The Girl from Tompkins Projects

By Cynthia Brown Morgan

This story is about the life of a girl who grew up in the Tompkins projects in Bedford Stuyvesant, Brooklyn. She enjoyed life with her family, joining her family for holiday fun, going on picnics, and enjoying the summer fun. Her teenage years were moving fast. She gets married to her childhood sweetheart, Leonard Brown, and life quickly changes from fun to the life of drugs and trying to hide their secret drug life. Drugs and death prove to be too much, but how did she survive?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Newman Springs Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 26, 2023
• ISBN: 9781684988297

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Dreams and Nightmares

Living Life in Tompkins as a Child

Boom Boxes

My Funny Valentine

Honor to Lady, Our Tompkins President

Crusty-Feet Man

Public School

My Gift of Writing Put on Hold

The Dumb Shit Kids Do

She Deserved Better

A Broken Disaster

Going Too Far

Sex and the Bathroom

Stealing the Show

I Should Have Paid Attention

You're a Beast

Smack Me, and I'll Smack You Back

We Are Family

Pacific Street

What a Big Heart

Overloaded Heart of Love

Is My Daddy Dead?

The Smell of Christmas

Hit and Run

Growing up a Little Too Fast

Gone Too Soon

He's a Little Hero

Unintentional

I'm So Sorry, Little One

You're Not a Mistake

You Doggone Bitch

You and Your Mama Can Get Some

The Good Times

The Myrtle and Willoughby Train Station

Neighborhood Kids

Till Death Do Us Part

Flushing Meadows Park

Should Have Minded My Own Business

The Abyss of Darkness

The Eyes Are Open

The Magic Garden

The Unexpected

Deaths Beginning

The Kidnapping

For Your Protection, Nannie Morgan

Knock-Knock, I'm Back

She Speaks

The Deep Dive

Fire!

Pecan Man

Lights Out

Don't Try to Pimp Me Out

You're Such a Sucker

Who Am I?

Home Sweet Home

Kriss Kross Jump, Jump

His Final Smile

The Attack

Officer, You Can Keep Me

Down in the Hole

Home Sweet Home

Another Black Man Framed

Not Guilty

Just like I Saw It

Here We Go Again

His Good and Bad Days

I Never Asked, Why Me?

Last Man Standing

What the Fuck Is Going On!

Dreams Do Come True

To the Readers, Let's Talk

About the Author

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The Girl from Tompkins Projects

Cynthia Brown Morgan

Copyright © 2023 Cynthia Brown Morgan

All rights reserved

First Edition

NEWMAN SPRINGS PUBLISHING

320 Broad Street

Red Bank, NJ 07701

First originally published by Newman Springs Publishing 2023

ISBN 978-1-68498-828-0 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-68498-829-7 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

I dedicate this book to my kids, sister, nieces, nephews, grandkids. You are the beat to my heart.

Acknowledgments

To my grandmother Nannie Morgan. You were the true matriarch of our family. You were the only grandparent we ever knew. What the women in the family don't realize is this… Strength, love, and care were taught by you and then passed down from each generation of women. You were a loving, selfless, encouraging, giving, confident, and strong woman. You were a single mom who raised two sons. You endured so much in your life, and looking at your face in my memory, I would not have known what you experienced. I never saw you cry or sad. You were a resilient woman. You were a woman who held her crown for the strength of a woman. Without you, Mommy would not have known what entails being a woman. You raised her as if she was your daughter. Thank you. RIP, my guardian angel.

To my mom and dad. Mom, you were hard on me. I understood some of your teachings, and some I disagreed with. And I changed some of your teachings to suit my family. You still did a wonderful job, and you did your best. I take responsibility for my downfalls. I wish you could see the woman I am still growing into and what I'm accomplishing. You would be truly proud of me.

Daddy, I saw how you treated Mommy. You gave to her as well as she gave to you. Your love was amazing. You gave your children all of what they needed and some of what they wanted. Our needs were greater, and you met them all. You both loved your kids despite what we thought at times or felt. I watched your love and learned what bonds a relationship. Your love is a family recipe. I know you wanted me to be a lawyer, but God had other plans for me. I'm doing what I was born to do. I put alphabet letters together and turn them into words of inspiration for others. Thank you for all you did for me. I will always love and appreciate you both. SIP, Daddy and Mommy.

