come and watch these games I miss half of it all. Peter smiled. She isn’t married. She has never dated. Her focus in life is on her career and her father. And I am afraid he is knocking on deaths door. How so? Cancer. He is so frail. They have a full time nurse because Doctor Davis can’t be there during the day. And some evenings she is on call. Clifford nodded.

Peter smiled. Clifford. Are you dating? Clifford roared with laughter. Me? Heavens! I don’t even know what that word means. Peter shook his head. Well if you are keen why don’t you. Uhm. Take her out. Clifford smiled and shook his head. She is twenty three. I am forty five. Somehow I don’t think she would even look at me. You might be wrong. I have seen the way she looks at you Clifford. May walked over and put her arm around Peter’s waist. She looked at Clifford. I have seen that too. But she makes sure she always looks away. What does age matter Clifford? Do you feel that you are too old? Clifford nodded and smiled. May smiled. Clifford you are afraid of being rejected. Aren’t you? Clifford nodded. I have been a single Dad forever. I slipped up but I got the better end of the deal. May nodded. And you never heard from her again? Clifford shook his head. I got a call from her to tell me she was pregnant. Then I got a call to tell me to fetch my child. And the last was when I went to the attorney and she gave up all her rights. I didn’t see her but that was the last I heard of her. One bad mistake. I got caught once. May nodded and shook her head. And that was the end of what should have been your dating years. Clifford nodded.

Peter shook his head. And since then you have never had a relationship. Not with anyone? Clifford shook his head. No. May nodded. Well Anne is old enough. Maybe you should think of getting out. Living a little. Clifford shook his head. No. I would rather not. May smiled. We know quite a few young ladies. Clifford shook his head. I would rather not. But thanks May. May nodded and smiled.

They all walked towards their cars. Clifford got in with Anne. She smiled. What an awesome day. Clifford nodded. He was quiet as he drove. Something wrong Dad? Clifford smiled. No. Not at all. It was a good day. Anne smiled and nodded. Clifford drove along. Thinking of the day he had met Anne’s mother. There was nothing about her that he could say he actually liked. It was a one night stand. He didn’t even know her. It was one night in his life that he would like to forget. He hadn’t made love to the woman. It was pure sex. And it had taken all of seven minutes. He didn’t even think it had lasted that long. It was his first time ever. Not hers. Clifford sighed. What is wrong Dad? I know there is something wrong. Clifford smiled and shook his head. Sometimes I get bogged down in the past. Anne nodded. Well think of happy things. Clifford roared with laughter and nodded.

The week dragged by. Clifford thought about Pam the whole time. He just couldn’t get her from his mind. He sat at his desk. Twenty two years was a huge difference. She would want to live her life and his life was almost over. Well, in the sense of what youngsters do. He didn’t think she would even consider going for a cup of coffee. Clifford headed home and he and Anne left for the stadium after having a quick meal. It was practice night. Clifford looked around. Pam wasn’t there. He frowned to himself. Pam never missed a practice.

Peter walked over to the team. Doctor Davis won’t be able to make it today. They all nodded. One of the young boys stood in for her. Clifford sat next to Peter. Where is Doctor Davis? Her Dad passed away this afternoon. So she is going to be off for a while. Clifford nodded. Can you let us all know the details. Where to send flowers. Peter nodded. Sure. Clifford gazed at the goings on. He saw the movement but he didn’t see anything. Everything was a blank and almost in a haze. He was caught up in his thoughts about Pam. How sad she must be feeling. Having to arrange a funeral for her father. Clifford. Peter looked at Clifford. Cliff? Clifford quickly looked up. Cliff if you are that keen. I know the timing is wrong. But do something about it. Otherwise you are going to leave it too long and it will be too late. Clifford smiled. Twenty two years Peter. Peter scoffed. So what. Take her out on a date. It isn’t that you are marrying her or anything. Clifford shook his head. So scared of the what ifs. What if she fancies you? Clifford smiled. Nah. What is there to look at? Peter smiled. Clifford there is nothing wrong with you. You don’t have a huge belly. You don’t even look your age. We all go a little grey at some stage. Clifford smiled and sighed.

