Becoming King, Dating A Queen

By Andy Graziosi

Men's happiness in love & life has hit an unprecedented rock-bottom

Dating for men is broken. Women are 4 times more likely than men to find a date. Less than 20% of women respond to a man's approach attempts. And shockingly, the top 10% of the most successful men get 95% of all the attention. With these appalling numbers, it's no surprise that nearly 40% of all men are single & the numbers keep on rising.

Men's single lives don't fare any better. 1 in 5 men has no friends. 75% of all suicides are among men. The modern man is becoming increasingly unhappy in love & life. All of this leads to bad mental health, creating bad relationships & severe physical health issues. It's a vicious cycle that needs to be broken.

Statistics about men are a disaster of epic proportions. Platonic & romantic relationships of men are at an all-time low. It's time for us to reclaim our thrones & bring back the satisfaction into our relationships. The irony of modern dating is that no woman wants to date someone who's not a man of value but men have been conditioned to derive too much of their value from the approval of women. Men need a new approach to happiness in life & love — one that derives their value from within themselves.

 

How to win with women & confidently date the women you've always wanted

Biology & psychology are powerful guides to help you understand female attraction towards male confidence. With these insights, you can develop masculine strength that attracts even the most beautiful women, while also reaping the rewards in your personal life.

Every woman is attracted to a confident king. To win with women you need to become an alpha male — a man who integrates his strengths & weaknesses within himself. This book answers what makes a man an alpha male and why women test & reject men. How to make women respect you is the secret to a woman's heart. Being a man of respect increases the attraction & trust women develop for you. A woman who trusts discovers her lust.

 

In this book you'll learn:

Cold, hard dating truths. What women really want, how to make women chase you right away, what successful seduction looks like, and how to avoid dangerous dating biases & mistakes when talking to women.

The big mistakes when seducing a woman. What's the reason why some women don't treat men with respect or play games of cat & mouse? This book pulls the curtain behind what makes women tick, why they choose some men over others and how they evaluate a man's qualities to make her happy.

Powerful principles to stand out among dozens of men that every single woman can choose from — backed by real-life evidence and insights from the most relevant scientific studies and profound philosophical principles explaining the core desires of women & how to fulfill them without compromising your own needs.

Effective relationship leadership rituals. How to be an assertive & nurturing leader in your relationship with your woman. These chapters teach you which behaviors keep the drama out of any relationship and how to develop trust that makes any woman go crazy for more sex with you — even after years of being a couple.

 

Who is this book for?

You want to talk to beautiful women without feeling anxious or not good enough

You want to outshine the male competition but don't know how to stand out

You want to stop women from rejecting you or only using you for attention

You want to find a woman who won't betray, hurt or disappoint you

You want to strengthen your masculine identity and feel confident enough to express & get exactly what you want from women

You want to build a strong long-lasting relationship & become pro-active instead of reactive to problems with your girlfriend

• Language: English
• Publisher: Andreas Galster
• Release date: Nov 23, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223687887

Book preview

Legal disclaimer

Too long; didn’t read — Every dating situation is different. The author holds no responsibility how you apply the knowledge within this book. In case of any doubts, always consult with a professional for advice. All names in this book have been changed to protect the privacy of every person.

Although the author has made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time and while this publication is designed to provide accurate information in regard to the subject matter covered, the author assumes no responsibility for any errors, inaccuracies, omissions, or any other inconsistencies herein and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

This publication is meant as a source of valuable information for the reader. However, it is not meant as a substitute for direct expert assistance. If such a level of assistance is required, you should seek the services of a competent professional such as a licensed relationship therapist or coach. This is a work of creative non-fiction. The events are portrayed to the best of Andreas Graziosi’s memory. While all the stories in this book are true, names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.

