Civility: Belonging with Dignity

By Don Mendenhall

In today’s highly polarized climate of political interaction and social discourse that is growing in intensity, so much negativity is being communicated from all sides that the idea of civility has crept more and more into the collective consciousness. “Can’t we just all get along?” is a common lament that pervades interp

• Language: English
• Publisher: Palmetto Publishing Group
• Release date: Dec 17, 2019
• ISBN: 9781641115131

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Introduction

T

his work quietly began in a photographic salon. We mainly talked about how to see, compose, and present our images. After a few months (perhaps years) we changed our topic. We decided to think about how each of us could give something back to the broader community. I chose to communicate how civil and uncivil behaviors affect human dignity and well-being. In this quest, I asked two central questions of twenty interviewees. How have they been treated at different times in their lives and, how have they responded?

As I became more involved with this work, I should not have been surprised about how the stories raised and confronted ways how I have responded to civility issues. It brought to the forefront my ability and inability to do good, do no harm and stay in a healthy relationship with others. In both teaching and consulting careers, I found myself working in many conflicted environments. More and more I realized that practicing the art of civility did more to resolve conflicts and respectful interactions than any other facilitating process.

I do have to say that a more primary prompting for this work was the increased awareness of the current and ongoing geopolitical polarizations. They seem to have no boundaries. They affect personal relationships, families, organizations, regions, nations, and world cultures. I know that this level of incivility has been present throughout human history. However, recent happenings, due to the global Internet and social media access, appear to be more volatile.

This work is meant to convey that dignity and respectability are at the very center of our humanity. Basic human needs can be significantly harmed, sometimes beyond repair, by something as slight as an embarrassment or ultimately jeopardized by a grievous act. These experiences set in motion by the personal decisions we make.

How will these stories shed light on our past, present, and future relationships and interactions? For me, my life has been involved and will continue to be, with finding ways to resolve conflict-based incivilities among individuals and within organizations. What I have found most helpful in these situations is to encourage respectful interactions. Even though a divisive issue may go partially unresolved, the relationship(s) can continue to move toward trust-building.

Perhaps you the reader will find a piece of your story in these stories. I hope that you will feel ready to expand the conversation with others with whom you interact.

∼Don Mendenhall

Hector

"I

llegal. Brown. Taco". It was common for me to be addressed in this manner growing up, and it did play a role in how I viewed myself. I felt foreign, out of place… it gave me a feeling of being less than my white peers. When I was young, it was very difficult not to internalize these names.

These lessening situations continually presented themselves from 7th grade through the college years. However, I did find ways to pick myself up, and create an internal sense of confidence. Over time, I learned to accept who I was.

I have always felt that being civil is based on mutual respect. The Golden Rule was instilled in us very early in life. It doesn't matter what religion or culture one may or may not profess. We all have internal willingness to be good to other people. It's important to commit ourselves to goodness and have no expected return of favor. To be in service to others is a way of being present. Alternatively, we become self-centered and lose self-awareness.

Our schools are key to shaping our civil behavior. I know this from personal experience. I saw others like myself who were subject