Transitioning to Retirement with Courage and Grace: A Guide for the Christian Woman

By Jane C. Owen Ph.D.

The first day after I retired and the alarm clock did not go off, I wandered out through the French doors from our bedroom to the courtyard, cup of coffee in hand. I realized I was completely alone for the first time in a long time. In this peaceful moment, a single thought exploded in my mind: What do I do now?

Transitioning to Retirement with Courage and Grace is a road map for women who seek God’s guidance in all seasons of their lives and particularly in times of change. It is filled with practical suggestions, pertinent facts, gentle humor, and the transparency of an author who hopes to be seen as a supportive guide and friend.

Ways to prepare spirit, soul, body, personal relationships, and social living for retirement are discussed. Ways to handle the irritations, struggles, and fears that are frequently a part of any life transition are examined. The impact of change, the importance of structure, and strategies to help make significant and sometimes difficult life changes are offered. Finally, we’ll talk about ways to enrich the retirement experience and pass a legacy forward.

The pathway through retirement is a mini transition that closely resembles the journey through life. The same change and decision-making strategies, persistence, flexibility, curiosity, and scriptural principles work for both. The learning from this book, therefore, can be applied to other areas of life as well.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Aug 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9798385001033

Jane C. Owen Ph.D.

Jane C. Owen, Ph.D. is a native New Mexican. She has served for 33 years in public school education as a teacher, principal, director of student services, assistant superintendent, and finally professor at a regional state university where she held the West Chair of Educational Leadership and taught leadership to aspiring principals and superintendents. She is the author of two textbooks and numerous professional journal articles and has consulted in school districts and presented at both national and international conferences. Dr. Owen graduated with a Bachelor of Education in English from the University of Wyoming. While living in New Mexico, she received a Master of Education in educational administration from New Mexico State University. She then earned a doctorate from the University of Texas, Austin, in educational administration as a fellow in the Cooperative Superintendency Program Cohort 11. Jane Owen and her husband Jim, who holds a Ph.D. in Economics, have moved 22 times and lived in seven states throughout the southwest during their 55 years of marriage. They have two adult children, Jill and husband Darrell; Patrick and wife Hang; and five grandchildren, Julia, Camille, Kelly, Michael and Jacob. Most importantly, Jane accepted Christ as her Savior as a child and has been a committed Christian for over 60 years. She and her husband raised their children in a faith-based home and are thankful to see that their children are carrying on this tradition. They are currently members of First Baptist Church, Wichita Falls, Texas. Jane is a Christian Life Coach working with women who are struggling with retirement issues. She has also been involved in ministry work in Malawi, Africa. Jane and Jim currently live in Oklahoma on the bluffs above the Red River with the deer and the armadillos and an opinionated goldendoodle named Ellie.

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Copyright © 2023 Jane C. Owen, Ph.D.

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ISBN: 979-8-3850-0102-6 (sc)

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Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, NEW

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Contents

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Part 1: Retirement 101

Chapter 1: Thinking About Retirement Today

My Story

A Brief History of Retirement

Go Find Your Own

Reality Hits

Chapter 2: Timing is Everything

God’s Principle of Wait Time

Sensing God’s Hand

Preparing to Change

Chapter 3: Who Are You Now? Who Were You Created Be?

It’s Time for a Re-do

Flawed Model of Decision Making

Self-Knowledge

Discovery

Finding Yourself

Part 2: Do Your Homework

Chapter 4: Spiritual Steadfastness

The Foundation

Non-negotiable #1: Make Time with God a Priority

Non-negotiable #2: Practice Living in Two Worlds at Once

Non-Negotiable #3: Make Friends with Death and Dying

Chapter 5: Care for the Soul: Mind, Will, and Emotions

Soul Component #1: The Mind

Soul Component #2: The Will

Soul Component #3: The Emotions

The What-Ifs

Inevitable Change

More About Stress and Its Impact on the Soul

Strategies to Combat Stress

Busyness

Practical Applications for Retirement

Chapter 6: Physical Preparation

You ≠ Your Body

Your Body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit

Use It or Lose It

Honor God with Your Body

Physical Measures to Increase Strength and Longevity

Chapter 7: Relational Preparation

Where Do You Prioritize Relationships?

Your Relationship with Yourself: Become Your Own Best Friend.

Your Relationship with Your Husband or Significant Other

Preparing for Loss

Close Relatives and You

Where Do Friends Fit in Now?

Strangers in Need

Chapter 8: Reinvent Your Social Life to Create Community

What Are Communities?

What Are the Benefits of Living in Communities?

