Out of the Darkness

By Valerie Fillmore

Valerie Fillmore has struggled with demonic attacks of fear, anxiety, depression, OCD, and intrusive thoughts. Valerie sought help within her Calvinist Baptist church, only to be led into further bondage by their denial of the existence of spiritual warfare and their condemnation of her thoughts and emotions. Valerie kept seeking the Lord, asking Him to help her understand Him and why she was suffering. She was led by the Lord to a different church where she learned the truth about how the enemy attacks the children of God.

Valerie has fought against the tormenting thoughts in her mind, struggling to determine if the thoughts were hers or those of the enemy. She has learned how to stand on what the Word of God says about who she is. She has learned how to choose to believe God's word despite the powerful thoughts and emotions that were screaming lies to the contrary at her. Valerie has experienced the enemy attacking her about her salvation, causing her to at times doubt if she was even saved. She struggled to believe that God actually loved her and that she was His child. Valerie now knows that God wants her to share her struggles with the world. He wants to show them how we are already free in Christ Jesus and how to walk in that freedom that He has provided and desires for us all to walk in.

What I say to you in the dark (privately), tell in the light (publicly); and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim from the housetops [to many people]. (Matthew 10:27 AMP)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 23, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887512563

Book preview

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Out of the Darkness

Valerie Fillmore

ISBN 979-8-88751-255-6 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88751-256-3 (digital)

Copyright © 2023 by Valerie Fillmore

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Scripture quotation marked AMP. Scripture quotations taken from the Amplified® Bible (AMP), Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. lockman.org

NKJV Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. lockman.org

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

To all those who are suffering from mental torment and despair, I pray that my journey helps you to find your way out of the darkness.

These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. (John 16:33 NKJV)

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1

Entering the Darkness

Chapter 2

Hope in the Lord

Chapter 3

Help! I Am Afraid of the Dark

Chapter 4

A New Day Has Dawned

Chapter 5

Spirit, Soul, and Body

Chapter 6

Faith Is a Part of Grace

Chapter 7

Revelation of God's Love for Me

Chapter 8

Freedom in Christ

Conclusion

About the Author

To all those who are suffering from mental torment and despair, I pray that my journey helps you to find your way out of the darkness.

These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. (John 16:33 NKJV)

Foreword

Anxiety is a large problem that has become more prominent in both the secular and church world. So when Valerie shared with me her vision to write this book, I was rather intrigued.

I have been a pastor for over eight years, and this topic of anxiety affects many more people than you may think. In my years of pastoring, I have talked, counseled, and coached people to overcome these feelings with the help of God.

It should be noted that anyone can experience anxiety in some form. Anxiety does not discriminate. It affects the weak and powerful, the young and the old, and the rich and poor.

However, there is hope! People can overcome their anxieties! Many of the people who have overcome anxiety have done so with faith in God and a plan.

In this book, the author holds nothing back. She reveals her personal experiences with battling anxiety. Valerie carefully lays out a plan and gives experiential help to those looking to overcome their anxiety with the help of God. She reveals how she was able to overcome her daily struggle with anxiety through the core Christian tenants of faith in God and prayer. If you are looking to overcome your anxiety, there are many things that can be learned between the pages of this book for the Christian and non-Christian alike.

With that being said, I would like to leave you with a bible verse quoted in the book that helped to springboard Valerie into victory over her anxieties and hopefully yours as well.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

—Philippians 4:6–7

Steve McCollin, associate pastor of Destiny & Dominion Word Ministries

Acknowledgments

Iwould like to thank my loving husband, Frank, for supporting me during the darkest moments in my life and also during the process of writing this book. Your love means so much more to me than I could possibly express in words.

To my sister Christine, I thank you for always comforting me and praying for me. I appreciate having you to share this journey with.

Thank you to my dearest friends Janice and Candice.

To Janice, I thank you for always taking the time out of your day to talk with me. You always reminded me of how deeply loved by God I was, especially during times when I felt the most terrified and alone. For this, I will always be grateful.

To Candice, I know that the Lord placed you in my life for a reason. I love being able to share my excitement for the things of God with you. Your friendship and encouragement are a blessing to my life.

Introduction

Wow, what a journey my life has been over the past five years. I am excited to share my experience through the darkness of mental illness and the demonic attacks on my life with you. My purpose in writing this book is to share with others how the Lord took me out of the darkness and into His wonderful light.

