Sex Spoken Here Is Polyamory for You
 
Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this Vlog deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.
polyamory and non-monogamy have become incredibly trendy in the last few years.  One of the main reasons people give for non-monogamy is how hard it is for one person to meet all of your needs.  
 
People who are monogamous and have strong friendship networks as well know this as well.  They look to their friendship networks and their families to meet needs that their partners do not meet.  However, the myth that your partner should be your everything still persists.  Many people end up in relationship therapy or ending their relationships because their partner does not meet all their needs. 
 
The idea that I am responsible for my own needs is one that is only just really gaining popularity.  It is hard to take responsibility for your own needs.  It requires the ability to first to distinguish between needs and wants.   Then it requires the ability to acknowledge your needs and accept them.   Finally it requires the person to take responsibility for getting their needs met – with the understanding that prioritising can become very difficult when trying to balance needs.
 
 In non-monogamous relationships, multiple partners, friends and families meet needs.  Having more people who are committed to you available to help meet your needs is a big bonus.  And it adds lots of complication as there are more people whose needs must be met and balanced, juggled and prioritised.
 
How do you know if polyamory is for you?
 
Do you love emotionally intimate relationships?  Do you find yourself falling in love with more than one person at a time? 
If so, then polyamory might well be a good fit for you. 
 
Have you had difficulty remaining faithful in monogamous relationships?
This can be an indication that non-monogamy would be a better choice for you.  However, this depends on why you had difficulty remaining faithful.   Affairs are possible in polyamorous relationships.  Whenever someone is dishonest and secretive about other relationships it is a problem.  If you break the rules of your non-monogamous relationship, that is an affair.  If your difficulty in remaining faithful is because you fall in love often or feel you have more love to share, then non-monogamy may well work.  If it is because you find it hard to commit or you tend to be impulsive or you find honest communication difficult, then it is not going to work any better than non-monogamy and in fact may even be worse for you.
 
Do you like to share your life with more than one person? 
If so, non-monogamy may well be ideal.
 
Are you an expert communicator (or willing to learn), happy to negotiate to get your needs met?
Good communication is essential to all relationships.  Great communication is vital to polyamorous relationships.  All non-monogamy takes far more communication than monogamous relationships.  This probably seems obvious  - more people = more communication.    Metacommunication is necessary as well.  As I have said previously, metacommunication is when we talk about how we communicate and what we communicate, how often we communicate.  It creates the structure around the rest of our communication, the rules for communication. 
 
Are you possessive?
If so, polyamory may be problematic for you.  Possessiveness makes polyamory very hard.  Some people still manage to be polyamorous and possessive.  These people tend to form closed group relationships or engage in authority transfer based relationships where they are the owners and the others they are in relationship with are the property.  If you don’t gravitate towards that type of relationship dynamic and you cannot find a closed group, then possessiveness with simply get in your way.
 
Are you good at...