Finding a Community: Be Sociable but Choose Your Communities Wisely

Finding a Community: The Invisibility Syndrome

Awareness: Functioning Successfully in a Community

How to Offer Service to Your Community: Mentorship

Part 3: Just Do It!

Chapter 9: You’re Retired! Now What?

It Takes Strength and Courage to Change

The Six Stages of Retirement

The Importance of Structure

The Importance of Self-Acceptance

The Importance of Purpose

Chapter 10: Giving Back

A Spiritual Legacy

Embedding God’s Word as a Legacy

Generativity

Part 4: A Vision for Change

Chapter 11: Moving Forward

Creating a Vision for Your Life in Retirement

Deep Questions, Hard Work, Simple Answers

Chapter 12: Continuing the Conversation

What We’ve Learned

My Hope for You

An Invitation

About the Author

List of Activities

Chapter 1 Your Life at a Glance

Chapter 2 Waiting on the Lord

Chapter 3 Needs and Values Assessment

Chapter 4 Prayer Journal

Chapter 5 Bucket List

Chapter 6 Goals and Strategies for Health

Chapter 7 Code of Partnership

Chapter 8 Landscape of Life

Chapter 9 Retirement Pro’s and Con’s

Chapter 10 Leaving a Legacy

Chapter 11 Roadmap for Change

Acknowledgements

There are so many people who had a part in Transitioning to Retirement with Courage and Grace that it is hard to know where to begin. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, I believe it takes a community to write a book. I was blessed with an amazing, nurturing, and loving community who got me through.

The patience and support of my husband Jim was invaluable. From cooking dinner to running errands to letting me spend hours in my office writing, he encouraged me to focus and re-write, time after time. He sympathetically listened to my despair that I would ever finish, but he never let me quit.

Our daughter Jill and son-in-law Darrell, and our son Patrick and daughter-in-law Hang graciously listened to what was probably an excessive amount of frustrated complaining intermixed with times of enthusiasm and hope. When I had nothing in my mind to say, they kindly filled in the silence with all the things I so badly needed to hear about their lives and the lives and activities of our grandchildren.

My go-to thoughts when I needed a clearing of my mind and boost to my mood were of our five grandchildren, Julia, Camille, Kelly, Michael, and Jacob. Over the six or more years of my writing, they grew from delightful children to responsible young adults. Time at my computer was interspersed with birthday parties, sports events, proms, graduations, weddings, family trips and all those other activities that are benchmarks of growing up. I could easily have given up in the face of the formidable and never-ending task of writing a book if I had not had the times of celebration and fun with the family.

My sister Linda encouraged me with frequent calls and texts as well as providing a safe place to escape and regain perspective.

I am forever indebted to six wonderful retired women, all of whom were either friends or who became friends in the process as they shared their retirement insights and experiences with me so I could share them with you. Their honesty and transparency added depth and differing viewpoints to Transitioning to Retirement with Courage and Grace. Martha, Carla, Kay, Linda, Susan, and Penny, you know who you are! The book is much stronger because of your input.

Three other dear friends, Marjorie Parker, Ann Work Goodrich, and Anne Harrison read the final draft of Transitioning to Retirement and wrote beautiful endorsements. Their words gave me the confidence that I could actually write a book worth reading. Thank you, Ladies.

To my editor and friend, Dr. Joseph Eckenrode, my deepest appreciation goes to you. Without your kind, patient, and gentle questioning and advice, the book would still be in my computer. You guided me and held me accountable until it was finished.

Introduction

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Facing Retirement

Transitioning to Retirement with Courage and Grace: A Guide for the Christian Woman is the book I wish I had read before I retired. For thirty-three years I was an educational administrator, a career that consumed me. Beginning as a high school principal, I then accepted a position as a district assistant superintendent, and later was hired as an assistant professor in the educational leadership department of a regional university. I thrived on the activity and the pace and the interactions with people. Unfortunately, however, there was no time left over for other interests. I had no hobbies or group associations, and only a handful of close friends. When I retired, my career disappeared along with my schedule, my sense of purpose and accomplishment, and the social structure I had developed in my workplace. I realized I had lost my identity and did not know who I was or where to begin to build a new life for retirement.

During the first few years of retirement, I started writing a journal to record my thoughts and experiences as I navigated through several years of questioning and searching. Then my writing became the framework for this book when I realized other women might be likewise unprepared for the retirement experience. The book is a road map for women who seek God’s guidance in all seasons of their lives and particularly in times of change. It is filled with practical suggestions, pertinent facts, gentle humor, and the transparency of an author who hopes to be seen as a collegial and supportive guide and friend.

