How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

Written by Steven Stosny, PhD and Patricia Love, Ed.D.

Narrated by Laural Merlington

Have you ever had this conversation with your spouse?

Wife: "Honey, we need to talk about us."
Husband: "Do we have to?"

Drs.
Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied this all-too-familiar
dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking
conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your
relationship doesn't bring you together, and it will eventually drive
you apart.

The reason for this is that underneath most couples'
fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman's
vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man's
subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why
so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging
wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can't happen
through words.

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don't require "trying to
turn a man into a woman." Rich in stories of couples who have turned
their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors
that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples
find love beyond words.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tantor Media, Inc
• Release date: Dec 19, 2011
• ISBN: 9781452675541

Reviews for How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

[Melissa Chavarro · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

It showed me some things about my marriage I needed to see but felt it did have a little bit too gender role advise

[empress8411 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I read this at the instruction of a marriage counselor. It was enlightening, but not mind-blowing. I didn't agree with all of the advice, but the basic idea seemed true. And some of the advice has been useful. I would recommend as a resource to marriages in trouble, but not as a end-all-be-all fix. It will simply give one several good ideas, perhaps some useful tips. Personally, I found other books more helpful for my marriage. But each marriage is unique and this may speak to others in ways it did not speak to me.

[jwcooper3 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Throw away all your relationship self-help books. This one nails it. While the title certainly appeals to men, the work is well balanced on targeting fears and anxieties facing men and women in a relationship and focuses on connection rather than confrontation. I know I'm going to read this one again.

[Nikki G · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

An excellent listen, especially if you notice how drained your husband gets after a long conversation about feelings. The more I tell my husband about how he’s made me feel the more disconnected we’d become. I’ve noticed as well that the conflict that I struggle with the most is in instances where I’m not my best self. This book focuses on all those things and how to build connection instead of having conversations over the same issues

[Dawn Christerson · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This helped me to see the differences in how men and woman interpret things. Definitely gave me some good tips.

[Andrea Ellis · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book identified by blind spots in my marriage.

[libraryhead · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This book is paradoxical and hard to evaluate. So many good insights that ring true in profound ways, but wrapped in flimsy socio-biological reasoning and repugnant generalizations about gender. So often the examples imply that women should be doormats and not expect equal partnerships -- don't interrupt him when he's reading the newspaper or he'll be flooded with cortisol and can't be expected to respond like a person! Don't criticize or he'll shop down from shame! (No answer to what am I supposed to do with these dirty dishes, though.) The most valuable piece was the advice to work hard to see things from your partner's perspective, not just your own. Also the importance of nonverbal communication and staying approachable, not avoiding or attacking. Not stated, but implied: be the change you want to see in your relationship.