Copyright © 2023 by Andreas Graziosi

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form by electronic means, including information storage, without permission in writing from the author, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

Illustrations copyright © 2021 by Yudhistira Darwan

Introduction

Building attraction with women

Asking the big why

A man’s pursuit

The pull of purpose

The king is already a winner

Techniques don’t scale

Women make moves

Congruence is key

Becoming the rock in the surf

The power of polarity

Suffering reveals a man

The false narrative

The king’s superpower

It’s about principle

Resolve

Victimization

Integrity

Dignity

Truth

Ownership

Apology

Patience

Community

Boundaries

Natural selection

The journey with your woman

A golden opportunity

Always say I woof you

Be her present

Golden rejoinery

Chasing the dream

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Makinig — The Filipino word for listen. It is an essential word that I have metaphorically and quite literally engraved on my forearm to remind myself of the importance of being true to myself as a man to carve out the best life possible. My principle of always expressing myself honestly and unapologetically chasing what I want has improved my dating life beyond my wildest expectations. To me, this book isn’t rocket science. I wrote this book based on the simple premise of listening to what matters to you as a man. When you focus on your desires and believe that you deserve those cravings, you will receive them. Clarity is king.

Every single man has a clear vision of who he wants to become and what type of woman he wants to have next to him as he transforms himself into the image of that man. Yet, most men have a weird way of looking at dating that’s not helpful. Paradoxically, they focus on what the woman wants and who they need to be for her. They ask: "What do women want? Who do I need to be for her? — It is a crucial question that I will answer; however, this book’s title is Becoming King Dating A Queen" because I want to encourage you to think outside the box many men put themselves in. What do you want for your dating life? This book is about pleasing women, but especially yourself.

What would you give to be able to walk up to any woman you find attractive and get her to be mesmerized by your confidence? How desperately do you wish for a woman to see you for the badass man that you are? Has your dating life been filled with disappointments and lackluster responses from women you wished would love you? Do women out of your wildest dreams flake on you or show zero interest in what you have to offer? Did you lose the woman you loved more than anything? It hurts like a motherfucker, doesn’t it?

I used to walk this path myself. I had felt the agony and misery when women repeatedly rejected my attempts to get them to notice me. My motivation to find the woman of my dreams was shred to pieces every time yet another woman wouldn’t bother to give me her time of the day. I wrote this book for my former self, whom I wish had found the secret of attracting an incredible woman sooner. This would have saved me from a shitton of unnecessary pain and a quarter-life crisis that brought me close to death due to bad health.

I wrote this book for those men who are endless potential waiting to be unleashed — like mine had to be unleashed. It exists for every man who wants to do better with women by becoming a better version of himself. It’s for every man who wants to learn how to attract women effortlessly by discovering his greatest qualities & gifts. It’s for men who wish to ground & deepen themselves in their masculine energy, to rediscover their desires, purpose & strengths.

It’s for those men struggling to attract the woman of their dreams. It’s for those who failed to keep the perfect woman in their lives. It’s for those men who attract women with unhealthy behavior patterns. It’s for men who aren’t able to approach beautiful women when they first meet her. Whatever your love desires are, the chances are that just like I did, you crash-landed and had to face reality.

Few men have never had to confront the challenge of meeting a breathtaking woman but not being confident enough to make a move. For many men, approaching women feels as dangerous as jumping outside an airplane at 4.000 meters altitude. For many who don’t appreciate extreme sports, jumping out of an airplane would be terrifying as hell.

Have you ever had a thousand terrifying scenarios run through your head as you tried to find the courage to talk to a gorgeous woman? Have you felt paralyzed and began to tense up? After weighing all your approach strategies, you finally managed to leap ahead and talk to her, only to discover that you carried a broken parachute?

There was no safety measure as you fell and found that she didn’t seem interested in you. Something didn’t work out despite your courage to jump in with both feet. Man, I used to hate those moments. Even though I tried so hard, everything seemed for naught, and it was always another man who succeeded.

Fortunately, you deployed your spare parachute and landed safely for another try. After many leaps, you finally managed to get it right. You landed safely and arranged your first date. You were delighted and on cloud nine! Everything seemed perfect, until all of a sudden, she started flaking on you. One moment she was hot for you; the next, everything went cold.

The air underneath your parachute got sucked away, and now you were in free fall once again. No matter what you did, you always received her cold shoulder, or she didn’t make time for you. Something didn’t seem right, but you felt like you had done everything perfectly! Did someone rig your parachute?!

If you were lucky enough, you might even have entered a relationship with a stunning woman, and things seemed to be just fine at first. Still, the inevitable always happened: Your relationships didn’t last. You were torn to pieces as the calm & clear horizon transformed into a fierce storm, forcing you to crash-land amidst turbulent times. Over-time, the woman you loved became fed up with you. A lot of arguing ensued, and she might have even left you for somebody else.

