When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along

Written by Joshua Coleman, PhD

Narrated by Paul Boehmer

This unique book supports parents who are struggling with the heartache of having a teenager or an adult child who is troubled, angry, or distant. Such rifts can cause unspeakable sorrow that parents too often must bear alone. Psychologist and parent Joshua Coleman, PhD, offers insight, empathy, and perspective to those who have lost the opportunity to be the parent they desperately wanted to be and who are mourning the loss of a harmonious relationship with their child. Through case examples and healing exercises, Dr. Coleman helps parents:

Reduce anger, guilt, and shame

Learn how temperament, the teen years, their own or a partner's mistakes, and divorce can strain the parent-child bond

Come to terms with their own and their child's imperfections

Understand how society's high expectations of parents contribute to the risk of parental wounds

By helping parents recognize what they can do, and let go of what they cannot, Dr. Coleman helps families develop more positive ways of healing themselves and relating to each other.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tantor Media, Inc
• Release date: May 3, 2016
• ISBN: 9781515976196

Reviews for When Parents Hurt

[gottfried_leibniz-1 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

A Decent Book on Parent-Child relationship. Most of the strategy is in Gottman's work. I did not learn anything new from this book. There's cultures too that ought to be considered i.e Indian, African, Chinese, Japanese, American, European. If that is considered, this is not a great work.

If you have no clue or have not read even one work on relationship, I might recommend you this.

Most of your idea on relationship or parenting would probably come from your family of origin.
It would take immense amount of reflection to figure out that first relationship, best to spend time reading perspectives and figuring out your own.

My favorite story was, how a Parent uses their children to make the other Parent look bad.

Anyway, one day, the child grows up and learns the truth. Also, how some Parents chose some other Men/Women over their children.


The Chapter on having realistic beliefs seem to be helpful. Many Parents don't even know Authoritarian vs Authoritative. If you had lied to your children, one day, it will bite you back! I think, things bite back at you some day. In some way, people find out the truth.

I disagree with forgiveness chapter, in religious tradition, God forgives man, and then he is able to mend the relationship constantly. Joshua has not considered that aspect. It seems that Joshua has not considered many aspects.

Parenting relationship is dynamic as in all relationship. Dynamic as in, it is constantly evolving until the die you pass away. Do not think, because you invested x in a relationship, it should automatically give you back or something like it.


What this book does not offer
- how to grow into being better in relationship?

A Quote from another author

My piece of advice on estrangement of children is this: I feel the parent is the one that can’t stop reaching out, can’t stop going above and beyond to do anything to repair this broken relationship. The parent has to steer this relationship to a better path. The parent must let go of his or her ego. Leave it at the door. Apologize. It doesn’t matter what happened. It is your CHILD. Never stop trying. Be humble. Apologize and profess your unconditional love. When you finally meet, hug your child and don’t let go for a really long time. If you are estranged due to parental alienation, I have the same advice. Don’t stop trying. The kids will find out the truth one day.

Marina Sbrochi Spriggs


Maybe this should be required reading for all Parents only if they have no clue. But most people always think they know, until they find out, they really did not know.

I would recommend this to novice in relationship.

Deus Vult,
Gottfried