Choosing Stillness, Knowing Love: A Daily Plan for Adults and Children to Practice the Presence of God, Maintain Overall Health, and Develop Compassion Toward Self and Others

By Christine Dixon

Often our default is to turn for guidance to external sources rather than connecting to the God-given Spirit of Love within us. We may effectively forfeit our direct connection to God and become dependent on outside authorities, causing our spiritual roots to remain shallow and insecure. Choosing Stillness, Knowing Love offers a practical daily plan that makes connecting to the Spirit of God personal and tangible. Through guided journaling, awareness, and stillness exercises, this book encourages the reader to develop the habit of creating space to listen to the still, small voice of God. This leads to deeper roots that result in healing, wisdom, and a natural production of the fruit of the Spirit. This book is designed to focus on one person at a time, one moment at a time.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jun 3, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512742480

Christine Dixon

Food and Drink Columnist for Cottage Magazine.Sold over 60 magazine articles.Currently studying book publishing at Ryerson University.

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© 2016 Christine Dixon.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission." (www.Lockman.org)

Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

WestBow Press

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-4247-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4249-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4248-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016907900

WestBow Press rev. date: 6/3/2016

Contents

Preface

Introduction

Part 1 Preparation: B.R.I.M.

Breathing

Relaxation

Intention

Meditation

Part 2 Observation: S.T.E.P.

Senses

Thoughts

Emotions

Pictures

Part 3 Inspiration: P.E.A.C.E.

Prayer

Enemy-Love

Asking for Wisdom

Compassion

Embrace

Conclusion

Appendix 1: Group Discussion Questions

Appendix 2: Plan for Accelerated Learning or Teaching of the Stillness Practice

Acknowledgments

End Notes

For Brian, my husband:

For lighting up when I walk in the room, for holding my hand as we ride the waves of life together, for exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit every single day, and for truly loving me as Christ loves the church.

Be Still and Know that I Am God.

Psalm 46:10

Preface

This book is a result of my very personal journey through the wilderness of pain, loss, and suffering. It is an offering of hope. Choosing to soften rather than harden, to open rather than close, and to remain in love in the midst of trials leads to a richer, deeper life. Along my path, I had to throw out unhelpful baggage, test long held beliefs, and heed new sign posts. The life-giving lessons I have learned in this process are not something I want to keep to myself. My desire is to share them with all who have the ears to hear, that you too may join me on this pilgrim’s journey.

What seeds grew into this book?

My unhealthy first marriage

My first marriage had some wonderful moments and produced two boys for whom I would not trade the world, but it was often characterized by episodes of rage, dysfunctional boundaries, and frequent abandonment. My first husband and I were caught in a vicious cycle in which our pathologies played upon one another. His pain caused him to have a need to control at any cost, and my pain caused me to be easily controlled by fear and shame. I remember feeling desperately helpless and alone with no sense of God’s presence. I was in my own living hell.

One day I found myself curled up in a ball on the cold asphalt of the street weeping, and I knew I had come to the end of myself. I felt as if I had been filled to the brim with poison, and if I did not get help, that poison would spew out of me onto my children. This was the worst possible scenario I could imagine. I had the realization that I had no control over my first husband. The only person I could control was myself. I did not know how I would do it, but I made a commitment in that moment to pursue health and wholeness as if my life and my children’s lives depended on it. It would be three years before I was healthy and courageous enough to leave my first marriage.

My studious nature

Both of my parents modeled a love for reading. My father was always pouring over a new book and discussing it with family and friends, and I was greeted every morning by my mother sitting in the recliner with a well-highlighted Bible on her lap. From an early age, I developed a love for books, study, and depth of insight. Thus, along with counseling and journaling, a large part of my pursuit of wholeness involved reading hundreds of books on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. I gradually began to adopt and accumulate practices that led to significant self-awareness and God-awareness. I learned to test and approve theories and exercises by the fruits they produced in me.

My first husband’s death by suicide

The person my first husband abused more than me was himself. He had immense pain that he did not know how to honor and transform. He acted out and then hated himself for it. I began to realize that at the root of his abuse toward self and others was deep shame and fear that he was unworthy of love. In turn, I struggled with this same sense of self-loathing. As I gradually began to find peace and stability in my identity as the beloved child of a good God, I started to wonder if there was a way to help others find security in their own beloved-ness so that this kind of tragedy could be prevented.