The weight on your shoulders got too heavy to carry as your heart broke while she slowly fell out of love with you. Few things in life hurt as much as being rejected by a woman. All that weight made you drop at supersonic speed until the inevitable happened — she was gone. Boom! Crashlanding.

Skydiving sounds relatively simple in theory. Get on a plane, jump once you’re high enough up in the air, and pull the parachute. Unfortunately, we all know that nothing in life is as easy as it seems. At times, dating also looks deceptively simple. I’m kind, you’re kind — check. You’re smart, I’m smart — perfect! You’re passionate, I’m passionate — hell yeah! Why isn’t it working out? The reality is, of course, that love is an art form. Art takes time to master.

Do you relate to this narrative of moments and relationships with women that lead to nowhere? I certainly could! I used to be a cliché stereotype in the making — a shy, unpopular kid in high school who didn’t know how to talk to women. As I grew older, I finally managed to meet some girls, but I couldn’t keep them for longer than roughly a year or two, even among those who liked me the most.

The girls I ended up dating were typically average. There was always a catch, either in the looks department or the character department. I never managed to date a well-rounded woman who was both incredibly beautiful and incredibly intelligent, passionate & easy to be around at the same time.

I struggled enormously with attractive women. Talking to them was the stuff of nightmares! Fuck, I was a hopeless case of shy-guy! I was the definition of a beta male, and of course, all the alphas got the girls I dreamed of. The women of my dreams only spent time with me in my wildest fantasies. Going out with friends, having fun in bars, and approaching a girl seemed impossible for someone like me. Of course, it should go without saying that getting a girl’s number was an unthinkable ordeal. The thought of talking to women paralyzed me. I couldn’t get any useful words out of my mouth whenever I met an astonishing woman.

When I had finally thought to have found the woman of my dreams, I screwed up with her — of course. I had no god-damn idea about what I was doing. I had no experience of how to feel what she needed from me. I lacked communication skills and didn’t understand how to make her happy. After this significant relationship went awry, I was once again back at ground zero when things ended terribly with yet another cliché moment — a relationship that ended with a lot of anger, pain, and resentment.

This breakup profoundly changed my understanding of myself and my relationships. It revealed that I was failing with my relationships because I lived the first 30 years of my life as a broken, incomplete boy who never thought about his manhood. I certainly wasn’t a man yet. I had never really given it any thought to what it truly meant to be a man. This was my quarter-life crisis. I suffocated under all my existential angst. I could no longer function and felt as if I was drowning. All of a sudden, I finally began to listen to all the shit going on deep down inside. At first, this was painful beyond imagination.

It felt as if my body was 10.000 feet deep underwater. All the pressure of realizing that I had no fucking idea who I was seemed to crush me. I knew I had to gladly accept that I knew nothing so I could rediscover myself in the ocean of my feelings of inadequacy and dive back above water. My story of failed relationships wasn’t just a tale of misunderstanding women — it was a novel about not being in touch with myself. I had subconsciously been the author of my misery.

My lack of understanding of what masculinity & manhood meant for me was a mirror image of me being oblivious to what femininity & womanhood meant for the women I had been dating. How could I possibly expect to understand women if I didn’t even understand myself? How could I listen to a woman if I couldn’t listen to myself?

This revelation left me with only two options: Adapt and change into a man who understands himself so I could learn to understand women better or rinse and repeat the same mistakes and keep on failing with women.

As I look back at some of my failures with women in the past, I cannot help but laugh at how clueless I used to be. I knew I had found a fitting title for this book with "Becoming King Dating A Queen" because, like me, most men have a king within them who’s waiting to be unleashed. There’s royalty in all of us. We all deserve to be with an irreplaceable queen. What sets a king apart from the rest of the people? He has a grandiose plan and follows one thing: His purpose.

We all need purpose and a plan for our life. I needed a plan for my life to get to the point of writing this book & finding the woman of my dreams. You also need a plan for your life & your relationships to ensure you receive what you want from the woman of your dreams, the people you surround yourself with, and anything else in life. However, having a carefully crafted plan is not only about receiving what you crave. If you want to receive, naturally, you have to be willing to give to those you love. Most importantly, you have to give everything you are to the woman of your dreams.

