Wallbanger

Written by Alice Clayton

Narrated by Heather Smith

*Soon to be a Passionflix original film!*

“An instant classic…highly recommended!” —New York Times and USA TODAY bestselling author Jennifer Probst

USA TODAY bestselling indie author Alice Clayton delights readers with the sexy, laugh-out-loud romance of Caroline and Simon in Wallbanger, the first book in the Cocktail series!

The first night after Caroline moves into her fantastic new San Francisco apartment, she realizes she’s gaining an—um—intimate knowledge of her new neighbor’s nocturnal adventures. Thanks to paper-thin walls and the guy’s athletic prowess, she can hear not just his bed banging against the wall but the ecstatic response of what seems (as loud night after loud night goes by) like an endless parade of women. And since Caroline is currently on a self-imposed “dating hiatus,” and her neighbor is clearly lethally attractive to women, she finds her fantasies keep her awake even longer than the noise. So when the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts Simon Parker, her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. The tension between them is as thick as the walls are thin, and the results just as mixed. Suddenly, Caroline is finding she may have discovered a whole new definition of neighborly…

In a delicious mix of silly and steamy, Alice Clayton dishes out a hot and hilarious tale of exasperation at first sight.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio
• Release date: May 7, 2013
• ISBN: 9781442366541

Alice Clayton

Alice Clayton worked in the cosmetics industry for over a decade before picking up a pen (read: laptop). She enjoys gardening but not weeding, baking but not cleaning up, and finally convinced her long-time boyfriend to marry her. And she finally got her Bernese Mountain Dog.

Reviews for Wallbanger

[Bronwyn Wyatt · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

The book was good but the narrator is breathy and it made it hard to enjoy.

[Jessie Reid · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Oh my gosh this book was terrible. This “woman” sounded like a younger Betty White (though I still felt like I was listening to a lady who was at least in her fifties). I thought it was just the narrator that was making it terrible, but when I realized I was only 58% into the book after what felt like DAYS, and she started saying “penis” and “who-ha” a hundred times a page, I had to DNF this one. If I could give it zero stars, I would.

[Amanda Lazenby · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I wanted to like this but it feels dated. It’s not bad, it just feels clique. Reminiscent of old sitecoms, Sex in the City, etc. Some may enjoy this but I feel like this is for the older crowd.

[kiki víchova · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

The narrator did great job. Definitely funny, but not that great book.

[Sharon-Rose Wilson · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Cute and entertaining. I needed a bit more to happen, but it was purely about the relationship development from dislike to love.

[Elena Miller · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Meh. Too long. The sexual tension banter was cheesy. By the time I got to chapter 14 I just called it quits. I couldn’t finish this.

First I didn’t care for the narration.

Next the whole back and forth internal struggle within both Caroline and Simon as to why he rejected her is a drag.

[Mary Kleiss · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

not my type of story. it was a liittle too cringy for my taste

[Rorisang Malahlela · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Boring. Couldn’t finish the book. It took forever to get to the point and there was nothing interesting about it IMO.

[Little Arcia · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is a delightful read! I enjoyed it thoroughly. Need to binge read this author's works!

[Samantha Bates · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

It was a good listen. The last third of the book was difficult to get through though.

[Mara Young · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

I couldn’t get past chapter 4.
If there is a sex scene between the main character and the neighbor I didn’t get there so I don’t know how it rates.

The dialogue in this book is … cheesy doesn’t even cover it… when the author is talking about the friends I literally though she was describing the Golden Girls…

I’m not normally a negative book reviewer, especially when they’re free, but this was just awful. Maybe physically reading it wouldn’t be as bad… listening I would pass.

[Zasie Jude · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

This turned out to be disappointing. I loved the first half of the book and then it seemed someone totally different took over. The clever banter and cadence was replaced with boring quips and babbling characters with the wrap up to the story being 4 hours long. It was truly frustrating. I say don’t bother.