About a month after my first husband took his life, I was in my bed weeping in anguish and screaming, Where is he? Where is he? How could someone be here one moment and not be here the next? At once I felt a deep peace wash over me and a very clear, though inaudible, message came to me saying, He is with me. He did not know how much I loved him, but now he knows fully. Do not fear, child. He is with me.

My frustration with theory not based in practice

Over the years I read and listened to pastors, teachers, and professionals with all kinds of wonderful ideas. What I wanted more than anything, though, was something practical. I could quote verses and list the fruits of the Spirit, but I wanted to do something. I wanted to practice soaking my roots in the Spirit so that tangible fruits would develop in my life. I began gathering practices from a wide array of sources and creating my own daily mental, emotional, and spiritual health hygiene. Again, if the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control¹) resulted from a practice, then I kept it. If things like fear, shame, jealousy, or resentment resulted, then I threw it out.

My experience as an Educational Therapist

For eighteen years I have worked one-on-one with children and parents to help them understand their learning strengths and weaknesses. People often ask me what the difference is between a tutor and an Educational Therapist. I explain that while a tutor teaches someone what to learn, an Educational Therapist teaches them how to learn. A tutor focuses on the leaves of the tree while an Educational Therapist focuses on the roots. The goal in Educational Therapy is to wean the student from dependency on the therapist by giving them the tools to thrive on their own.

As I learned more and more about emotional and spiritual health in my personal life, I began to see that we are all very integrated beings. I could not fully help my students by focusing on their mental processing while ignoring their physical, emotional, and spiritual health. As I began to incorporate practices in my therapy sessions that treated the whole person, I saw not only vast changes in my students’ ability to succeed academically, but I also witnessed an increase in their overall ability to adjust to the general ups and downs of life. Thus, my desire for this book is to come alongside you in a very holistic way; not to tell you what to learn but how to learn from the precious life you have been given.

My faith journey

Though I have many wonderful memories of family and community associated with the Christian faith of my early years, it was the sort of faith that was prescriptive, with an answer for everything, and distrust for the deep intuitions of the human experience. As my life began to take turns that did not fit neatly into such a prescribed ideal, however, holes appeared in my faith. This was a very scary time for me, but I look back on it as a great gift. Once my box was blown apart, I was able to seek God in a way I had not allowed myself before.

A few pivotal experiences occurred around the time I left my first husband. On the day I left, I was afraid for my life and had to use a neighbor’s phone to call a pastor. The pastor’s response was that, if I knew my husband was volatile, then I should not have done something to make him so angry. I hung up the phone and called the police. It was a police officer, who had seen more than enough domestic violence cases, who looked me in the eye and said in a calming voice, Know that you are doing the right thing. Leaving is not just best for you and your children. Setting clear limits is also best for your husband. It is not in his best interest to treat you the way he does. In the coming days, weeks, and months you will experience great grief at the loss of your family. Do not let that make you return to a destructive cycle. Be strong. I often describe that officer, who brought such calm into a raging storm, as a guardian angel.

A few days later, after my boys and I came out of hiding, I heard a loud knock on the back door. It was late at night and I was terrified. I asked who it was and heard, It’s me, the pastor. I timidly cracked open the door. He handed me a thick manila envelope and left. When I opened the packet, I read the title, Why it is NEVER Okay to Divorce. I had an immediate visceral reaction. My body fell to the floor and I began to weep. Though it felt deeply painful at the time, I look back and see this as a glorious moment. I had already come to the end of myself, but I also needed to come to the end of my compulsive desire to please man. I knew in that instant that it was just me and God and that I must learn to filter the opinions of men so that I could hear God’s voice more clearly.¹

That experience led me toward a path of freedom. For the first time I really allowed myself to ask questions, to wrestle with scripture that troubled me, and to test and approve all doctrines and practices. Over many years, I went through the vulnerable stage of deconstructing my faith. Later I entered a more hopeful and ever-continuing reconstruction phase. I no longer feel like a boat tossed by the waves. My faith is like a deeply rooted tree, ever expanding and fed by love.

