Christian Women and Emotional Abuse: A Guide to Freedom

By Laraine Birnie

Are you experiencing stress or anxiety in your personal relationships? Do intimate family members such as a spouse treat you with disrespect or bullying? If you are an emotionally abused woman this self-help book is designed to help you make an informed decision about whether to stay or leave an abusive relationship. You will be guided through various steps designed to educate you about your own personality, as well as that of your abuser. It is important that you grieve the loss of hope that you can change your abusers’ way of thinking. You will be encouraged to challenge your mistaken beliefs, and learn strategies for tackling your anxiety. Once you have a clear picture of your abuser’s personality disorder you will learn how to handle interactions with him or her. Learning assertiveness will enable you to take control of your life and prepare for the ongoing challenges in your abusive relationship. The risks involved in staying or leaving are also reviewed and strategies to protect yourself regardless of your decision are discussed. If your abuser is a parent where there may not be an option of leaving, specific strategies can also be applied. Finally, a checklist to assist you in making healthy future relationship choices is reviewed. If you follow the strategies and readings suggested in this book you will discover a new sense of freedom to engage assertively with the abusive people in your life, teach them to respect you and experience true peace.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Apr 19, 2024
• ISBN: 9781663259226

Laraine Birnie

Dr. Laraine Birnie is a Ph.D. clinical psychologist who has worked in inpatient, outpatient and family court clinic settings in Canada and Jamaica. She was chief psychologist at a psychiatric rehabilitation center and appeared as an expert witness in family court regarding child custody cases. She spent 3 years as assistant professor of psychology at Mount Saint Vincent University in Nova Scotia. She has worked in private practice for almost three decades with women suffering from emotional and psychological abuse. This book is a culmination of the strategies she developed working with those women. Dr. Birnie is the mother of two cherished daughters (Sarah and Carolyn) both psychologists, and five grandchildren (Owen and Miles in Halifax and Mira, Nathan and Noelle in Ottawa). Her previous book, Counselling the Abused Christian Woman (2023) was designed to help counsellors, whereas this book was written for abused women themselves. Her website is drlarainebirnie.com

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Copyright © 2024 Laraine Birnie.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

All Bible quotes are taken from the New International Version (NIV).

Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan.

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ISBN: 978-1-6632-5921-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6632-5922-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023924178

iUniverse rev. date: 04/10/2024

DEDICATION

For emotionally abused Christian women

everywhere who want to take control of their

abusive relationships and embrace freedom.

And to my husband, Dr. William Birnie who worked

tirelessly with me providing invaluable psychiatric

help to many of the abused women in my practice.

INTRODUCTION

Why I Wrote This Book:

After publishing a book for lay counsellors (Counselling the Abused Christian Woman a Step by Step Guide, 2023) I wanted to adapt that book into a self-help book for abused women like you who may not be able to access professional counselling. Perhaps you do not have the money to afford counselling, you may live in a rural area where it is not available, or you may be fearful that your abuser might discover that you have contacted someone for help. As a Ph.D. clinical psychologist my experience working with abused women has spanned over 3 decades. During that time, I have seen hundreds of Christian women grieve their abusive past and move forward with new strategies to hold their abuser accountable, whether a partner, family member or employer. Some have left their partners while others have chosen to stay in their marriage. In the majority of cases, women who were previously suffering stress in their relationships have been able to end the emotional abuse and take control of their lives.

Emotional abuse often goes unnoticed by people outside the family. The emotional abuser is generally careful not to cross the line into physical abuse in order to avoid more serious consequences. But the ongoing legacy for women like you is devastating as you try to make sense of the abuse, question why it is happening and identify what you can do to stop it.

By following this guide, which has evolved from my clinical practice, you can take control and heal from the emotional abuse you have experienced at the hands of a partner, parent, adult child or employer. My sincere hope and prayer is that God will help you use the information and strategies in this book to help you deal effectively with your abuser and reclaim the peace and freedom which can be yours.

How to Use This Book

While you may be tempted to flip through and read a chapter that seems especially relevant to your situation at the moment, I recommend that you read and follow the strategies set forth in the order they are presented. Try to complete the tasks suggested in each chapter before proceeding to the next chapter. Given the sensitive nature of the material it is recommended that you use this guide privately and explore websites on a computer that cannot be accessed by your abuser in order to protect your safety. The information in this guide is for your own education and not intended to be shared with your abuser in any way. Some specific websites may need to be researched secretly at a public library or a friend’s house if your abuser shares the computer and can see what sites you have visited.

OVERVIEW

Each of the chapters represents a step that you as a survivor of abuse can follow on the road to healing.

Chapter 1 Have a medical assessment by your family doctor

Chapter 2 Determine whether you are a highly sensitive person (HSP)

Chapter 3 Determine if you are suffering from emotional abuse

Chapter 4 Determine if your abuser has a personality disorder

Chapter 5 Determine if there are other abusive people in your life

Chapter 6 Challenge your mistaken beliefs

Chapter 7 Practice making choices and learning relaxation techniques and mindfulness

Chapter 8 Learn assertiveness in workplace and personal relationships

Chapter 9 Make a decision to stay or leave an abusive marital situation

Chapter 10 Be aware of the challenges of divorcing a narcissist

Chapter 11 Make healthy choices in future relationships

Chapter 12 The Power of Prayer

CHAPTER 1

Have a medical assessment

by your family doctor

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I T IS IMPORTANT TO MAKE sure that if you are suffering from depression or anxiety that your family doctor treats that before you begin to implement the strategies in this guide. You can go to www.fspcares.org and fill out the Burns Anxiety Checklist and the Burns Depression Checklist to discover if you are suffering from anxiety or depression. Depending on your score you can then review those results with your family doctor and discuss whether you might benefit from anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medication. The commonly used medications known as SSRI’s bump up the level of serotonin in the brain associated with depression and anxiety. If you were diabetic you would need to take insulin because your own body was not making enough insulin. Taking an SSRI is comparable to diabetics taking insulin. Frequent monitoring by