The "More or Less" Definitive Guide to Self-Care

By Anna Borges

“Taking care of yourself is not meant to be stressful. [This book] gives practical tips for implementing self-care in our busy lives.” —Allure

Some days you need a pick-me-up, some days you need a life preserver. As Anna Borges explains, for most of us, self-care is a wide spectrum of decisions and actions that soothe and fortify us against all the shit we deal with. You may already practice some form of self-care, whether it’s taking an extra-long shower after a stressful day, splurging on a fancy dinner, or choosing Netflix over that friend-of-a-friend’s birthday party. But when life gets so overwhelming that you want to stay in bed, some more radical care is crucial to maintain your sanity.

The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care is here to help you exist in the world. Borges gathers over 200 tips, activities, and stories (from experts and everyday people alike) into an A-to-Z list—from asking for help to catching some Zzz’s. Make any day a little more OK with new skills in your self-care toolkit—and energy to show up for yourself.

A Foreword INDIES Gold Winner

“This self-help guide made me feel seen.” —Real Simple

“A compendium [about] how to move through the world with a little more kindness for yourself.” —Bustle

“Give [this to] your Type A friend who runs herself ragged.” —Los Angeles Times

• Language: English
• Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media
• Release date: Nov 1, 2019
• ISBN: 9781615196111

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praise for

THE MORE OR LESS DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO SELF-CARE

How to Make 'Self-Care' Actually Feel Like Self-Care"—The New York Times

[A] life-changing and essential new A-to-Z guide."—HelloGiggles

The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care is a tool for anyone feeling overwhelmed and looking for the tools and validation to intentionally take care of themselves."—Nylon

A compendium [about] how to move through the world with a little more kindness for yourself."—Bustle

Sometimes it seems like 'self-care' is just more work. Luckily, Anna Borges wrote the ultimate manual to keeping your head on (and happy) in a chaotic world. Internalize Borges' advice until self-care is second nature."—Refinery29

We're big fans of Anna's book for recognizing the types of care you need in both the short and long-term. Does coloring sometimes make you feel better? Sure! But so can therapy, asking for help, seeing a friend, self-compassion, lounging, or getting organized. We love that [Anna's] book makes room for it all."—Girls Night In

Give your Type A friend who runs herself ragged The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care, which provides personalized tips for increasing her day-to-day well-being."—Los Angeles Times

Borges affirms in her sensitive, fun, and practical book [that] it's most important to make health and well-being a personal responsibility. . . . An engaging A-to-Z guidebook filled with options for creating a personal and versatile self-care toolkit that will last a lifetime."—Foreword Reviews starred review

[Anna's] book is . . . what every college student needs right now."—Her Campus

As self-care has become a kernel in a larger wellness space warped by capitalism, [Anna Borges] combines real anecdotes from people who are figuring out how to take care of their mental health with advice from experts and more than 200 tips that readers can return to in their time of need."—Bitch

Borges's welcoming tone and plethora of ideas will be helpful for readers whether they're looking for ideas for being just a little bit happier or struggling with serious mental health concerns."—Publishers Weekly

Anna has written a truly comprehensive book for people who are trash at taking care of themselves."—Lane Moore, bestselling author of How To Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't

A thoughtful and empathetic resource filled with kindness, knowledge, and actual specific information that will actually help."—Jonny Sun, author and illustrator of Everyone's a Aliebn When Ur a Aliebn Too

Anna Borges boasts a keen understanding of all the parts of ourselves we typically fail to nourish, and just what damage that can do over time. Whether you're desperate for an emotional overhaul or just looking for extra ways to boost your mood, there's something in this book for everyone. It's bursting with specific, actionable solutions and sound advice."—Andrea Bonior, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist and Baggage Check mental health advice columnist

Anna Borges has done more to promote health and wellness for the general public than any other contemporary writer I know. Weaving together scientific truths, personal experience, and regular people's stories, Borges calls out the stigma and shame that prevents us from prioritizing our well-being. This is an often hilarious and occasionally heartbreaking guide for anyone feeling overwhelmed. As a therapist, I'll recommend this book to my clients to help them cope with stress and manage their emotions between sessions. It's so entertaining and informative they (okay, I) won't put it down."—Ryan Howes, PhD, ABPP, clinical psychologist and writer for Psychology Today and Psychotherapy Networker Magazine

Contents

Cover

Introduction

Self-Care A to Z

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X Y Z

What Self-Care Do You Need Right Now?

