Stop

By Dr. Hans Watson

More than 25 million Americans deal with depression in their everyday lives, and a large percentage of those cases of depression are caused by unhealthy relationships with narcissistic people they interact with regularly. Recognizing this unhealthy dynamic, the tactics the narcissistic people use, and learning to create appropriate boundaries usually require help from trained professionals.

 

In STOP, Dr. Watson uses his expertise and natural teaching ability to make this complex and difficult topic understandable, using plenty of specific examples to illustrate his points. 

 

After understanding the information in this book, you will be able to apply two simple rules and stop others from dragging you into a depression. 

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jelly Bean Press
• Release date: Apr 1, 2024
• ISBN: 9781630341213

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

NARCISSISM

In this book, we will give you the power to stop narcissistic people from pulling you down into a depressed state. In the next book, we will teach you how to lift yourself out of a depression. 

This will require some effort and practice, and in the process, you will experience pain and discomfort from both the healthy people who help you grow stronger and from unhealthy people who will drag you down. Learning to distinguish between the healthy pain and unhealthy pain will be very influential in conquering depression and loneliness.

I will teach you how to limit pain in your life to only the pain that will strengthen you. I will do this by helping you to recognize a pattern called the Betrayal Pattern. In my experience, this betrayal pattern causes more pain than almost any other factor I’ve observed. The betrayal pattern is often labeled as narcissism by the general public. It’s sufficient to explain that narcissism has roots in a lack of self-esteem and this comes across as the individuals being self-absorbed and only caring about control. A

My approach focuses on giving you the tools to end the cause of depression and not on academic definitions we described above. Thus, I will use the term narcissism as it is understood by the general population and many mental health providers. I openly acknowledge that my use of the term might be technically incorrect. But I do this without any hesitation because your healing from depression is more important than any academic technicality. ²⁹ Additionally, I will interchange the term narcissism with the title innocent abuser. 

OUR APPROACH TO DEFEATING DEPRESSION

Over my career, I’ve treated thousands of people suffering from loneliness, depression, and low self-esteem. I have identified that these individuals’ struggles are generally a result of psychological influences. This book gives an overview of the first psychological influence that often drags people down while creating depression, loneliness, and low self-esteem. My goal in writing this is to empower you to recognize whether the pattern exists in your life. While overcoming the pattern is only the first half of conquering depression, loneliness, and building self-esteem, stopping the narcissists that drag you down with unhealthy pain while embracing those that make you stronger with healthy pain is a necessary first step.

This resource is only intended to introduce you to the pattern. When you recognize individuals or organizations that use this harmful pattern, you will likely need the support of the full online seminar and a qualified therapist to find healthy ways to eliminate the pattern’s negative influence in your life. This will provide the overview necessary for you to evaluate whether the pattern is present and causing depression, loneliness, or low self-esteem in your life. If you find that this pattern is present and need to eliminate it, I recommend you find a qualified therapist and utilize the full online seminar to identify ways of stopping the pattern without burning every bridge and isolating everyone in your life. You can find the online seminar and likely also find a therapist at UniversityElite.com.

The second part of conquering depression and anxiety is contained in the next book of this series and also has a separate online seminar that can be found at UniversityElite.com.

WARNING:

The content in this book, including, but not limited to, the text, graphics, images, and other materials are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical or treatment advice. Use of this information is solely at your own risk. Always consult your personal physician or mental health provider before engaging in any treatment or making any other health-related decisions. Never disregard professional medical or mental health advice or delay seeking care because of something you have read or watched. 

INTENDED AUDIENCE:

Please note: This guide is meant for regular people, not as a textbook for doctors or mental health providers. (Doctors and mental health providers can attend the University Elite professional training and education seminars for Brain Reactivation Therapy (BRT) that are held around the nation. More information is available at UniversityElite.com). As such, I will often simplify complex concepts while preserving scientific accuracy. 

SERIES:

In this book, we will give you the power to stop people who are typically described as narcissistic from pulling you down into a depressed state and in the next book we will teach you how to lift yourself out of a depression. 

This book is part of a series that gives real-life help with items that have dramatic effects on mental health and wellbeing. Other books and resources can be found at UniversityElite.com.

MY APPROACH IS BASED ON WHAT WORKS

Good treatment decisions generally come from providers who worry about what works vs. what doesn’t work while maintaining ethical boundaries. While this may seem obvious to you, it isn’t as obvious to many mental health providers. 

While I never endorse or have found a need to cause unnecessary pain or commit boundary violations, I also don’t fall into the trap of only recommending treatment that is fair or right because helping victims overcome their struggles often requires me to cause them pain by asking them to process realities that are not fair or right. Therapies that protect patients from necessary pain will usually fail because the view of what is right vs. wrong or fair vs. unfair changes based on a person’s life situation, cultural norms, family traditions, or opinions. Much like a painful surgery is necessary to heal from many physical illnesses, working through emotional pain is necessary to heal from many mental health struggles. The problem comes because many cultural norms, family traditions, opinions or beliefs are unconsciously designed to prevent emotional pain and don’t consider the long-term damage it will create. ² It is my job to teach patients the steps that will work and then respect their decision to use those options or not. 

