Rejecting diets in a body that doesn’t feel acceptable is exponentially hard. How do you access the world, find clothes that fit AND reject diets? We hope this episode featuring Nic McDermid gives you the compassion you deserve and the fuel you crave. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode of The Love Food Podcast is brought to you by my PCOS + Food Peace Course:   Get 30% off using the coupon code ‘LOVE2021’ starting Valentine’s Day through the end of February. Grab details at PCOSandFoodPeace.com.  Thank you for you supporting the Love Food Podcast! Dear Food, Dear food,  You have been a big part of my life for more than 50 years, comforting me in pain , sharing life successes with me .  I grew to love and hate you as a child and adolescent, and my struggles with restricting you have continued throughout my life. I have tried to control  you to have a smaller body and yet it has never been maintainable as I have always eaten more of you to end up at a higher weight  and larger clothing  size. The last 2-3 years the up and down body size roller coaster we have been on has slowed down and this body that I have now has been more or less the same size , but I am not happy with it and still long to walk into a clothing store and find a variety of clothes that fit me.    Instead I hate shopping and always end up eating more of you or  comfort versions of you to stop the pain and shame I feel not being able to find clothes that fit.  It doesn’t help to live in Spain as I find larger sized clothing is even harder to find. I have gained and lost the same number of  lbs over and over but always come back to this weight, and body size, and I still deal with choices of you daily . I must eat too much of you which I think contributes to my maintaining this larger  body and yet the portions of you and the exercise I do should add up to having a smaller body.   This year I found the intuitive eating book and am working through the workbook. I am also finding more and more health at any size websites and support groups. I am learning to stop eating when I am full and I am not binging anymore for years now, and I exercise regularly . For my 61 years I am in pretty good shape but I just struggle with finding clothes I feel comfortable in and wish for a smaller sized body , and not the hard to find size that I wear now.      I also feel that the aches and pains I have daily with this body would be less with a smaller body and I would have more energy, and my doctors have told me repeatedly to drop weight  every time I go to an appointment . I am having knee replacement surgery soon and this body size concerns me.    Anyway Food, I seem to be stuck here and not sure how to work with you so I can lower my body size, I don’t have visions anymore of being a super model or an unrealistic size. I just want to be able to buy clothes easier and feel better in what I wear, and have a healthier body image.   I am  not obsessed with your details and watching your calories anymore or tracking you as I have been for  years but instead trying to eat just enough of you, enjoying your taste and not restricting myself . I know I need you to give me nutrients and keep me alive, so this relationship is lifelong, I would just like to find a balance with you and this larger body I have.  love  Still Dreaming to be Smaller Show Notes: Julie Dillon RD blog The PCOS + Food Peace Free Roadmap The PCOS + Food Peace Course Link to get latest Food Peace Syllabus. 6 Keys To Food Peace Nic MicDermid on Instagram Submit your Dear Food letter here or https://forms.gle/pepKRGPC8JbHLHHn8 Julie on Instagram: Instagram.com/FoodPeaceDietitian Find Eating Disorder Dietitians near you. Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!