Therapy FAQs

Mental Health Resources

Further Reading

Notes

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Landmarks

Cover

Contents

Introduction

Contents

Cover

Introduction

Self-Care A to Z

A B C D E

F G H I J

K L M N O

P Q R S T

U V W X Y Z

What Self-Care Do You Need Right Now?

Therapy FAQs

Mental Health Resources

Further Reading

Notes

Acknowledgments

About the Author

INTRODUCTION

What Is Self-Care?

The concept of self-care is deceptively simple: making time to take care of yourself for the benefit of your overall mental and physical well-being. But if you’re a human who exists in this world—the real world, where burnout, depression, anxiety, pain, illness, trauma, oppression, shitty families, violence, tragedy, breakups, divorces, death, unemployment, addiction, and good ol’-fashioned bad times exist—you know that taking care of yourself is never a simple thing.

Because of that, when creating a guide to self-care, I didn’t want to try to reinvent the wheel—it’s such a personal, complicated, sprawling thing that it would be disingenuous, not to mention unhelpful, to try to create a straightforward how-to guide. For some people, self-care is doing the bare minimum to make it through the day; for others it’s all about indulging and pampering and de-stressing. For most of us, it’s a wide spectrum of decisions and actions that soothe and fortify us against all the shit we deal with in the world. There are just too many ways to practice self-care out there to sit here and tell anyone definitively how to do it.

But before we get into that, let’s talk history first.

Believe it or not, self-care originally caught on as a medical concept. Doctors knew that health-related care couldn’t revolve around appointments, hospitalizations, and the constant guidance of health professionals. Not only is it hard to get people to keep up on their checkups and appointments (who else is guilty of putting off going to the doctor as long as possible?), but defining health care only as what requires professional intervention ignores something really important: that taking care of ourselves has to be an ongoing daily commitment.

Doctors have always been invested in the ways we can manage our own health through self-care—broadly defined as the personal effort we put into staying well, preventing disease, managing our minor ailments, and maintaining control over our chronic diseases and conditions.

Later, academics applied the concept to people who worked in helping professions such as therapists, EMTs, and social workers, and in other stressful and draining occupations. These people especially needed to learn ways to protect their emotional and physical well-being because the demands of their work—sitting with people in their pain and struggles—had the capacity to take a huge toll on their health.

Self-care became political with the rise of the women’s movement and the civil rights movement. For women and especially people of color, taking their health into their own hands through self-care was an act of claiming autonomy over their bodies in the face of a white, patriarchal medical system that was failing them. Self-described black, lesbian, mother, warrior, poet Audre Lorde wrote, Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare. And while these words referenced her battle with liver cancer in A Burst of Light, they are also often recognized as one of the roots of our modern understanding of self-care as a radical act.

Since then, the concept of self-care has exploded kaleidoscopically. By now, much has been written about self-care: what it is, what it isn’t, what it can do, what it can’t. It has been bastardized, commercialized, reclaimed, redefined. But no matter what it means for you personally, self-care should also be a lifestyle—a highly personalizable lifestyle—because taking care of yourself and taking ownership of your health isn’t something you do just once. It’s a responsibility we have to ourselves.

Luckily, as responsibilities go, it can be a pretty enjoyable one.

What Does Self-Care Is a Lifestyle Really Mean, Though?

Don’t worry, committing to the lifestyle of taking care of yourself doesn’t mean that it’s something that you have to do 24-7. Not everything in your life can be self-care—we’d never get anything done—but self-care can permeate most of the corners of your life. Along those lines, self-care usually falls into at least one of these four categories:

1. Nourishing your body

The things you do to take care of your physical self, such as moving, drinking enough water, taking care of hygiene, and keeping up on your medical appointments. You probably notice you feel better or worse depending on your overall health habits and how you treat your body. That’s because mental and physical health are so closely intertwined; sleeping patterns, diet, exercise, caffeine, alcohol, medication, hormonal shifts, daylight, relaxation, and recovery can cause changes in your moods, thought patterns, and overall emotional well-being.

