Stand Up, Doormat: A Relationship Survival Guide For The Nice Guy

By Gary DeJidas

Tired of being taken advantage of for being too nice?

You don't have to turn into a jerk, but you will have to change. It took me many years and tons of mistakes to figure out what I was doing wrong. Call "Stand Up, Doormat" an instruction manual for Nice Guys or whatever, just don't make the same stupid mistakes that I did. Please.

In this book you'll learn:
1. How to recognize when you're about to be hosed.
2. To avoid patterns that leave you depleted & defeated.
3. How to have a drama-free, awesome relationship for once and for all.

Awesome Chicks want a "bad boy" about as badly as they want their next car to be a 1988 Corolla. Hot chicks wanting to date a jerk is a total myth. Every woman wants to date a nice guy. But no woman wants a doormat. Huge difference. Doormats equal no respect, and get walked all over.

CAST OF MY (FICTITIOUS) EX GIRLFRIENDS:
THE HOT MESS
THE ROLLER COASTER
THE MOVING TARGET
THE QUEEN BABY
"EL DIABLO"

After I finished writing this Nice Guy Relationship Survival Guide, a thought occurred to me. Most guys do not like to read. Being a guy myself, I know the difficulty in getting myself to read anything besides a restaurant menu. Even then I prefer numbered pictures. There are so many things I'd rather be doing, watching, taking apart, I mean fixing... instead of reading. Even reading this description while I type it is a bit challenging.

Then it hit me. I'll just include a perfectly cooked steak with each ebook purchase. Guys love a quality cut of meat. Download-a-steak links, with medium rare, medium, and medium well options. (A noodle quiche link for my vegetarian buyers). But this ebook download format is throwing a major wrench in my game. No matter how fast the download speed, I can't keep the steak hot. And nobody will be encouraged to buy this book if it comes with a cold T-Bone. Surprisingly, the noodle quiche downloads perfectly every time.

Tasty gimmicks aside... here's the deal. I spent 1000 days in relationship hell with women, before I finally found my spine. Like so many of us Nice Guys out there, I thought the answer was trying to make "them" happy. Being "nice," by sacrificing my needs for theirs. Well, after an extended stay in Motel Inferno, I can assure you... that isn't the answer. We find the answer the moment we shift our focus off of "them," and focus i-n-w-a-r-d, taking responsibility for our choices, lives and relationships.

"Stand Up, Doormat" is divided into three sections:
1. Personal Growth & Spirituality
2. Understanding Women
3. Learning What Women Really Want (And Really REALLY Don't Want).

The chapters are also arranged like steps, in the same order I found most beneficial in my own journey of evolution from being a wimp with women, growing a set and ending my suffering, to finally getting out of relationship hell for good. Read these pages, and the Awesome Chicks will come.

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

Chapter 1 It's All Our Fault (Not Hers)
Chapter 2 Our Self-Worth And A Dollar Fifty Will Buy Us A Cup Of Coffee
Chapter 3 Look, In The Sky- A Bird, A Plane, A Giant Burrito... No, It's Just Our EGO!
Chapter 4 Women Are Mirrors
Chapter 5 Excuse Me, Princess, May I Give You A Hand Coming Down From Your Pedestal?
Chapter 6 "Ex" Baggage, Emotional Women, Trust Issues And Lying... How Exciting!
Chapter 7 Non-Attachment From Women: Your Jet Pack Out Of Hell
Chapter 8 How To Take Your Balls Back
Chapter 9 Anger Issues, Manipulation, And The Golden Rules Of Arguing
Chapter 10 What Women Really Want, And Really Really DON'T Want

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gary DeJidas
• Release date: Sep 29, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301249398

Book preview

Stand Up, Doormat

A Relationship Survival Guide

For The Nice Guy

By Gary DeJidas

Stand Up, Doormat

by Gary DeJidas

Copyright 2013 Gary DeJidas

Smashwords Edition

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

DeJidas, Gary.

Stand Up Doormat: a relationship survival manual for the nice guy. p. cm. United States Copyright Office / LOC: #1-846081851

Copyright © 2012-2013 by Gary DeJidas. All Rights Reserved.

Editorial cover design by Doe Zantamata.

Cover models: Nga Tran, Beatriz Silva.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your copy.

Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

For me, the greatest relationship awakening moment I ever had was the day I realized my life was totally screwed up because I was the one screwing it up. It was only when I changed me, that everyone else in my life changed. My deepest wish is that today can be that day for you, too.

If you want something to change in your life you have to change your response to how life is. And change how you view yourself. Just sayin'.

"If you really believed that you deserved better,

then you would have it. Work on you, not them."

~ Doe Zantamata

DEDICATIONS

For Katharine, the greatest mirror and teacher I've had in my adult life. My deepest gratitude. While I may have typed the words in this book, her influence is in every single letter.

For the wisdom of Doe Zantamata, who told me things years ago I am only beginning to understand now. And if you read a clever part of this book and think, How did he come up with that? I probably didn't. I was just smart enough to borrow from the best.

