The road to Food Peace is not all rainbows and butterflies. Most will experience rejection, body hate, and complicated ways of eating. If you come from that place and journeying toward intuitive eating, you may crave more control in the process. I made this week's Love Food Podcast episode just for you. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear Food, Our relationship has been complicated since before I can remember. I’ve been overweight my entire life and you have always been the one i put the blame on. I was very young when i was told you were bad for me. I knew to stay away from carbs and sweets before i went to grade school. My mother lived for diet culture. Every month it was a new diet and I was always forced to participate. The diets never worked. I couldn’t stay away from you. Although i knew i was overweight i never wanted to admit it. I was ashamed of the word fat. After my dad passed away our bond grew closer. We were now best friends. You were there for the tears and you were there for the laughs. I used you as my crutch to get me out of a dark place. After a year i realized that we needed a break. My clothes were tighter, i went up pant sizes, and the pictures from spring fling made me want to vomit. I didnt want to be the fat girl any more. At 16 years old i just wanted to fit in. So I lost Xlbs, i joined the dance team, and the cheer squad. I was still overweight but i felt good about myself and all of the new friends i made. I managed to keep the Xlbs off for 2 years until I graduated. That’s when i started working and could start to feed myself. I ate fast food every night after work. I loved it. I had never been able to experience this. As a child i rarely got fast food because our family was always on a diet. I couldn’t control myself. Sometimes I’d get fast food multiple times a day. Before i knew it the Xlbs were back.  I managed to not gain anymore weight for about 4 years. Then i married my husband and my relationship with food went sour. I gained Xlbs over the first year i was married. I remember hearing the doctor say my weight and i almost fell to the floor. How could this happen? Ive been overeating for years and i never gained anything. I knew a change needed to happen. But how? I started dieting. I would spend hours planning meals and snacks for the week but that grew tiresome fast. I figured I’d try keto everyone raves about how easy it is. It didnt matter what diet i did i always managed to overeat to the point of being sick. I heard about intuitive eating from a friend at the gym and she suggested i Look into it. Once again i find myself binging on unhealthy snacks. I’ve been desperately trying to rebuild a healthy relationship with food but some how i always find myself in the fridge eating until my stomach cant handle anymore. I’m lost and confused.  I am frustrated and desperate to get control of my life again.  Sincerely, Desperate For Help Show Notes: Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Fiona Willer's Weight Science podcast Anti-Diet book (aff) Intuitive Eating book (aff) and website Find an Eating Disorder Dietitians near you. Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!