Since my responsibility is to show what will and won’t work, I cannot recommend treatments and approaches based on fairness or rightness because the fair or right thing might not help you heal. While some criticize me for this approach, I am not concerned with their critiques since my treatment, while often having an increase of short-term pain, causes healing when the treatments that avoid pain in the name of fairness fail. And since your healing is all I really care about, I will use methods that are the most gentle possible while avoiding the trap of avoiding short-term pain at all costs. 

So, if you want to finally overcome depression, it starts with ignoring these critics, and considering an approach that is based on what has proven successful for healing, instead of someone’s opinion of what is right or fair. 

HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

While you read this, you should relax and experience the journey. Don’t worry about your own therapy or healing, yet. Instead, allow yourself to share in the struggles and ultimate success that will be presented in the two examples provided. By taking the pressure off yourself, you should have one of your first positive experiences on the road to healing from the pattern that creates loneliness, depression, and low self-esteem. In the last chapter, we will talk about treatment options. But until that chapter, just sit back and enjoy learning how to overcome this unconscious pattern. 

This book was written to help those struggling, even if they already received treatment. It uses real-life experiences from multiple patients who we will code name Mr. & Mrs. T and Mr. U. In their stories, various details have been changed to protect their privacy.

As you immerse yourself in the stories, you may feel many emotions. You might feel the desire to run away when you relate or you might experience joy when there is a small victory.  This is normal and as long as you stick with it and keep going, experiencing the emotions will be healthy and promote growth.

By the end of this resource, the foundation will be established and you will likely start seeing the betrayal pattern at work in your life. But don’t expect to be an expert in overcoming that pattern in your own individual situation just yet. With practice, you will see improvement, but if you want to turbo-charge your healing and recovery, we suggest taking this online seminar.  Because each life is so different, overcoming it generally requires a customized approach. I have found that the only way the approach can be customized and competent enough to truly succeed is with the combination of the in-depth BRT-based seminar and the concurrent guidance of a BRT-trained mental health professional. More information about this can be found at UniversityElite.com. 

But, this book will provide enough information for you to recognize whether this common pattern is contributing to your struggles.

CHAPTER NOTES:

A: Narcissism is a problem where an individual has such a poor self-esteem that deep down they hate themselves and they fit into the category of being emotionally fragile. Unfortunately, they try avoiding their self-disgust by creating an imaginary world and ignorantly behave in a manner that demands that those around them join in the pretending. This includes demanding that people treat them as if they are more important than others, more successful than results indicate, like they contain unique and special skills that nobody else could ever obtain, and that they are admired or the envy of everyone around them. In order to prop up this façade that they have unconsciously created, they will seek success at all costs. This includes allowing themselves to unconsciously exploit others and routinely ignore others’ feelings. 

The other part that is important to remember is that narcissists are not aware of the drivers of their behaviors or of how delusional their grandiose imaginations have become. It all remains hidden in the unconscious to protect their fragile emotional state.

ONE

WHAT CAUSES DEPRESSION?

Most doctors today realize that depression, much like PTSD, has known causes that can be identified and attacked, but there are some who still believe the false narrative that depression is a condition that the unlucky catch. ¹-³ We also know that depression is NOT caused by serotonin being too low and that depression is NOT usually caused by a chemical imbalance. ⁹-¹³ Instead, depression is caused by brain neurons, (also known casually as nerves), that are too sick and tired to do their full job. The medical community generally refers to sick or tired neurons who can’t do their full job as hypofunctioning. So, what causes neurons to become sick, tired, or hypofunctioning?

There are many medical conditions that can cause hypofunctioning neurons. ¹⁴ These include thyroid disease, liver or kidney problems, chemotherapy for cancer, uncontrolled glucose in diabetes, viral infections, various sexually transmitted diseases, lyme disease, and more. Most medical causes are easily identified via labs that can be ordered by a physician. But, in my experience, psychological influences, not medical problems, are the most common source of neuron hypofunctioning and depression. A

Many people are surprised to learn that our emotions and thoughts massively influence the body’s physical health. ⁴-⁸ The following example generally helps them to understand. 

The human brain controls all hormone release throughout the body and releases massive amounts of hormones with both positive and negative emotions. ⁴,⁶,⁸,¹⁵ Stress hormones give our neurons resilience to endure the current adversity without causing damage. The neurons are designed to handle frequent short bursts of stress hormone release, but they require breaks to rest and recover. If a person isn’t getting a break from a source of psychological adversity, the neurons won’t get the required rest and this causes neurons to become tired and sick. ²,¹⁶-¹⁹ And sick neurons often cause depression and loneliness.

Given that psychological sources are the most common cause of depression, you’re ready to learn about the two most common psychological sources of depression: loneliness and low self-esteem. Here we will address the first of these psychological sources, The Betrayal Pattern!

WHO DOES THIS PATTERN?

If you suffer from anxiety, depression, loneliness, or a low self-esteem, you know that there are certain places or people that make your symptoms worse. This might lead you to worry that there is something wrong with you when you struggle with large groups or public places. But you might not be the problem. The problem might be that your unconscious has been responding to people or places who use the betrayal pattern, but since you didn’t consciously recognize the betrayal pattern, you couldn’t do anything about it. But that is all about to change.

The betrayal pattern is a sneaky pattern that can creep into anyone’s life without them knowing. When it creeps in, it causes depression, loneliness, and low self-esteem for the person and often spreads to others in their life. It exists in professional relationships, social settings, family traditions, romantic relationships, and is devastating to anyone who interacts with the offender. The worst part of this pattern is that usually neither the offender nor