Yes, You Can Talk About Mental Health at Work: Here’s Why… and How to Do it Really Well

By Melissa Doman

This timely and practical book is for any employee, manager or leader who wants to understand mental health at a deeper level, and learn how to talk about it really well in the workplace.

Taking a realistic approach through research, stories of lived experience, and applied techniques that anyone can use, this approachable book covers a variety of crucial areas, including:

• How we bring our beliefs and experiences around mental health and mental illness into the workplace
• The importance of understanding how the language we use, consciously or unconsciously, impacts our interactions with others
• Ways to manage the challenges around having mental health conversations at work
• Step-by-step 'how-to' conversation guides, alongside practical tools
• Concrete tips on ways to action this education, individually or at a team level.

After reading this book, you will feel empowered and equipped to have constructive, meaningful conversations about mental health in your workplace.

This book is approved for SHRM recertification credit. The Society of Human Resources Management (SHRM) is the largest and oldest governing body for human resources professionals in the US.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trigger Publishing
• Release date: Oct 12, 2021
• ISBN: 9781837963973

Melissa Doman

Melissa Doman, MA is an Organizational Psychologist, former Clinical Mental Health Therapist, & mental health at work specialist. Melissa works with companies across industries around the globe – including clients like Google, Dow Jones, Microsoft, Salesforce, Siemens, Estée Lauder, & Janssen. She’s been featured as a subject matter expert in Vogue, the BBC, CNBC, Inc., and in LinkedIn’s 2022 Top 10 Voices on Mental Health. Having lived abroad in South Korea, England, Australia and traveled to 45+ countries, Melissa calls upon her global experiences to inform how she works with companies around the world. She has one core goal: to equip companies, individuals, and leaders to have constructive conversations about mental health in the workplace. Her work and book aim to accomplish just that. To learn more about Melissa, her work, or the book - please visit www.melissadoman.com.

Book preview

PART 1

THE WHY

1

MENTAL HEALTH

What It Is and Why It Matters

Before we can start changing the culture of a workplace around the topic of mental health, we need to understand its larger context and debunk some popular social assumptions. So, let’s start by defining the term mental health and look at some of the terminology we use around the subject.

To live means being exposed to a spectrum of experiences. Some moments are light and easy, and others are as dark as a black hole that could crush you. All of these moments are a part of life and come along with being human. Life works in shades of grey, so it’s crucial to look at mental health across this spectrum of experience.

The concepts of mental health, mental illness, and stress have been used interchangeably, in error, over the years – thus creating the confusion that many people have felt surrounding this terminology. That has thankfully started to change, and in recent years, society has sought more clarity about these terms.

What’s interesting is that these concepts have grown and evolved throughout human history, from what they mean, to what they imply, and misconceptions have even led to some people questioning if they’re real. With such confusion over the basic concept of mental health, it’s no wonder some question what’s normal, and what is ok to talk about without fear of judgment. In Chapters 2 and 3, we’ll look at the historical picture that’s been painted around mental health that led us to the social narrative that we now know (and are consciously trying to change). First, let’s look at the present-day definitions.

WHAT IS MENTAL HEALTH?

There are different definitions throughout the world of what the term mental health means, and it can mean different things to different people. To keep it simple, let’s stick to a mainstream definition that’s widely known and used. Mentalhealth.gov, the centralized mental health education information site for the US Department of Health and Human Services, defines mental health as:

Our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.¹

By this definition, we all have mental health.

Just as you have heart health, sexual health, bone health, and the dozens of other kinds of health you have in your body, you have mental health. Your brain, and its functioning, is very clearly on this list.

To be alive, interact with our environment, and possess emotions, is to have mental health. It’s the emotional reactions, thoughts, and social interactions related to experiencing life, loss, happiness, neutrality, and everything in between.

And, just like any other organ in the body, our brains can be pushed beyond some limits and develop illness too. Unlike our physical health, mental health is something we can’t see, and this may be where the issue lies.

Mental health is the same as physical health in that we all have natural wear and tear. If you think about what we go through in a lifetime, there is no doubt it will impact our mental health. Our resilience levels can be up or down; mental health challenges will happen to all of us at certain points in our lives. Mental health may mean different things to different people, but at the end of the day, we all have it. L, a Black female working in the consulting industry

THE NORMAL SPECTRUM OF EMOTIONS

We’ve established that we all have mental health. Now, we also need to accept that our mental health will naturally include a spectrum of emotion: both positive and negative. To experience negative emotions is well within the expected range of human behavior. Feelings of sadness, anger, worry – and more – are part of the natural variants of emotions within the mental health spectrum.

Not only are negative emotions natural, but they serve an evolutionary purpose, as a form of promoting survival. Negative emotions provide signposts that you may need to disengage from a person, activity, or situation and show to others that you may need support or are in distress. Typically, when someone cries or gets angry, it behaviorally signals to others that that person is in need of attention. And, from a personal perspective, these emotions also signpost to you that your mind needs some care.

In 1982, psychologist Dr. Gloria Willcox created The Feeling Wheel² to show the basic breakdown of the natural six emotional categories we have: sad, mad, scared, peaceful, powerful, and joyful. Notice that half of these natural base emotions are inherently seen as negative. Dr. Wilcox then drilled into each category to show that there are literally dozens of sub-emotions we feel in those categories, naturally.

For sadness alone there are 12 sub-emotions, including feeling inadequate, miserable, and inferior. And yet, many people feel worried about experiencing these emotions, thinking there is something wrong with them. They assume that these deep, complex feelings are beyond the healthy scope of the mental health spectrum.