[Holly Mills · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Narration was terrible, the voice sounds too old and mature for this particular book. I couldn’t seem to get into the book due to the narration of it. Would love to listen from another narrator.

[Caroline Cox · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Totally unexpected! I absolutely loved wallbanger. Go ahead and read it!

[FrankaNeka · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This book was excellent... until, I think, 20th chapter, there should have been the end! But, no! The next part of the book was soooo boring, long, childish, like one person wrote first half and another wrote second. But, all in all... 3 stars!

[williams · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Good plot and enjoyed book. Younger narrator voice would help.

[Kortnee Wise · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book is amazing! The narration was great, and the storyline was even better!

[Laura Parada · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Couldn’t finish this book due to the amount so sexist under stones and homophobic comments. This book had a big potential and I’m sad the writer went this route

[Alexis Love · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

This was the most uneventful romantic comedy I've ever listened to it's taken years off of my life..

[Diane Flakne · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This was such a fun book! I love the humor. First I didn’t think I would like the narrator but by the end I realized she was absolutely perfect.

[Abby · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Just couldn't get into it, the narrator came across as a 60+ woman. Probably the point but being 20s I just can't get into a book about someone so much older then myself

[gigisiriereads · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

2nd review, not really happy with it. Clicked on something and lost it all and had to rewrite from memory. Wasn't going to write anything but wanted to share some of my thoughts.

So I did not heed the advice and started this at night and it was a very bad idea. The book is too funny to read when other's are sleeping. You could wake the dead with the very loud laughter this book elicits.

The protagonist Clive is smart, adorable and a badass protector of his people. He loves to have fun, but is also very responsible when it comes to his woman. No man messes with his woman and gets away unscathed. His isn't the one woman kind, but never forgets the one that's always been there. Clive loves to relax and watch over his neighborhood. No need for a guard dog with Clive around.

What? Clive isn't the protagonist? Then who the hell is? Read the book and please let me know. LOL

It was very refreshing being in Caroline's head. Caroline Reynolds is pass her low self-image days, she knows she hot (she's not vain) and can catch the eye of a guy without trying. She's witty, sassy, and as crass as a lady could be. She has a great life, career, and great friends. Caroline moves into her new apartment and had the unfortunate luck (not too sure about that) of having a very noisy neighbor. Her neighbor Simon partakes in nightly extra-curricular activities that keeps her awake but entertained at the same time. Caroline jokingly coins Simon as Wallbanger. Caroline has lost her O and Wallbanger's, very healthy sex life was interfering with her mission to get it back. Caroline and Simon meet and things got even more interesting, funny, and freaking hot.

Oh, Simon Parker, yummy. A lover not a fighter, cheesy, I know. Even with his many sexcapades, you can't help going crazy over Simon. He wasn't a jerk, or a 'manhore' by any means. He had his reasons for his flourishing sex life and he plays no games. He and Caroline had it out with a thin bedroom wall coming between their thick sexual tension when around each other. They had to come to an agreement on how to deal with their situation. It helped learning about Simon's past to understand how it shaped him into the person he is now.

Funny as hell, with a cast of shameless characters. Very steamy and good story. Loved the texting conversations, and the road trip internal monologue. Very, very funny. Still need to know who is the heroine or hero of the book if it's not Clive.

[laurenkathryn · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Is the cover of this book supposed to spin me out so much? When I first saw it, I thought, "OH HOLY HELL, what on earth is wrong with that man's arms?!"

Just me?

I thought so. :)

Cover aside (although, you're still thinking about it, aren't you?), this book wasn't too bad. I love the first half, hilarious, witty and flirty, but the characters completely changed in the last quarter. Where did all the sarcastic chemistry disappear to?! It was farcical to be honest. I felt like Clayton created and built up these unique characters and then they developed entirely new personas in a matter of a few pages. A let down, to be honest; it seriously affected my overall rating of the book.