The Lord revealed to me that He was going to use my deep personal struggles to help others who are feeling alone and are trapped in the bondage of mental illness. In order for the Lord to help others through my struggles, I had to be as transparent as possible. This meant that I had to dig into the darkest part of my life and become as open and honest about the most personal details of my life.

I will share my experience with seeking help within the church. I will share how I was led into further bondage by my involvement with a church that was founded on religious beliefs and no spiritual understanding. My life story will highlight the importance of having an intimate relationship with the Lord.

I now know how to use my authority to fight against the lies of the enemy. My prayer is that by sharing my story, you will see that you're not alone in your struggles. The enemy always wants to convince us that we are alone and that we are doomed. That is one of his many lies. The good news is that Satan has already been defeated! Praise God.

Inasmuch then as the children have partaken of the flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared in the same, that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is, the devil. (Hebrews 2:14 NKJV)

Chapter 1

Entering the Darkness

Iwill begin my story by sharing that I gave my life to the Lord when I was fifteen years old while attending a church youth group. At first I was very eager to share the gospel with everyone whom I met. However, without the support of my family, I soon fell away from church and stopped reading my Bible and no longer prayed daily. I lived a life in the world no different than anyone else who didn't know Jesus. Although my lifestyle was not one that honored God, if there was ever a conversation with unbelievers about salvation, I was quick to defend the gospel. I knew that it was truth and that I was not living a life that was right with God. However, I would quickly put that truth to the back of my mind and go about living my life for myself.

Fast-forward twenty-five years. I had a career that I enjoyed, a husband who loved me, and overall a pretty good life by worldly standards. Five years ago, suddenly out of the blue, I began experiencing fear. Panic and physical pain took over my life. I remember that it started with me waking up in the mornings with a racing heart rate and a sense of dread. In the beginning I was able to convince myself that all this would soon pass and maybe it was simply something hormonal. I was always able to find a reason that would allow me to dismiss the symptoms.

As the days turned into weeks, I was no longer able to convince myself that nothing was wrong. I now began researching all the possibilities that would explain my symptoms. I should now share that a year prior to this, about six years ago, I had my appendix rupture. This medical story begins an anxiety nightmare that would last four years. At the time of my appendix rupture, the ER could not give me a definitive diagnosis of appendicitis from my CT scan, but this was what they suspected as being the cause of my stomach pains and fever. In my fear of surgery for what might not be an appendicitis, I opted to go home on high-dosage antibiotics instead of having my appendix removed. Big mistake! Three days later, I began having sharp chest pains. The pain was so intense that I thought I might be having a heart attack. I was back to the ER, where a CT scan revealed that I had developed a pleural effusion. The doctor thought that since I was already on antibiotics, the medication would also treat the effusion.

A few days later I returned to the ER feeling very unwell. The ER doctor was very dismissive of my complaints, despite my recent history of a possible ruptured appendix and a confirmed pleural effusion. He was about to send me home, but I refused to leave, and I demanded a surgical consultation. After lying on an ER bed for a few hours, a surgeon walked over to me and said that he wanted to order another CT scan. This time it revealed a pelvic abscess and a worsening effusion on my lungs. Blood work also revealed that I had developed sepsis. I was admitted and started on IV antibiotics and monitored for organ failure. I felt very emotionally drained from having to fight for my own health. In my weakened physical state, this seemed to be very unfair. I was actually shocked by the treatment that I was receiving from the very people who were supposed to save my life.

I ended up sharing a hospital room with a lady who had visitors who were praying over her. I spoke up, and I asked them to pray that God would allow me to live. They came over to my bed and began to pray to God for me. I began to feel guilty that I had not been living a life for God, even though I knew the truth about salvation. I remember thinking how could I now come running to God in my time of need and ask Him to spare my life.

The next morning, the lady cleaning our hospital room had gospel music playing on her cell phone, and she was joyfully singing as she cleaned. I began to cry and prayed to God, asking Him to please let me live. A week later I was released without having my appendix removed. I was told that I was too compromised for surgery and that the appendix had already burst and the sepsis was gone. I thanked God for sparing my life, and I went home.

Fast-forward two years. I woke in the middle of