For Zade, Jess, Kari, Danielle, Patti and all the other friends who listened to my repetitive women problems over the years, and tried to give me advice I wasn't yet ready to hear, I appreciate it. Now I finally understand.

Nga, Danielle, Jess, Dan... your opinions during the revisions made the book better. I really appreciate it.

And for my parents and sister. No better family exists in the world.

I am truly blessed.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1000 Days In Hell, How I Found My Spine (An Introduction)

PART I: ACCOUNTABILITY, SELF-WORTH, THE EGO:

1. It's All Our Fault (Not Hers)

2. Our Self-Worth And A Dollar Fifty

Will Buy Us A Cup Of Coffee

3. Look, In The Sky...A Bird ,A Plane, A

Giant Burrito... No It's Just My EGO!

PART II: WOMEN ARE OUR GREATEST TEACHERS:

4. Women Are Mirrors

5. Excuse Me, Princess, May I Give You A Hand

Coming Down From Your Pedestal

6. Ex Baggage, Emotional Women,

Trust Issues, And Lying...How Exciting!

7. Non-Attachment From Women:

Your Jet Pack Out Of Hell

PART III: THE MAN EVERY WOMAN DREAMS OF:

8. How To Take Your Balls Back

9. Anger Issues, Manipulation, And

The Golden Rules Of Arguing

10. What Women Really Want,

And Really Really DON'T Want

DISCLAIMER

The names have been changed to protect the innocent...namely me.

I don't want these women showing up at my house and hitting me over the head with hardcover copies.

CAST OF (FICTITIOUS) EX GIRLFRIENDS

~ Awesome Chick ~

~ The Queen Baby~

~ The Roller Coaster ~

~ The Moving Target ~

~ The Hot Mess ~

~ The Devil ~

AWESOME CHICK: Views a relationship as a team. Will work with you on problems, and wants to make you better, not bring you down. Considerate, trustworthy, secure, funny, smart, charismatic.

THE QUEEN BABY: She will get her way, if she doesn't boss you into it she'll cry you into it.

THE ROLLER COASTER: Get ready for the ups and downs, twists and turns, loopdy loop, get me off this thing, I'm gonna be sick!

THE MOVING TARGET: Here, exactly what you want! But I don't want that anymore.

THE HOT MESS: Like an Easter egg. Painted pretty on the outside, scrambled on the inside. Arm candy can be very costly. Both in money and in sanity.

THE DEVIL: Quite self explanatory, really (If she speaks Spanish she's El Diablo).

Are You A Nice Guy? Pop Quiz

1. Do you think that all hot women are only attracted to bad boys?

2. Do you believe women do not want a nice guy, who is kind and respectful?

3. Do you ever apologize or say sorry for things that you didn't even do? Do you try to calm a woman down whenever she gets upset?

4. Do women tell you that they don't want to ruin your friendship by dating you?

5. Do you repeatedly date women who are not in any way shape or form, over their ex? Do you allow them to ramble on endlessly about their ex?

6. Do you shower a woman with gifts early on, feel you always have to pay for every date, or try to buy her affection?

7. Do you justify her anger, inconsiderate or inappropriate behavior, focusing on the occasional times she is kind, sweet, thoughtful? Thinking, If only she were only more like ______ all the time.

8. Do you dive head first into new relationships? Do you become consumed by a woman's life? Rushing to her any chance you get?

9. After one date, does a movie play in your head of your life together with her?

10. Do you try to fix emotionally unstable women? Try to help them grow?

If you answered no to all of these questions, well give yourself a big pat on your strong spine. If 1 or 2 apply, you may get a lot out of many sections of this book.

If you answered yes to nearly everything, drop whatever you are doing right now, and buy this book immediately. It will save your life.

1000 Days In Hell, How I Found My Spine

(An Introduction)

This book should probably more accurately be called, What The F Was I Thinking? I even bounced around another title I almost went with, Whatever You Do, Don't Take A Bitch To Morocco. But, Stand Up, Doormat had a nice ring to it, and it is quite appropriate for the knowledge I hope you all can gain from the pile of pain, drama and manure I call my dating years.

I wish, as a nice guy, I had this book ten years ago as a field manual. To reference anytime a woman wanted to change me, told me I needed to be different, or slashed below the belt in an argument. Anytime I felt there was something wrong with me, or didn't understand why my significant other was getting so upset.

The US Armed Forces issues a survival manual. Mechanics and engineers have them. Heck, even Boy Scouts have a field manual. Why don't nice guys get one? It feels like we are just left to aimlessly run around trying to make women happy, gain approval, give endless amounts of kindness and generosity, all the while being doomed to a life of disrespect from women and feeling under appreciated. Well, not anymore! I hope passing along what I've learned will help all of you find a considerate, beautiful, trusting, loving woman to spend your life with. A woman who encourages you, not weakens you. One who trusts you, respects you, and appreciates you. But I assure you, while it's possible to have all that, and more, and still be nice, you better be walking on the right side of that fine line between nice and spineless wuss.