[Kelsey Dillon · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Everything about this book was cringey. The main character feels super childish and uncomfortable. There’s a lot of weird stream of conscious narrating which completely takes you out of the story. The steamy scenes are pretty bland and boring even when they’re trying to be graphic. And oh my God the “banter” is so awkward and lame. I really wanted to like this but I feel like I just wasted a day of my life..

[Erin · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

This book is about an emotionally stunted, slut shaming drama queen unwilling to unpack a lot of internalized misogyny and includes writing like 'diving over and under like a sexual porpoise'. there's just no way these narrators make enough money.

[mohsin · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

pretty lame
i just removed its sequel from my reading list.

Had hopes from this but it just turned out be dumb CHICK LIT.

What is with these 'OMG! Super-Hot! Fun!' books that become all the rage here on GR lately? And they are all the same.

A Mary Sue heroine with a perfect job and perfect friends who looks perfect but for some reason is alone and sexually frustrated. And she's all kinds of batshit about her perceptions of men or sex or men AND sex. Thus, the heroine of what exactly?

Then the hero. Well he's of course otherworldly gorgeous and fit, although he puts absolutely no effort into becoming that way, and most of the time he's super rich (of course) and the very definition of Prince Charming, except more rouge and rascal than sweet and heroic. Thus, not really a hero.

Even so, I usually make it farther than I did in this book and not because this book is worse - by no means will anything scar me worse than the virginity scene in In Flight *shivers* - but because I've just had enough. If I hadn't had enough I might have struggled through and given this 3 stars in the end.

But that's another reason I'm doing this this way. 4 stars overall rating for this book? That is hysterically misleading.

And this girls problems with her frakkin O and all of these blatant attempts as farcical humor are just too damn much. Oh, and this cat everyone is mooning over, Clive? He's the most unrealistic of all. He's like cartoon Garfield unrealistic. And trust me, I know some cats with personality but this is just stupid.

[sarielle-2 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

It was so much better than I expected. I thought it will be a chick lit story with some funny moments and a bit silly heroine. Something Bridget Jones – like. I'm glad I was totally wrong. This is actually a great, light story with a likable couple and some excellent dialogs.

