Valiant Warrior: Strength and Hope for Battle-Weary Sufferers of Depression and Chronic Illness

By Anne Saxe

Christians are sometimes ashamed to admit when they are hurting due to depression and/or chronic illness. It may be suggested that a person suffering these maladies is not praying enough, serving enough, or trusting God enough. These beliefs only serve to further isolate a fellow believer who is in pain. This book was written to encourage battle-weary sufferers of depression and chronic illness, to let them know that they are not as alone as they may fear, and to assure them that God will see them through their struggles.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jan 28, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512727746

Anne Saxe

During a prolonged period of darkness marked by illness and severe depression, Anne found herself digging deep into God’s Word and seeking Him as she never had before. She wrote this book because she felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to share her intimate encounters with God and to encourage all of the Valiant Warriors for Christ out there. You are heroes, and Anne hopes that you will find the same strength in the Lord that she has found through her experience. Anne Saxe is a devoted follower of Jesus, and she is passionate for the Word of God. In addition to being an aspiring writer and Bible teacher, she teaches community college geography on a part-time basis. Anne resides in Tennessee with her husband, son, and pet bunny.

Book preview

ANNE SAXE

VALIANT

Warrior

Strength and Hope for Battle-Weary Sufferers

of Depression and Chronic Illness

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Copyright © 2016 Anne Saxe.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission. NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® and NIV® are registered trademarks of Biblica, Inc. Use of either trademark for the offering of goods or services requires the prior written consent of Biblica US, Inc.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5127-2773-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-2775-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-2774-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016901070

WestBow Press rev. date: 01/27/2016

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

1 What’s in a Name?

2 Guard Your Heart

3 Remembering the Sabbath

4 Pushing the Pause Button

5 The Lord Hears Your Prayer

6 The Dilemma of Suffering

7 More Than Manna

8 Courage in Battle: Keep Calm and Carry On

9 Am I Salty?

10 Battle Fatigue

11 Faith Like a Child

12 Finding Joy

13 On Solid Ground

14 It’s a Lie

15 Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

16 Relentless

17 Speak Life

18 The Mind of Christ

19 The Narrow Gate

20 Choose Life

21 The Waiting Game

22 A Gentle Whisper

23 Who Is in the Battle with You?

24 Complete Dependence

25 True Freedom

26 Am I All In?

27 Letting Go

28 Popcorn Prayers

29 A Bold Prayer

30 Finally, Be Strong in the Lord

Conclusion

Appendix: The Truth about Depression

I love you, LORD, my strength.

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;

my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,

my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

You, LORD, keep my lamp burning;

my God turns my darkness into light.

With your help I can advance against a troop;

with my God I can scale a wall.

As for God, his way is perfect:

The LORD’s word is flawless;

he shields all who take refuge in him.

For who is God besides the LORD?

And who is the Rock except our God?

It is God who arms me with strength

and keeps my way secure.

He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;

he causes me to stand on the heights.

He trains my hands for battle;

my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

You make your saving help my shield,

and your right hand sustains me;

your help has made me great.

—Psalm 18:1–2, 28–35 (NIV)

Preface

You’re not like other people, my therapist who was treating me for major depressive disorder explained after I shared with her that I had just been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Hearing her say those words was both a relief and a fear being realized. On the one hand, I had long suspected I did not fit in with the so-called normal mainstream of society, and this was now being validated by a mental health professional. At the same time, my newly diagnosed uniqueness was disconcerting, scary, and meant a potentially lonely future. I was a misfit, an anomaly, and an outlier. But at long last I felt I had permission to take a deep breath and let all the balls I was trying to keep in the air just drop, to turn my attention inward and look at what I needed to be comfortable and even to thrive and be joyful in this world. No longer could I continue to do and be what everyone else does and is (at least in my limited Orange County, California, perception of what the normal people are and do). I was getting off of the hamster wheel for good.

I decided to write this book because I imagine there must be other battle-weary people who would like to know that there are many of us who are worn from fighting the good fight. I pray that knowing you’re in good company will comfort you. We are brothers and sisters united in our struggle to face and overcome the challenges and obstacles our chronic physical and/or mental illnesses present to us. But even for those of us who don’t suffer from these maladies, trying to stand strong in our pursuit of Jesus Christ and to be faithful soldiers in the Lord’s army fighting the battle to uphold righteousness in a fallen world is an overwhelming mission. You are not alone!