You may discover that the notion of retirement in the future has more allure than the reality of it, especially in the beginning. As I wrote, I experimented with strategies that could be used to slip more seamlessly from career to retirement. I wanted to sort out conflicting views about the future and my role in it. Additionally, I highlighted ways to prepare spirit, soul, and body for retirement. I thought through ways to handle the irritations, struggles, and fears that are frequently a part of any life transition. I focused on the impact of change and the importance of structure, and I offered strategies to help make significant and sometimes difficult life changes. Finally, I’ll help identify ways to enrich your retirement experience and pass a legacy forward.

My purpose for writing Transitioning to Retirement with Courage and Grace is to share what I have learned about retirement to guide you through the transition process. My methods for doing this are examples that normalize the emotions experienced when a career-focused life changes almost overnight into a fresh opportunity to create something new and better; through the solid foundation of scripture; through stories about how I traversed the journey; through information gathered from interviews and other literature; and through activities that encourage the self-reevaluation and self-discovery that must occur before you can proactively design your future.

I soon discovered I was not alone in the retirement journey. Across the United States, over 47 million people are currently living in retirement. It became readily apparent to me, however, that despite this huge population of retirees, books on retirement were primarily focused on money and financial planning as opposed to life planning. I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of titles written exclusively for women to guide them toward the creation of an individualized life plan for retirement. Nowhere could I find a book that included the components that I wanted: (1) specifically written for Christian women; (2) based on scripture and biblical principles; (3) informed by a framework of aging and retirement literature and change theory; (4) included real-life examples, stories, and anecdotes to add meaning and vitality to the principles and facts; (5) contained a series of activities and questions that would encourage deep thought, individualize the learning to myself, and lead to the creation of my own retirement plan. Transitioning to Retirement with Courage and Grace: A Guide for the Christian Woman is based on the five points listed above.

The first day after I retired and the alarm clock did not go off, I wandered out through the French doors from our bedroom to the courtyard, cup of coffee in hand. I realized I was completely alone for the first time in a long time. The desert landscape with its seasonal stain of green was warm and quiet on this late spring day. A hummingbird darted around the feeder on the grape arbor, and the first roses of summer climbed their way up the stucco wall. In this peaceful moment, a single thought exploded in my mind: What do I do now?

As I investigated the retirement literature and theory, I realized that all retirees are different and therefore their retirement life plans must be different as well. There is no one size fits all. Because I hoped for this book to allow you to create an individualized retirement life plan, I included a strategically ordered series of activities including topics for reflection, thought questions, activities, surveys, and assessments, to give you additional insight into yourself at this time of life. I knew that after you answered the question who am I now? it would be easier to create a workable retirement plan based on your current reality.

One of the salient sources of information came from a group of six retired women who gave of their time and wisdom through a series of qualitative interviews that unpacked their retirement stories. These women ranged in age from 68 to 74. One had been retired 1.5 years, one had been retired 9 years, and the others fell somewhere in between. They lived in various locations: Ohio, Texas, Oklahoma, New Mexico, and Arizona. Their words were honest, introspective, sometimes humorous, and sometimes not. There was laughter, thoughtful pauses, and even tears. I felt honored that they would share their experiences with me so I could share them with you. They were a pleasure to interview, and the book is much stronger for their input. I am so grateful to each of them.

Planning is a familiar activity for me. I was the assistant superintendent of planning and accountability in one school district; in two other school districts, I was tasked with campus improvement plans; at the university, we worked on five-year and ten-year plans for departments, colleges, and the university. In each of these endeavors, our first job was to examine our current situation, identify goals to be reached based on the demands of our community, the state, or society in general, and then figure out how to get there. What resources did we have? What need in the world could we fill? What was our vision to meet this need? The gap between where you are now and where do you want to be reveals the direction and suggests the steps to get there.

Not only does this plan work in organizations and businesses, but it works in retirement planning, also. A retirement plan is not a wish list or a laundry list of things you want to do. It begins with a deep dive into the real you, a trip you may not have made in a long time. You must first identify the values and principles you hold and the talents and skills you have developed. When you have a good grip on who you are, then the next step is to define your place in the world now. Retirees who are Christians have an advantage over organizational planners who are not because we have the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Where you want to be in retirement will be a combination of your desires and God’s plans for you.

This all sounds good, right? Yet with all the knowledge from bachelors, masters, and doctorate degrees plus the experience that I had accumulated over years in organizational planning, I could not for the life of me figure out where to begin with a retirement plan. Even now, I am still a work in progress. So, we will be taking this journey together. We will teach each other, learn from each other, and make some great friends in the process!

The pathway through retirement is a mini transition that closely resembles the journey through life. The same change and decision-making strategies,