Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It?

Written by Kim Holderness and Penn Holderness

Narrated by Kim Holderness and Penn Holderness

A USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestseller!

Learn how to fight better and end your arguments with your partner feeling closer, more loved, and better understood.

We take our cars in for oil changes. We mow our lawns and pull weeds. Why don't we do maintenance on our marriages? This relationship is the most important one we will ever have, so why not get better at it?

For the last several years, Penn and Kim Holderness of The Holderness Family have done the hard maintenance and the research to learn how to fight better. With the help of their marriage coach Dr. Christopher Edmonston, they break down their biggest (and in some cases, funniest) fights. How did a question about chicken wings turn into a bra fight (no, not a bar fight or a bra fight)? How did a roll of toilet paper lead to tears, resentment, and a stint in the guest bedroom?

With their trademark sense of humor and complete vulnerability, Penn and Kim share their 10 most common Fight Fails and how to combat them. Throughout the book, they offer scripts for how to start, continue, and successfully close hard conversations. Couples will emerge equipped to engage and understand, not do battle—and maybe laugh a little more along the way.

In Everybody Fights, couples will learn how to:

• Use "magic words" for healthy conflict resolution
• Address unspoken and unrealistic expectations
• Banish the three Ds of unhealthy communication—distraction, denial, and delay
• Carry individual baggage while helping your partner deal with theirs

Penn and Kim want you to know you're not alone. Everybody fights. Marriage is messy. Marriage is work. But marriage is worth it. Fight for it!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson
• Release date: Mar 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9780785235750

Kim Holderness

Kim Holderness was born and raised in Sarasota, Florida, and was a competitive dancer (once crowned Miss Dance Florida).  She went to the University of Florida, then began her career in TV journalism. Penn and Kim met in Orlando while working in local news and were married in 2005. In 2013 they left the TV business and launched a digital content company called Greenroom Communications. Part of that launch was a video called “Xmas Jammies” that went viral, and led to appearances on GMA, the Today Show, Fox News Channel, and CNN. (Apparently Xmas Jammies are bipartisan.)  The Holderness Family currently lives in Raleigh with their dog, Sunny.

Reviews for Everybody Fights

[bohannon_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I love their videos，and when I saw this at the library，I thought: why not? When my wife saw it in my pile to read, she was surprised；and then checked out a digital copy to read herself. Neither author has relevant professional credentials, but they make no bones of this,or the role of their own therapist as a not-so hidden ghost writer / inspiration. All in all, its a fun read, and full of good tips and lessons learned. Well worth the short time it should take to go through.(2023 Review 1)

[Rachelle · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Amazing book, loved how they read it! Changed my approach to my marriage. THANK YOU

[stephen chadwick · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Thank you for writing this book. It was so enjoyable to listen to. Thank you for doing the audio for it too. I really enjoy you guys.

[laurie · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This was amazing. I have been divorced now for 3 years. We were married for 12. A lot of this would have helped our fighting, but would not have saved our marriage. There were multiple infidelity moments on his half. However, what I have learned in this book I will take to my future relationship with Mr. Right. Thank you for being so transparent. It made it real. Normally I feel anger towards books I can't relate to. This book had me crying, laughing, and most importantly reflecting my own behaviors. Thank you a million times.

[Kelly Izell · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

AMAZING! I loved this so much. Their humor and candor makes this the stellar resource it is for marriage.

[Lpachord · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

An amazing testimonial of the trials and tribulations of marriage with real solutions to better communication.

[Deb Albritton · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

So appreciate how real and vulnerable Kim & Penn are in this book. I listened to the audio book ( the first audio book I have ever completed by the way- tells you how captivating it is!) and highly suggest it. Hearing them tell their own story is just refreshing! In a time where marriage seems under valued & often even scorned you make it look not just doable but appealing! So many use social media as an advent to air their personal gripes & complaints about their partners. I appreciate hearing your ongoing journey to present one another in the best light possible while still honestly acknowledging your less desirable qualities. In a few months I will celebrate my 30th wedding anniversary with my best friend and I took to heart many notable points that I know will improve an already pretty good marriage. Thanks so much for the hard work & determination to get this done. I believe many marriages will be improved and some rescued by the information presented!

[bookworm12_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I’ll admit I am definitely the target audience for this book. My husband and I aren’t dealing with major issues of infidelity, infertility, a child with addiction, or a million other possible issues. Instead, we frequently fight about the small stuff that feels big at the time. They are real issues, that can cause major problems, but they are not insurmountable. That’s definitely the target audience here. There are tips that I know will stick with me, like saying specific thank yous to your partner, avoiding the three Ds (delay, denial, and distraction), complimenting your spouse, and treating them with the same courtesy and kindness you’d show a stranger. I loved the couple’s honesty, vulnerability, and humor, especially in the audio version. They tackle communication styles, setting boundaries, and rules for how you fight. I found it incredibly helpful and entertaining.

[krosero-766800 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This starts off like a conventional self-help book, but soon enough the authors' personalities start coming through, and it becomes laugh-out-loud funny. These two obviously can see the humor in life and have a gift for helping others to see it. Not only their humor, but Kim's "fighting" voice in particular, comes out more than in the videos, and it's a pleasure to hear.

[gshuk_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Highly recommend. They shared their real fights with perspectives from both sides and with what their marriage counselor told them.