We can think of dating as a mutually beneficial contract where we both enrich each other’s lives. To enrich someone’s life, you need to be rich yourself — rich of wisdom, clarity, expression, compassion & integrity. You’ll need to become rich in understanding of yourself and, of course, rich in knowledge of what’s in a woman’s heart.

This book’s premise is based on two core paradigms repeatedly supported by social studies: Women feel attracted to mindful men, who are calm and got their shit together. They are also attracted to men of high socioeconomic status. Coincidentally, mindfulness is a precursor to a man’s elevated status. Financial success and a highly valued status among peers don’t happen overnight, nor does it happen accidentally. Highly successful men are a product of continuous refinement & introspection. Mindfulness is a tool in their arsenal to make impactful decisions that lead them closer to their goals.

Mindful men are highly conscious of their emotions without being enslaved by them, and therefore they spend more time crafting the life they want to live. Aware men aren’t reactive. They don’t shrug their emotions under the rug, nor do they react to them impulsively. Instead, they learn to pay attention to their fears, anxieties & pain, as well as their ambitions, desires & joy. By paying attention, they empower themselves to sharpen their understanding of themselves. Honing our character reveals our true calling and clarity about how we define being a high-value man.

Conscious men use their awareness of these negative and positive impulses to take powerful, decisive actions that lead them closer to their goals. Unlike clueless men who I’d like to call not-yet-awake, mindful men are strong because they stare at the dark pit that’s their unrefined heart. It takes courage to stare into the belly of the beast.

Women know that this level of awareness is rare, which is why they instinctively gravitate around men of high socioeconomic status. A man’s quality of life is a reflection of his centered masculine core. Our life’s quality directly correlates to the quality of our relationships; women can feel when a man is in harmony with himself and others. Such a man is reliable. The safety and trustworthiness that a centered man projects out into the world turns them on.

A common trait among mindful individuals is their ability to listen. For the sake of long-term relationships, women desire to be with a man who’s able to listen & understand them; someone she can trust to have her best interest in mind. As a result of introspection, high-value men experience reduced anxiety since they live in the moment, rather than continuously worrying about the next thing that may go wrong in life, dating, or relationships.

A man of introspection is a fearless warrior who embraces every moment with confidence and courage. He doesn’t overthink because he believes that everything he will say or do will work itself out. This presence in the moment makes a man naturally more engaging in conversations with women without having to resort to inauthentic techniques that don’t represent his true nature. Real men intoxicate women. A man real with himself is loyal, dedicated, and faithful to himself, as much as a woman craves a man to be faithful to her.

You will discover that many of the ideas discussed in this book are more about you than they are about women. You will notice that success with women is primarily a state of mind. You achieve this state of mind through security & confidence in who you want to be, who you already are, and who you’re destined to become.

You’re unique and have your own story. There’s authenticity in it. I want you to discover what’s real for you. What’s your authentic way of life? How do you define yourself as a man, and what is it that you’re able to give freely to the world and your woman? I know that every man has limitless greatness within him. I believe that you are a king, and you rightfully deserve to be with a queen — it’s your birthright.

Kings lead to create a better future; they nurture and take care of their people & rule with wisdom and good intent. They’re not tyrants; they don’t rule with fear, spite, or violence. Kings worth remembering are courageous enough to swiftly make difficult decisions; they know when to advance and when to retrieve from a battle. They grasp when to rely on their own wisdom and when to seek out their council’s advice or even other kings for insight.

A king doesn’t let his ego loose and aims to improve his decisions, for he loves the people. The king knows that he’ll become a tyrant who destroys everything he touches should he stray from the path of virtue. Vice is easy; virtue is fucking hard. But it’s worth it. Tyrants eventually lose their throne when a heroic, virtuous warrior comes to free the people — and often, he becomes the new king. The tyrant is dead; long live the king.

A magnificent woman will inevitably seek you out. Just as a lion’s birth predestines him to be the animal kingdom’s ruler, you are waiting to be discovered by a unique & irreplaceable queen. Some kings are born, whereas others are created. Some men seem to have it all, who instinctively know how to talk to women, embody confidence and treat them the way they deeply desire. Whether you already have some natural affinity with women or you need a lot of insight — I know that you’ve got what it takes to roar loud enough for women to discover your value.