Well, they’re not. And it’s this misconception that stops the discussion of these normal negative emotions in everyday life.

However, if those negative feelings and emotions start to become regularly occurring, intensify, and start to impact overall functioning, that is when someone may be edging toward a mental health condition, also known as a mental health disorder or mental illness.

WHAT IS MENTAL ILLNESS?

Mental illness, its cause, and how to treat it is one of the most heavily debated issues in psychiatry, general healthcare, alternative medicine, and psychology today. To simplify this nuanced subject, I am going to use the most up-to-date definition from a reputable source, The Mayo Clinic:

"Mental illness, also called mental health disorders, refers to a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. Many people have mental health concerns from time to time. But a mental health concern becomes a mental illness when ongoing signs and symptoms cause frequent stress and affect your ability to function."³

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), one in four people worldwide will be impacted by a diagnosed mental health condition at some point in their lives.⁴ That’s not a small portion of the population: that’s roughly 1.9 billion people worldwide based on the current population. Clearly this isn’t an issue of a small portion of humanity. It’s prevalent, it’s here to stay, and it’s everywhere – even if people aren’t talking about it.

There are many people, myself included, who would also venture to say that these numbers may be underreported and are based on those who self-identify and seek treatment. Sadly, not everyone who experiences mental health issues seeks treatment. Not everyone recognizes they have a problem, knows how (or wants) to put into words what they’re experiencing or has access to resources.

HAVING A MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT A CHOICE

There is a very long list of potential causes that can kick off the development of a mental illness, all of which are beyond someone’s control (see page 9). Having a mental illness is not a choice. Just as you wouldn’t choose to develop Type 1 diabetes or Crohn’s disease, you wouldn’t choose to develop neural pathways in the brain that lead to a mental illness.

And the ability to cope with a mental illness is also subject to a number of factors, some of which are out of our control. These could include education about what mental illness is, recognition of having a problem, or access to counselling or medication. There are many people who experience mental illness, and due to being socially marginalized or located in an area where resources aren’t available, cannot get access to the care they need.

People can be quick to question why those with mental illnesses don’t just sort themselves out, seek support and get better, when the picture is often far more complicated than that.

If I could not be sad, I would not be sad. It’s not like I’m trying to be depressed. K, a mixed-background female (Black and Caucasian) working in administrative support

It’s important to note that someone experiences a mental illness, not that they’re suffering from a mental illness. You, hopefully, wouldn’t say that someone is suffering from diabetes, but rather, that they have diabetes. To say that someone is suffering from mental illness stigmatizes it further and makes it seem as though it’s the entirety of who they are, which is not the case.

"Treat it like any other illness. It is another illness… Don’t treat it as if it’s some kind of threat." R, a Caucasian male lawyer

WHO CAN EXPERIENCE A MENTAL ILLNESS?

No matter who you are or where you come from, mental illness knows no boundaries. It affects people from all walks of life.

There are some common misconceptions and stereotypes where people assume that mental illness tends to reside in the extremes in society (e.g. the mad genius or the schizophrenic homeless person). While mental illness absolutely exists in those groups, it is just as prevalent in the general population, amongst the people that we know and interact with every day. It may just be that these people experience mental illness silently, and you wouldn’t know they have it unless they shared it with you.

I challenge you to take any pre-existing notions you may have around the type of person who would have mental illness and toss it out the door. There is no type of person that experiences mental illness. It can affect anyone, from anywhere, anytime.

WHY DO SOME PEOPLE EXPERIENCE MENTAL ILLNESS?

There are many reasons why a mental illness may develop. There is no singular cause because it’s not a linear problem. No two people are identical in this and the influencing factors that usher a person down the pathway of developing a mental illness, while sometimes similar, are unique.

To give you a general sense, mental illness develops from a variety of coalescing factors and how they interplay with each other. In other words, it doesn’t come from just one thing.

Mental illness usually develops from a genetic predisposition, trauma, abuse, neglect, or prolonged stress. The environment in which we grow up, or the people we encounter in our formative years, can also influence how a mental illness can develop.

To show you how truly complex this can really be, have a look at the below list of the different factors that can impact someone developing a mental illness. Organizations like Mind UK⁵ and the Centers for Disease Control (CDC)⁶ highlight the following as different ways that mental illness can develop:

•Early adverse life experiences, such as trauma or a history of abuse (e.g. child abuse, sexual assault, neglect, witnessing violence, etc.)

•Experiences related to other ongoing chronic physical medical conditions (e.g. cancer or diabetes)

•Chemical imbalances in the brain

•Genetic predisposition (e.g. Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, and addiction)

•Prolonged use of alcohol or recreational drugs

•Social isolation and feelings of loneliness

•Sexual or physical abuse

•Experiencing discrimination and stigma

•Social disadvantage, poverty, or debt

•Bereavement

•Unemployment or losing a job

•Homelessness

•Having long-term caregiving responsibilities (e.g. caring for an ill relative in isolation for years on end)

•Domestic violence

•Being bullied

•Significant trauma as an adult (e.g. being in combat, an accident, or the victim of a crime)

•A head injury

When I think about the above factors and how mental illness can develop, I’ve always conceptualized it by looking at the brain, and our nervous system, as one big tape recorder. (Yes, I realize I’m dating myself here as an ’80s baby.) We’re constantly on record. If we press the different buttons too many times, throw the machine around, or use it haphazardly, it can wear on the machine and the tape material. It can still work and function, but not as easily it’s supposed to. That’s how I look at mental health conditions. Someone can still function, but not as smoothly or easily as they’d like