This is not a book about supplements, a ten-step plan, three-steps to changing your thinking, four keys to a healthier you, lists that will change your world, therapies for building your best self, affirmations, top ten exercises, healing techniques, the power of positive thinking, psychoanalysis, pills, medicines, or any other unique natural or synthetic cure for depression and/or chronic illness. My hope is that you will find something I had such a difficult time finding among the general population and even among many therapists, health care professionals, friends, and family members: a genuine understanding of and empathy for a person who is not like other people because of mental and/or physical illness. Let’s be realistic. It’s not very reasonable to expect others who haven’t experienced these conditions to truly understand what it’s like to live with them. Nevertheless, we can do our best to communicate about our illnesses and educate the important people in our lives as to what we’re feeling and going through.

My objective in writing this book is to help those afflicted with depression and chronic illness find validation and comfort from a fellow sufferer’s experiences. In addition, I hope that whatever wisdom I have gained through my efforts to get well and to seek the Lord through my illnesses will encourage you and give you renewed hope and strength to go forward with the business of living.

Acknowledgments

Thank You, God, for inspiring me to write this book! You have given me the words to write and the courage to share them. I pray that this labor of love will give You glory and that it may help someone who may be feeling desperate, worn, and alone. Thank You for giving me the strength to go on when I thought it impossible, for carrying me through the dark periods of my life, and for making it all worthwhile in the end.

I also want to thank my husband, Chris, for encouraging me and supporting me through every step of this process. I so appreciate you being there for me through my bouts of depression and sickness. I know that the changes my illness brought represented a loss for you too. Thank you for being so patient and understanding. I love you more today than I did on the day we were married!

Special thanks to my pastor, Jeff Priess, and the amazing men and women from Mariner’s Ocean Hills for cheering me on in my writing. Your encouragement and prayers have meant so much to me. Thanks for being such wonderful godly examples in my life!

Introduction

I can’t pinpoint exactly when my struggle with depression began. Was I born with it? Is it a condition I developed because of experiences I had during my childhood? Is my personality just one of those that is naturally predisposed toward the disorder? Is it a combination of some or all of the above? Only the Lord knows the answer.

My childhood was what most people would consider normal. My parents were happily married, strong Catholics with good morals. They weren’t alcoholics or drug addicts, they didn’t abuse me, and they often told me they loved me. In other words, I was born into a safe and stable family.

I was five years old when I experienced my first major trauma. My younger sister was severely burned in an accident. Understandably, my parents’ attention was diverted toward my sister and her medical care. Neighbors, family friends, and extended family members took care of me often during this time period, and I recall feeling very confused about what was happening. On the day the accident occurred, a neighbor observing me remarked, She doesn’t understand, when she saw me looking lost and asking why my mom was crying. Though I was very young, I desperately wished someone would have explained to me in five-year-old language what was going on.

In my quest to obtain the attention I yearned for during those years, I sought out validation and recognition from other adults and authority figures, primarily teachers. I found it quite easy to receive attaboys from educators because I was a good student and loved learning. Friends also played an increasingly important part in affirming me and making me feel accepted and loved. This is generally the case as kids reach adolescence, but with me, the influence of peers was profound.

As I reached early adolescence, my feelings about God and the church also started to change. Up through sixth grade, I religiously applied the principles and practices of my faith to the best of my ability. In fact, I felt so strongly about keeping the Sabbath that at one point in my youth, I wouldn’t even make my bed on Sundays, so firmly did I believe that no work should be done on the Lord’s Day! I said the Rosary regularly, and I swore to my friends that I would never lie to my parents, take drugs, or have sex before I was married. But by the time I reached age seventeen, I would have broken all three promises to myself, and the religious rituals I once practiced were long gone.

During my childhood years, I had rather successfully taken a positive track to feed my need for love, attention, and recognition. My teenage years, however, were filled with rebellion and self-destructive behaviors that were, ironically, the means I used to feel better about myself. It became apparent during this period that I was not the average teen having a bit of an identity crisis and just trying to find my way. I had a serious void in my soul, and I was going to get it filled however I could. I had no way of knowing at the time that I was suffering from major depressive disorder and that it would drive me to the abyss of despair before I would seek out and eventually find what I had unknowingly been searching for for so long.

I turned to partying and men as a means of escaping from my own emptiness. I ran with a faster and more dangerous crowd as time went on, though I still managed to function in the real world between drinking binges. I earned both bachelor’s and master’s degrees and started my career in education, teaching sixth graders full-time and community college part-time. I tried to participate