CHAPTER 2

The game wrapped up. Clifford’s mind was elsewhere. Anne eventually got in the car and smiled. Thanks Dad. He smiled. Doctor Davis. Her Dad died today. This afternoon. Anne gasped. Really? I thought there might be something wrong. Clifford nodded. I will arrange a wreath of flowers in the morning. Anne nodded. She looked at Clifford. Dad she is going to be all alone. Clifford looked at Anne. Dad maybe we should just go and see how she is. Clifford nodded. I think so. He took the next turn off. Where are we going? Do you even know where Pam lives? Anne smiled as Clifford made his way to Pam’s house. Got Pam’s address from Peter.

They both hopped out of the car at the house. The outside light was on and the lounge light was on. The rest of the house was in darkness. They walked to the front door and Anne gently pushed the front door which was open. They both looked at Pam who sat in the lounge with her head on her lap and rocking herself. She had her head right down on her lap. Anne looked at Clifford. He walked to Pam and lifted her up and put her on his lap. He cradled her head to his chest. It’s okay sweet pea. It’s okay. He stroked her head. It’s going to be okay. Don’t worry. She whispered. Dad. I know. But he is in a good place right now. No more suffering. She nodded. Anne and Clifford watched as she fell asleep in his arms. Anne smiled. Dad let’s take her home with us. Clifford nodded. He got up with Pam in his arms. Take her bag. See if you can find the keys. Anne got up and found the keys on the counter. She took her bag and her cell phone. She put the cell phone and keys in the bag. Dad let me take a walk around. Make sure all the windows are closed. Clifford nodded. He held Pam in his arms. Oh sweet pea. It’s going to be okay. We are going to take you home with us. Okay? There was no movement from Pam. She was fast asleep. The strain was all too much for her.

Anne came through. I closed all the windows. Everything will be fine Dad. Anne took her bag and followed Clifford as he carried her to the car. She looked at Clifford. Dad. I’ll drive. Clifford nodded. Anne opened the back door and Clifford got in holding Pam. Anne drove them home. He climbed out of the car with Pam still in his arms and walked through to the lounge. He sat down. She still hadn’t moved. Dad I will fetch a blanket. Clifford nodded and smiled. Anne came through with a duvet. She covered Pam who still lay in Clifford’s arms. You going to sleep here tonight Dad? Clifford nodded. She smiled. I will see you later. Clifford made himself comfortable. He kept Pam and himself covered. He lay looking at her. He ran his finger over her cheek. It’s going to be okay sweet pea. It’s going to be okay. He closed his eyes and he felt as he drifted off to sleep. He seemed to sink into the couch. He held Pam close as he slept. Pulling her into his body. Clifford woke up at midnight. Anne had already put out the lights and had left the passage light on. He opened his eyes and looked at Pam. They were both stretched out on the couch. He held her head to his chest and rubbed his hand up and down on her head. He heard her sigh. Clifford was so glad they had gone to check on her. She was all alone in the world. All on her own.

It was early in the morning when he heard her mumbling. Only it wasn’t in English. She spoke in German. He smiled as he listened. She was having a conversation with herself. Telling herself not to worry. Everything was going to be fine. Everything had been taken care of. There was no need to worry. He pulled her to his chest and held her. He answered in German. It will be fine. You are not alone. We are here for you. Anne and I are here for you. She seemed to nod in her sleep. Thank you. He smiled as he cradled her to his body. He looked at her. She didn’t feel like a young girl. He didn’t feel like it was Anne lying in his arms. She stirred emotions deep inside Clifford. He lay and looked at her. She opened her eyes and spoke in German. Dad. He smiled and nodded. Dad is in a very good place now sweet pea. Don’t you worry. She nodded and closed her eyes. She almost whispered. Clifford. He smiled and looked at her. He kissed her on the top of the head and smiled. She knew where she was. And she felt at ease and comfortable. Clifford closed his eyes and made sure they were both tucked in. He held her in his arms.

It was early. Clifford opened his eyes. He was lying stretched out. Pam was snuggled into his arm as he lay on his side facing her. They were both covered up with the duvet. He looked at her and he felt his libido coming alive. He stifled his groan. Pam did things to his body. He felt his erection harden. He hadn’t felt the sensation for years and years. He couldn’t even count the years on his hands. Clifford lay and looked at Pam. She would probably feel rather