Living With Dignity: How to Treat People As You Would Like Them to Treat You

By Anthony Ekanem

Dignity is the intrinsic value and worth of a human being. Everyone is born with it, regardless of gender, social status, education, race, religion, creed, and other factors that may distinguish one person from another. The sad news, however, is that we are all vulnerable to having our dignity violated by other people.

Dignity

• Language: English
• Publisher: Anthony Ekanem
• Release date: Jan 8, 2024
• ISBN: 9798869111586

Book preview

Dedication

To my late mother, Mrs Mama Udo Ekanem, who lived a life of dignity throughout her lifetime, and passed on the virtue to her children.

Acknowledgement

I acknowledge the authors and writers whose works I used in preparing this text, most of whom I acknowledged in the References page at the end of this book.

My special thanks go to my family for their patience and understanding during the time of writing this book.

Preface

Dignity is the intrinsic value and worth of a human being. Everyone is born with it, regardless of gender, social status, education, race, religion, creed, and other factors that may distinguish one person from another. The sad news, however, is that we are all vulnerable to having our dignity violated by other people.

Dignity violation comes in many forms.  When a man is tortured by other people or by security agents, his dignity is violated. When a woman is raped or forced into other forms of sexual relationship, her dignity is violated.  When an individual is socially excluded for any reason, their dignity is violated. 

When an individual is put down, ridiculed, humiliated, or embarrassed in front of other people, their dignity is violated. Other examples of dignity violation include labour exploitation, child labour, child abuse in any form, and slavery. Poverty, whether absolute or relative, is also a form of human dignity violation. In short, when someone is treated poorly in any form or any way, it is a violation of their dignity.

Many people consider dignity to mean the same thing as respect. This conception is wrong. Dignity is the intrinsic value and worth of the human being. It is the quality of being worthy of honour. You don't need to do anything to have it. All human beings are born free and equal in both dignity and rights. Dignity is an inalienable gift by God to man. Therefore, all humans deserve to be treated in a dignified manner, regardless of who they are or what they are.

Respect, on the other hand, is something that you earn, and it can be taken away. If I say I respect you, it means that you must have done something remarkable to earn my respect. I feel admiration for you. It means you are a role model for how I want to live. To respect someone means to show admiration for that person for their abilities, qualities or accomplishments. Others respect you for what you have achieved, experienced and how you handle yourself. So, respect is conditional, unlike dignity which is a given.

Many people, regardless of their race, education and social status, do not understand what dignity is, or what it means to treat people with dignity. So we have a collective ignorance about all matters relating to dignity. And because of the ignorance, even good people with good intentions can violate others without knowing it.

Living With Dignity is an attempt to address this ignorance. And as the subtitle of the book suggests, dignity is all about how to treat people, the same way you would like them to treat you. The core elements of dignity discussed in the book include:

Accepting people as they are – people want others to treat them well no matter their race, religion, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation.

Acknowledging people – for their hard work and a job well done.

Safety of people – make people feel safe both physically and psychologically, so they feel free from humiliation.

Validation of people – for the suffering they have endured if maltreated.

Fairness and Justice – treat people in an even-handed way.

Inclusion of People – make people feel a sense of belonging, no matter their social status and where they are.

Understanding other People – do not be in a hurry to judge or condemn people; give them a chance to share their perspective.

Empowerment of people – empower people so they can be independent and avoid micro-managing people.

The benefit of the doubt – give people the benefit of the doubt. Treat them as trustworthy (at least in the first instance).

Taking Responsibility for your actions – be accountable for all of your actions.  Apologise when you have caused someone else harm.

Not many people know how to treat others with dignity, even though we are all born with it. You should learn to treat others with dignity and practise it every day.

Dignity education and enlightenment are necessary to avoid calamities in relationships, the workplace, and the society at large. Healthy relationships at all levels are those that are mutually honouring of other's dignity. When people have their dignity violated, it creates conflicts and relationships can suffer.

As mentioned earlier, you need to understand that wounds to human dignity are as real as a physical wound. Research has shown that when others violate our dignity, it shows up in the brain in the same area as a physical wound. Dignity violations are real and very painful and humiliating. We need to protect our vulnerable dignity the same way we protect our physical wellness.

To protect our dignity and the dignity of others requires us to make ourselves vulnerable. For instance, if we make a mistake or violate someone's dignity, our immediate reaction is to save our face and cover up our bad behaviour. Even though we feel we are protecting our image by doing so, the fact is that we are not telling the truth. We are also violating our dignity in the process, not to mention breaking the dignity of other people.

