Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Today we are talking about how to talk to children about sex.  So many parents become anxious when the subject of sex comes up in relation to their children. It can feel incredibly awkward to try to explain to your child all aspects of the birds and the bees. How do you know what it is appropriate to say when?  If you leave it to the school to teach your child, how can you make sure that your child is learning all the facts that are important to you? Are your children learning from watching pornography?  In online chat rooms? On Snapchat? From other children whose knowledge is questionable? 
The best place for your children to learn about sex is at home. There are a variety of ways to teach your children about sex – from sitting them down and having ‘the talk’ and then being available for further talks to having a trusted blood or chosen family memberhave ‘the talk’ with them through to giving them age appropriate books, comics and videos and then answering questions.   
Children who learn about sex from the internet are at a higher risk of abuse or harassment. They are also under far more pressure to engage in a wide range of sexual activities far earlier. They have no way of filtering what they are seeing. Many of them are confused about the conflicting information they find. 
Peggy Orenstein published a book called Girls and Sex Navigating the Complicated Landscape. She interviewed 17 to 23 year olds about all aspects of sex. She reports that fully half the girls she interviewed experienced along the spectrum of coercion to rape. She highlighted the fact that girls still don’t talk about pleasure in relation to sex but rather talk about the pleasure they give to others. The girls she interviewed watched pornography to figure out how to act as they have so few trusted sources of information. 
Teenage pregnancy in the UK in 1998 was the highest in Europe. It has now dropped to the lowest level it has been at since 1961 when they first started keeping statistics.  And yet it is still the highest teen pregnancy and abortion rates in Western Europe as of 2010. This drop is the result of a clear strategy aimed at making sure that teenagers have the information they need achieve sexual health. Despite all of this great work, it still remains too high. 40,000 young women still become pregnant each year. Education at school is helpful.  Education through family doctors/ general practitioners is helpful.  Sexual health clinics for young people are essential. But none of this takes the place of education and a supportive environment at home. 
Sexually transmitted infections are highest in the under 25 year old group.   Information is patchy with many young people having inadequate knowledge to be able to prevent transmission of infections.
School based sexual education doesn’t always include topics like sexual orientation, gender and consent.  Suicide is the second leading cause of death between young people age 10 to 24. The rate is 4 times higher in LGBT youth and twice as high in youth who are questioning their identities. The figures rise further when these youth are in homes that are rejecting. Metro asked 7000 LGBT 24 year olds across the UK about their experiences. 42% had sought medical help for anxiety or depression. 44% have thought about suicide. 
If your kids can talk about their feelings and discuss their attractions no matter what gender they are attracted to, it is less likely that they will develop depression. If they are taught that all sexual orientations are valid and reassured that they are valued and have a safe place to bring feelings and questions, suicide and self-harm rates decrease.
So as a parent where do you start? I recommend learning about normal sexual development. Once you have a good understanding of what a child feels and thinks at different stages, you will find it easier to figure out how to