[tripsis_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

BookNook — Young Adult book reviewsWallbanger hilarious, but it also borders on ridiculous. There are some parts of this book that are really, really weird; so weird, that I'm not really sure how much I liked them. But overall, Wallbanger was an enjoyable, funny, sexy read! Once the relationship transitioned from hate, to friendship, and then to romance, it was super sweet, they had so much chemistry, and that's really what made the book!Could I spend a little more time trying to come up with a more clever name for Simon's penis? Probably. It deserved it. Mammoth Male Member? No. Pulsating Pillar of Passion? No. Back Door Bandit? Hell no. Wang? Sounded like the noise those doorstopper things made when you flicked 'em...—Wallbanger, page 229 I have to admit, there's actually less sex in this book than I thought there would be. We don't actually see a sex scene until like the 85% mark or thereabouts. I guess, in a way it makes sense, because this book is all about Caroline going on a dating hiatus and losing her orgasm, but for some reason I thought there would be more banging! But believe me.. once they started, they didn't stop. And it was HOT!But for the most part, this book reads more like a contemporary romantic comedy than anything else. And I kind of liked that. It was about work, dating, not dating, friendships, awkwardness, and an adorably hilarious cat. The cat was seriously my favourite character. He was really heavily personified (almost to the point where he did things that I swear no cat would do), but that's what made him awesome. Even though Wallbanger does get frustratingly taunting in some places, I mostly breezed right through this book and enjoyed it.The best part of Wallbanger is how much chemistry Caroline and Simon had. WOW! The chemistry was so thick that I could barely breathe. These two are literally perfect for each other. Their hilarious banter (riddled with sexual innuendos) was one of the best parts to read. That's also what made this book so frustrating; they so obviously had great chemistry but they deny their attraction for SO. FREAKING. LONG.Would he notice if I licked his shoulder? Just the tiniest taste?—Wallbanger, page 199 I LOVED Simon. At first I thought he was going to be an asshole—and at first maybe he is a little bit—but it turns out he's a really, really great guy. He's sweet, he's attentive, he's smoking hot, and he has his little deep insightful moments. Even though he starts out a playboy, he turns into a great "potential boyfriend" figure.The parts I didn't like, all revolved around Caroline talking to her orgasm. Yes. TALKING TO HER ORGASM. At first it was a little funny and I chuckled at a few lines. But after a while—especially in the second half of the book—it just got a little repetitive and even weirder. A little too weird for me, I think. It reminded me too much of Ana's inner goddess prancing around town in Fifty Shades of Grey. But this was even weirder. It was funny during the first part of the book, but then it's like Caroline took things into overdrive and it just got to be a bit much...During month four of The Missing O, I'd started to talk to my O as though she were an actual entity. She felt real enough when she was rocking my world back in the day, but sadly, now that O had abandoned me, I wasn't sure I'd recognize her if I saw her.—Wallbanger, page 4 I think O even popped her head up for a moment, like a groundhog. She took a quick glance around and pronounced it much closer to spring than she's been in months.—Wallbanger, age 168 I peeked over the edge, I saw her. O. She waved at me, diving under and over the water like a sexual porpoise. Crafty little bitch.—Wallbanger, page 282 Ultimately I think this is a book that will be all over the map for people. Some will love it, others will hate it, and a few people will be in between. I really enjoyed it, but I could also see the ridiculousness of it (the whole O thing). So if you're thinking of picking it up, I would definitely recommend reading a few quotes (or an excerpt, if you can!) before digging in! I think the quotes will really help you get a good sense of whether or not you'll enjoy the humour and writing style.

[chicreader_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

So I did not heed the advice and started this at night and it was a very bad idea. The book is too funny to read when other's are sleeping. You could wake the dead with the very loud laughter this book elicits.The protagonist Clive is smart, adorable and a badass protector of his people. He loves to have fun, but is also very responsible when it comes to his woman. No man messes with his woman and gets away unscathed. His isn't the one woman kind, but never forgets the one that's always been there. Clive loves to relax and watch over his neighborhood. No need for a guard dog with Clive around.What? Clive isn't the protagonist? Then who the hell is? Read the book and please let me know. LOLIt was very refreshing being in Caroline's head. Caroline Reynolds is pass her low self-image days, she knows she hot (she's not vain) and can catch the eye of a guy without trying. She's witty, sassy, and as crass as a lady could be. She has a great life, career, and great friends. Caroline moves into her new apartment and had the unfortunate luck (not too sure about that) of having a very noisy neighbor. Her neighbor Simon partakes in nightly extra-curricular activities that keeps her awake but entertained at the same time. Caroline jokingly coins Simon as Wallbanger. Caroline has lost her O and Wallbanger's, very healthy sex life was interfering with her mission to get it back. Caroline and Simon meet and things got even more interesting, funny, and freaking hot.Oh, Simon Parker, yummy. A lover not a fighter, cheesy, I know. Even with his many sexcapades, you can't help going crazy over Simon. He wasn't a jerk, or a 'manhore' by any means. He had his reasons for his flourishing sex life and he plays no games. He and Caroline had it out with a thin bedroom wall coming between their thick sexual tension when around each other. They had to come to an agreement on how to deal with their situation. It helped learning about Simon's past to understand how it shaped him into the person he is now.Funny as hell, with a cast of shameless characters. Very steamy and good story. Loved the texting conversations, and the road trip internal monologue. Very, very funny. Still need to know who is the heroine or hero of the book if it's not Clive.

[AneesahCooper · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Ugh I couldn’t even finish this. The narrator is going for breathy and sexy with her voice but it just come across as shrill and annoying.