Kiss Her! A Tutelage With Lip
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Kiss Her! A Tutelage With Lip - Brown Sisters
The Brown Sisters
A Backyard Habitat Book
Published by
BACKYARD HABITAT PUBLISHING
Beaverton, OR
Copyright © 2013 Jenny Brown and Anna Brown
All rights reserved.
Manufactured in the United States of America
ISBN-13: 978-1482660487 (print)
ISBN-10: 1482660482 (print)
For our brother
P. Allen Brown
1967-2012
Contents
Preface: A Note on Author Voice
Introduction: The Need for This Book about Kissing
Chapter One: What One Good Kiss Can Do
The Transformative Power of a Kiss
Sealing the Deal
Lips with Benefits
Our Daily Bread
Chapter Two: Your Kissing Tells
What You Don’t Know We Know
Health and Lifestyle
Hygiene
Self-Respect and Integrity: The Physical Realm
Self-Respect and Integrity: The Spiritual Realm
Oral Sexability
What You’ve Learned about What We Know about You
Chapter Three: From the Annals of God-Awful Kissing
Going in without Permission
The Miser Mouth
The Humping Dog
Agape in Wonder
Closing the Book on a Bad Chapter: Laying Your Archetype to Rest
Chapter Four: Why Do We Dance?
Are You Kissing to Get Somewhere?
The Pitfalls of Being Goal-Oriented
Bad Kissing: It’s All in Your Mind
Fire Your Brain!
Chapter Five: Some Practical Advice
Let Her Take the Lead
Wait a Minute, Baby (Slow Down)
You Have Hands—Use Them
Don’t Forget Her Hair
When You’re in Public
Consider Her Comfort
Make Some Noise
Do Ask, Do Tell
Tips for Recovering from a Bad Kiss (All Is Not Lost!)
Chapter Six: Practice, Practice, Practice!
Your Hand: A Kissing Workout
Being Vulnerable
Seducing Yourself
Practice, Practice, Practice
Chapter Seven: Emerging Victorious: The Way of the Kissing Master
The Humping Dog Who Comes
Out on Top
Communication That Cured the Awkward Kiss
One Drooler, Redeemed by Love
Conclusion
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Preface
A Note on Author Voice
This book is a collaboration between two sisters, Anna and Jenny Brown. However, our use of the word we within the text refers only occasionally to us, the writers; more often we use it to refer to women, or human beings, in general. The use of the word I, on the other hand, refers only to me, Jenny Brown, who dictated this kissing manual to my little sister, Anna Brown, with my feet comfortably elevated, sipping a glass of red wine in my Stevie Nicks shawl. Meanwhile Anna, sweating in a painful humpback position, worked at her keyboard like a donkey at a millstone, eyes gritty and bloodshot. So, just to reiterate, the I in this book refers to me, the visionary diva, Jenny Brown, and not to Anna, the workhorse typing these words. Thank you!
Introduction
The Need for This Book about Kissing
So far, it was a good night. High-octane margaritas and sexy ambience. My spicy wild boar tacos were delicious, and the man across from me looked like he could have hunted them. He wasn’t boyfriend material, but I was pretty sure we would be lovers. At the very least, I was looking forward to a heavy-duty make-out session after he drove me home.
Walking back to his truck from the restaurant, he unlocks the door, turns abruptly, and says, I’m going to give you a kiss now.
Not even pausing for me to catch my breath, he launches himself at me hell-bent for leather and, without so much as a by your leave,
shoves his tongue deep into my mouth. No gazing into my eyes, no thoughtful approach, no contact with my lips whatsoever. Just a long, hard, insistent tongue probing my tonsils.
Where is a gal supposed to go from here?
With one jab of the tongue, his kiss wiped out all of the good feelings, anticipation, and sexual excitement that had been building over the last two hours. The visceral imprint of his disgusting and abrasive first kiss hung like a putrid spectre in the air between us. What a shame.
In the aftermath of this aborted affair, I felt cheated and sad. I realized I hadn’t been with a gifted kisser in years. Why was it so hard to find a man who really knew how to kiss?
Casting my mind back over my kissing curriculum vitae, it seems, with a few notable exceptions, that all my best kisses are far behind me. I pray this isn’t so, but things are looking bleak. I’m in my forties now, newly single, and kissing is just as important to me as ever. Yet each man I date is a progressively worse kisser than the last.
I’m not alone. Almost every straight woman I’ve talked with recently has been suffering from the same ill effects of inept kissing. Like me, they’re not getting their needs for passion, engagement, and physical intimacy met by the kisses in their lives. What the hell is going on around here? This shall not stand!
Remember when you were a teenager and you made out? You looked at the girl, she looked at you, and you threw yourselves at each other like one of you was going to war and you’d never see each other again. Your entire heart and soul went into that kissing, and it was awesome. At that moment, kissing that girl was the meaning of life itself, and your sole reason for existing. As the girl on the receiving end of those kisses, I used to get such serious butterflies in my stomach that I would have to periodically call a halt to the action or I would throw up on myself. It has been nearly ten years since I felt those butterflies.
Perhaps our lackadaisical