I also hope I can lessen your suffering, or at least make you aware that drama and suffering in relationships is a choice. You are certainly free to choose women who bring pain and wreck your life, but awareness is the key. It does not have to be chaos and drama. Peace, love, acceptance, discussions not arguments – all possible. Sound like a fantasy world? It may remain a fantasy world if you don't start right here, right now, strengthening and tending to the most important relationship you have in your life- the one you have with yourself.

Now, I know women. Especially untrusting, toxic women. Here comes that cavalry to rescue the princess! No drama, no spark. The more ex-boyfriend trust issues the better! used to be my motto. Need fixin'? Come on in! Healthy? Secure? Independent? No thank you!

If I can find a way out of this darkness, so can you. And I'll help you. But I must warn you, the only way out, is through. And for most people, change isn't easy. Because we all tend to deny one simple truth. We each are personally responsible for everything that happens to us in relationships.

Now, like I said before, I know women. Ever since my pre-teen years I've always had them as friends, best friends, siblings, business partners, romantic partners, travel buddies, roommates, and in any other life role you can think of. This isn't healthy, or normal, I realize this. My estrogen to testosterone levels and balance is way, way off. If I had to write a book about how to be a guy, I'd be in a serious dilemma. But as luck would have it, this is manual for nice guys about dating awesome women. So all the hot chick friends, intellectual chick friends, lame chick friends, sweet chick friends, considerate chick friends, selfish chicks, chicks with trust issues, chicks with ex-boyfriend issues, boring chicks, unstable chicks, adventurous chicks, cute chicks, model chicks, silly chicks, and absolutely brilliant chicks – I've befriended or had in my life – comes in quite handy. I've had so much estrogen in all aspects of my life to this point, I wouldn't be surprised tomorrow if I happened to lay an egg.

I really do have an unhealthy adoration for all women. Always have. Adoration for strong, independent, amazing women is one thing. But for me, I gave way too much underserved praise and admiration to really crappy women. Like super crappy ones! Intentionally hurtful, mistrusting, selfish, bitchy, needy... I couldn't get enough of the drama.

Oh, and when I use the term 'chick' I mean it in the most respectful adoring of ways. I really have a tremendous amount of respect for women. I love their emotions, their strength, their intelligence, their beauty, their feminine power, their ability to have masculine drives, their creativity, even their madness! It's tough being a woman in the world, and really tough being a hot chick, or smart chick, or especially an independent chick. Keep that in mind, as guys tend to think it's tough to be a man in this world. But really, we have it quite easy once we get the basics down.

Another wonderful thing about women is that you will never be able to change them. Good or bad, they are consistent. So, don't even try. You shouldn't want to or feel a need to. If you do you are probably acting out of insecurity, or you are just flat out with the wrong woman. And part of your real power as a man comes from never changing yourself, for them. So if you are a guy who tries to fix untrusting or unstable women, by all means, please keep reading. We have a lot in common!

Now with all this said about my knowledge of women, if you are looking for a book on how to pick up a beautiful woman at a bar, this is absolutely NOT the book for you. I couldn't even begin to tell you how to do that. On the other hand, if you are looking for a book on how to be true to yourself, how to stay nice because it feels right to you, and still have an intelligent, genuine, amazing women adore your kindness and consciousness, then this may just be your ticket.

Quality women do not want a bad boy. Let’s just get that myth out of the way right away. You may have that in your belief system, and even see it in your own experiences, but it simply is not true. Maybe some have issues they are working out, maybe it appears that they want someone who isn't kind, maybe they are really young and going through a phase, or maybe the woman just doesn't want you. But, I have yet to find a woman who genuinely wants to be treated poorly, disrespected, or play games.

The truth is that there isn't a woman on the planet who doesn't desire to be loved, respected, cherished, inspired and challenged, and be with a man who she is safe to let down her guard with and trust and be vulnerable around. And despite anything you may believe or have heard, they all also want a nice guy. But no woman wants a doormat. Huge difference. Doormats equal no respect, and get walked all over.

However, if you are pursuing women who are only interested in an emotionally unavailable, on and off relationship with bad boy types, you should probably look at why you are attracted to that type of woman, rather than complain that women do not want a nice guy. What is it about you that finds these unstable, selfish, emotional roller coasters attractive? What screw is loose in your ego? Because I can assure you, the issue is most definitely in you, not them.

But here is the catch. While I believe all women do want a nice guy, none of them want a guy who is spineless. Or boring. Or is a pushover. Or who doesn't have confidence or respect himself. Or who is overly nice to all his friends and neglects her. Or who doesn't know how to be a man in the areas of life where a man needs to man-up. Or who is so nice and pleasing that he is indecisive.

We have a lot of work to do!

So saddle up, get comfortable, and get ready to leave the welcome mat that used to