2. Nourishing your mind

The things that promote positive emotional and mental health, such as developing coping mechanisms, cultivating self-awareness, correcting negative thought patterns, and accepting your vulnerability. A lot of these practices can come from the help of a professional—such as a counselor or therapist—but it requires work on your part, too. Going to the therapist isn’t like going to the doctor for an infection where you leave with medicine and can expect to be better in a week or two. You have to build an arsenal of fortifying habits to have at your disposal when things get rough.

3. Nourishing your relationships

The care and keeping of support systems in your life. No matter how introverted or independent we are, we all need social connection. Loneliness is largely considered a growing epidemic, and the impact it can have on your health is no joke. Chronic loneliness can increase depression and anxiety, and some studies even point toward it contributing to early death. So yes, we need our people, we need to get out into the world, and we need to feel part of. On top of that, social self-care involves learning to set boundaries and knowing how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy bonds.

4. Nourishing your spirit

The intangible ways you feed your soul and create meaning in the world. There’s no one way or reason to be a spiritual person. It could be about bringing creativity, curiosity, and wisdom into your life. It could be about strengthening your relationship with yourself or the world around you. It could be about finding some higher guiding path or power to make existing a little easier or more meaningful. Whether that’s practicing religion or magic, doing rituals, meditating, learning astrology, setting intentions, or whatever speaks to you, spirituality gives you a way to tap into something beyond yourself.

Of course, not everything you do will fall perfectly under one of these umbrellas—it’s more about viewing self-care as a holistic practice than sorting everything into neat little boxes.

What Self-Care Isn’t

Just as there are a million and one possible definitions of self-care, there are also a lot of ways it can be misinterpreted and misused. Here are a few things to keep in mind to make sure you’re not squandering the potential benefits of self-care:

1. Self-care isn’t selfish.

There’s a frustrating misconception that anything that is not 100 percent selfless is selfish. But taking care of ourselves and caring for and considering others are not mutually exclusive. In fact, taking care of our own health and well-being empowers us to be better friends, partners, coworkers, bosses, family members, and humans. Without doing the essential work of showing up for ourselves, how can we expect to be in any shape to show up for others? As the old saying goes, you have to put your oxygen mask on before you can assist anyone else.

All that said, though, taking care of yourself is a reason in and of itself. You don’t need to justify your self-care efforts by enumerating the ways it benefits everyone besides you. You deserve care for its own sake.

2. Self-care isn’t an excuse.

OK, I know we just established that self-care is not inherently selfish but, like anything, it can be exploited. Somewhere along the line, the language of self-care grew past concepts like learn self-compassion and remember to bathe to include make yourself feel good by any means necessary, even at the expense of other people. Which, no.

When we say self-care isn’t selfish, we mean that our needs are important and worth attention. But that doesn’t mean that we’re not capable of using self-care as an instrument of selfishness. I’m sure you’ve seen people slap ~self-care~ on just about anything as a justification for bad or irresponsible behavior. Hell, I’m sure you’ve done it yourself. I know I’ve been guilty of it, for sure. Cancel your plans: self-care! Blow off obligations in favor of a facemask and a glass of wine: self-care! Spend money you don’t really have: self-care!

So, as you go about attending to your needs, respect those around you and be honest with yourself about your motivations, your impact on others, and whether you’re just hiding an excuse to do whatever you want behind a smoke screen of self-care.

3. Self-care isn’t self-reliance.

One of the most common criticisms of self-care is that it’s unfair and unrealistic to put all this pressure on yourself to be in charge of your own well-being. And that’s absolutely true—there’s nothing more annoying than the old adage that you can choose happiness, as if you’ve always had the power to zap away your misery and have just been squandering it.

None of us has the capacity to soothe all that ails us on our own. Self-care is as much about opening yourself up to the many ways others can help you as it is about taking care of yourself. It’s educating yourself

Reviews for The "More or Less" Definitive Guide to Self-Care

[evelyn.b · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Simple, easy read, intuitive, and a great resource to have on your shelf for those days when you want to do something for yourself. Flow chart in the back of the book is awesome so you can ask yourself what type of self-care you need at that time and the author points you to specific sections of the book for ideas that would work for your current mood. Very cool book!

[spinsterrevival · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Listening to the audiobook of this was really beneficial as an initial overview, and later using it as a nice reference. This definitely isn’t a replacement for therapy, but I think it can be used as a good pick-me-up as needed; I did appreciate quite a bit of inclusivity and sharing from others. I’m giving it 4 stars alone just for including a listing for “fandom”.