My hope is that the message and practices in this book can help those on a similar journey. Perhaps you find yourself confined to a man-made box, but you feel ready to explode from suppressing authentic questions and concerns. Maybe you are disillusioned by anything overtly religious or spiritual, because you have experienced the destructive nature of the human ego masquerading as God’s truth. Perhaps you are in the angry and reactionary phase of deconstruction, or you are on the other side digging roots, laying new foundations, and sifting to find true gems. I offer hope that this arduous task of making your faith your own is well worth it. When our faith is built on rock instead of sand, the inevitable waves of life are not as intimidating. By careful observation and experience, we can learn what foundation will hold firm, and we can choose again and again to reside there.

My trust in the goodness of the Spirit of Love

I fully trust you with the ideas and practices in this book, because I fully trust the spirit of God/Love that lives within you. You may not be completely aware of it or have connected to this Spirit lately, but my hope is to help you learn how to turn your face toward this source of love again and again. In our genuine pursuit of God, we find that His spirit has been fully present around and in us all along. We just needed eyes to see it. I have faith that you too can learn to test and approve all doctrines and practices by the fruits they produce. There is no need for fear.

Introduction

A few of my core beliefs:

I thought it might be helpful before beginning the book, to let you, dear reader, in on some of the foundational beliefs that shape my ideas and inform my perspective. Hopefully you will be less apt to raise your eye brows, for example, every time I write God/Love and you wonder, Why doesn’t she just write ‘God’? Here are a few of my most deeply held beliefs:

God is Love

As an Educational Therapist, I often talk with my student’s parents. One day a parent who I knew identified as an atheist came to me with a serious question. She said, Christine, I respect you so much and think you are very intelligent. How can you possibly believe in God? I smiled and said, Well, do you believe in anything that is greater than yourself? She thought for a moment and said, Yes, I believe in love. My face lit up and I sighed, Ahhh…Love…Yes, that is my favorite name for God!

Many books have been written in an effort to prove the existence of God. For me, the greatest evidence of God is the presence of love. Whenever I see someone commit a selflessly loving act, I believe I am witnessing God. Jesus’ beloved disciple, John, clearly states, God is Love.² I believe deeply rooted love is the source of all life, health, and security. This is why I will often write God/Love. I write God for those who have become very attached to those three letters and I write Love for those who have become very disillusioned with those three letters. My hope is to convey that God cannot be contained within any word. Love means nothing if it is not experienced. Some may feel threatened by this, others relieved, but my desire within this book is to encourage you to experience the presence of God/Love and not just talk about Him or Her. (I also do not believe God’s spirit has a gender, by the way, though I will write He for convenience sake.)

I rather like the ancient Hebrew tradition of never speaking the name of God, because He cannot possibly be contained within any word. It seems we must either have a trillion names for God or none at all. Most labels are quite confining and aid in the production of our boxes. They effectively keep us from experiencing something that cannot possibly be described with words (except perhaps through poetic metaphor—that magical vehicle through which we can describe things that cannot be described in words, with words!). I have many, many names for God. Love is my personal favorite.

God is good

I lived for four years in Istanbul, Turkey. As I walked through the neighborhood bazaar one day, I realized that, if what I believed about God was true, essentially all of my neighbors would be heading for eternal torment once they died. This deeply disturbed me. I saw that my neighbors, a vast majority Muslim, were just like me—trying to care for their families and make the most of their lives. If my salvation was not gained by anything I did to deserve it, then why was theirs? I struggled with the thought, How could I possibly be more merciful than God? I stood at a crossroads. It was not enough for me to simply believe in the existence of God. It mattered greatly what I believed about the nature of God’s character. If I did not believe God was good—not just to me but to everyone—I could not possibly worship Him with a genuine heart. I decided that day that I believed God was good. This meant that, if some doctrine did not support this ultimate quality of God, then I would have to wrestle with it.

It has been said that insight occurs when something we believe transforms into something we know. I believed in my head that day that God was good. Since that day, however, the idea of God’s goodness has been tested and approved in my experience. I have tasted enough of its fruit (even in great suffering) for God’s goodness to be deeply rooted in my heart. Likewise, in Spanish there are two words for the verb to know. Saber means to know facts about something while conocer means to know something more intimately—like a person or a place you’ve explored. Through experience we move from knowing about God (saber) to knowing God (conocer).

The God I have come to know, like the wide-armed running father in the parable of the prodigal son, endlessly and