Those who suffer from dignity violation always withdraw from the relationship or they fight with the person who violated them. Another consequence is gossip. When someone's dignity is violated, and they don't feel safe to confront the person who violated them, they resort to gossip. Talking negatively about someone is a quick way of punishing them without having to face him.

Dignity awareness is the result of educating oneself about dignity and the vital role it plays in our lives and relationships. The ignorance of most people about dignity is not surprising because our educational system does not address this critical aspect of our social development.

Hopefully, this book will help you become more aware of how to honour dignity in others and develop the skills necessary to Live with Dignity.

Enjoy your reading.

Introduction

Dignity is an essential element in human existence. It is our inherent value and worth as humans, and we are all born with it. We have little trouble seeing dignity at work when a child is born. There is no question about whether the new-born baby is something of value. We regard children as invaluable, priceless and irreplaceable. That is dignity at work.

How do we treat a valuable, priceless and irreplaceable thing? We give it our most exceptional attention and care. Even though we are all worthy of this attention and care, we are also vulnerable to violations of our dignity. Treating others with dignity, then, becomes the starting point of our relationship. You are not required to do anything for others to treat you with dignity.

Treating people with dignity means treating them the way you would like them to treat you. You have the right to lead a dignified life, so do other people. So, regardless of who you are or what you are, you need to treat others with dignity. You treat someone with dignity when you lend a helping hand, stand up for a friend, or recognise the qualities and talents that make every individual unique.

It is when you treat people with dignity that you can achieve most of your heart desires. Such desires may include being good in academics if you are a student, making friends, living a happy life, and even making a difference in your immediate environment or the larger society.

To have dignity means to be valued and to treat others with value. For example, if someone takes a picture of you that reflects your true self, that shows respect for you and strengthens your dignity. On the other hand, if a photo of you in a situation you don't want to be seen in is shown to others, that shows disrespect for you, and you might feel someone has hurt your dignity.

When people experience violation of their dignity, they feel a desire for revenge against those who violated them.

More often than not, many leaders, managers, and others find it difficult and challenging to honour the dignity of the people that work with them.  Although honouring dignity is not a simple task, it is something that can be learned.  Lack of dignity consciousness means that people have not learned how to treat others in a way that demonstrates value and appreciation. What is missing here is dignity education and dignity consciousness. For instance, it is easy to discriminate against someone different from you. Many people have an inborn bias towards people who are most like them. You have to work hard to overcome that bias and treat everyone in a fair and evenhanded manner.

When you engage in dignity violating behaviours that are at the core of most conflicts, you are driven by self-preservation instincts that bring out the worst in you.  You can do much better than that. You need to raise the conversation with an understanding of dignity, which is what we all yearn for, and it is our highest common denominator. The way to this higher ground is to have dignity consciousness. And you can achieve this by educating yourself – taking the time to learn about it and to practise honouring your dignity and the dignity of others. And that is what this book is meant to achieve.

Looking bad in the eyes of other people is something we all try to avoid like a plague. Instead of looking bad in the eyes of others, our instincts want us to cover up, lie, and even blame and shame others rather than turning over a new leaf. Dignity consciousness enables us to override these base instincts and take responsibility for our actions, and in so doing, maintaining our dignity.

If you are a leader, for example, and you want to create a culture of dignity in your organisation, it is essential to develop policies that honour dignity. You need to consider the consequences of all your actions and decisions.  Ask yourself: Are the policies you are putting in place fair? Do you give people the benefit of the doubt? Are you giving people the needed independence and freedom to work without being micromanaged? You need to be conscious of all the elements of dignity and assess how the policies are either honouring them or not.

Leaders and managers all over the world commit a great deal of time, effort and resources to their professional development. These include advanced degrees and work experiences that have gotten them to where they are. If they dedicated a fraction of the time to educate themselves about dignity, they would improve their capacity to become not just good leaders but great leaders. Once they have learned how to honour dignity, to practise it daily becomes easy.

Chapter 1

Accept Other People As They Are

It is normal to wish that other people were different, just as it is reasonable to wish that you were different. It is fine to try to influence others in skilful and ethical ways. However, problems arise when you tip into righteousness, resistance, anger, fault-finding, pestering, or any other kind of struggle.

To accept