My message to you with this book is that you already have everything within you to attract the woman you desire. Every woman asks every man a straightforward question: "Can I trust you? — I hope that this book helps you trust in yourself as much as I believe in your potential, so the woman of your dreams puts her trust in you. The ideas represented in this book are heavily influenced by Viktor Frankl’s Will to meaning and Sigmund Freud’s Will to pleasure", as well as NLP — Neuro Linguistic Programming — a modern approach of psychology that helps us reimagine what we’re capable of.

While this book contains many anecdotal examples based on real-world experiences with women, it also includes evidence about what motivates men & women based on sociological discoveries from studies. As such, this book stands on the shoulders of giants, and it is my profound hope that all this incredible knowledge will inspire you to discover new principles about yourself.

I’ve grouped this book into three categories:

The first section explores what a woman wants from a man when she starts dating someone new. This section aims to discover what you need to focus on to attract women in your first encounters with her. You will learn about the right mindset you need to adapt to avoid pushing women away from you. The truth is that there is almost no woman, no matter how attractive and successful she may seem, that you cannot have if you have a strong, healthy & righteous mindset grounded in your masculine energy. You’ll discover that breathtaking women have unique needs that men rarely meet.

The second section helps you prepare yourself to become what a woman wants & needs from a man. Knowing what a woman wants is not enough. You will discover that the right mindset is grounded in discipline to forge your personality. A woman wants to be with a man who knows himself. You have to take action to become the man she wants by becoming the man you want to be. Finding the perfect woman to spend the rest of your life with is hard work. You’re able to attract what you want, but it requires impactful work on yourself.

"Self-sacrifice is the real miracle out of which all the reported miracles grow" — Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you’re willing to sacrifice your short-term gratification for long-term happiness, you’ll be capable of making miracles happen and date a woman out of your wildest dreams.

The last part of this book dives deep inside a woman’s heart. You will learn what she craves from a man to whom she is willing to dedicate the rest of her life. What is it that truly makes a woman tick, and how does she identify as a woman? How does this relate to what you have to be willing to give to her as a man? What are the qualities women desire in healthy long-term relationships? Why is she frustrated with you even though you spend more time together?

his chapter is especially important for you if you’ve ever experienced profound heartbreak due to a breakup or divorce that you regret from the bottom of your heart. If you wish never to repeat this gut-wrenching experience again or never want to go through it in the first place, this chapter is written for you.

As you go through the book, I’ll present you with a few simple but truly life-changing exercises that help you create more clarity around yourself and the women you want to date. I’ve designed them to be easy to follow. Please take the time to go through them. You can do each one of them in less than one weekend of precious alone-time. This simple time investment will pay itself back ten-fold in the upcoming years.

A central theme of this book is about you becoming a better version of yourself. Only a great man can attract a great woman. You have to design that man to the best of your ability. Change often correlates with pain. You may have been doing things your entire life in a certain way that doesn’t work, causing unnecessary friction throughout your love life. I hope you can get rid of this tension, even if it means embracing another kind of tension temporarily. Meaningful change requires you to be open to change your habits & thought patterns. As a man, you know how to endure and persevere. Don’t always expect a comfortable journey but do expect incredible rewards.

Asking the big why

"Know thyself, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories." — Sun Tzu

What do women want? At times it feels like an intimidating question! Many men have given up hope to find the answer over years or even decades of struggle. But is it that difficult to understand why women choose certain men over others?

Women certainly are complex beings. Their minds seem to be an endless ocean of thoughts and emotions. Maybe we are right when we think and say: "Women often don’t make any sense." Perhaps they are stupid, demanding, irrational, or too emotional?

Or does the problem lie within ourselves? Are we men unwilling to listen and dive deep into the depths of a woman’s desire? Are we hesitant to find an answer we don’t like? I believe many men instinctively already know the answer to what a woman wants, but they’re hesitant to answer the calling of a woman.

After all, if we’d know what a woman wants, we see ourselves faced with a harsh reality: Do we even represent what she needs? To illustrate this, let’s look a bit at my own personal & dating background. I wasn’t always knowledgeable about women. There’s no way I would have known what to write about women four years ago as of writing this