To my four siblings in heaven—James Morgan II, Denise Morgan Hagans Ferguson, Patricia Morgan Brown, and Alvin Morgan. I lost the four of you all too soon. I treated you all differently because you all were different, but I loved you all the same. I often wonder what life would have been like with you all if you would have lived. I believe one is taken to the heavens above to give strength to someone they love. I just had to pay attention to how your deaths would change my life. I miss you all so much. I never said goodbyes when you left. What I did say to you all was, I'll see you when I get there. SIP, my loves.

To my first love, the man I was married to for thirty years and in a relationship with for thirty-nine years. My heart broke into literally a thousand pieces when you died. What I had with you was so very special and unique. So many people looked up to the loving relationship we built together. You were never afraid to show your love for me in front of family, friends, and strangers. We conquered rainstorms, hurricanes, and tsunamis together. We waded through rough waters, but we found a way to keep our heads above the powerful current that was throwing us up against the rocks of life, trying to pull us down with it. We swam up and out to the other side of the storms where the current was stable, and we managed not to drown. Neither would we ever allow the other to drown from the pain of life. You and I were friends before we became lovers. I appreciated your friendship. You became a better husband, and I a better wife as we grew. No one is perfect. You were a good son, father, brother, grandfather, brother-in-law and uncle and friend to many. I think all the family would give you a thumbs-up. You have friends and family who still speak about you. I would ask for a few do-overs if it was possible, but do-overs are never possible. Your death broke me, and then it resulted in me finding myself and gave me a multitude of gratitude and strength. I am stronger, braver, bigger in heart, prouder, and more independent because of you. Thank you for leaving the memory of telling me to write my story. Your kids, nieces, nephews, siblings, grandkids, and I miss you. You were the last man standing. SIP, Lenny B. (my first babe).

To my kids. Chavonne, I want to thank you for all the times you took care of me after multiple surgeries. You are my daughter first, but you are one of my best friends. You finally figured it out. Age is just a number that says how long you have been living. Age doesn't say you can't fulfill a lifelong dream. Do your damn thing, girl! I'm so proud of you, Nurse Chavonne.

Leonard, I couldn't be prouder of you for changing your life. Mommy thought she was going to die of a heart attack from raising you. You got your life together. I watched you dive off the mountain and into the ocean of faith and make the biggest life change ever. Your wisdom of life reminds me of myself. You're going to do big things. Some saw your move as abandonment. Was it abandonment, or was it saving your life and a lifetime of pain for others? I think you know the answer. Your son will return. Just keep doing what you're doing, never give up, and never give in.

Zinga, thank you for being in my son's corner and one of his rocks and for helping him make that transition. I will love you forever.

Romeo, you were always a little man since you were a child, and now you're my grown, responsible man, always taking on challenges and helping others who cannot help themselves or someone who just needs an extra hand or push. Keep doing what you're doing. Baby boy, keep your head up. Life gets better. Smile more; you're responsible for your own joy. You're funny and talented, so go get what's yours. I'm telling you, it's waiting for you. Go stand on your stage, make the world laugh, and jump off the mountain and into the ocean of faith with your brother and sister.

Ariel (Tiffany), you were a handful. You have always been smart. You have grown to become an independent, responsible woman. You have put a smile on my face. You were born with strikes against you, and you overcame them all. When things get rough, just think of how lucky you are; most kids have one mom but you have two. And you had a dad who loved, cared, and taught you.

The four of you are my kids, but you are all my broke best friends. There's nothing we don't talk about, and the laughs we have are hilarious. You get on my last nerves at times, and I know I'm your pain in the ass. It's okay; it's part of life with parents and kids. Remember, watch how you say things to others. It's not what you say but how you say it and present it and your tone in it. Always have your own. God, bless the child who has their own.

To my nieces and nephews. If I had a choice to do life over, would I trade any of you? Not a chance in hell. Would I trade any of your friends who I now take as my nieces and nephews? Not a chance. You are the best family any woman can ask for. If I had to call on some of you, I know you would come without any questions asked. I have called for favors from some of you to help me with a project, and you chipped in. For the ones who reach out and call just to check on me and say hello, thank you. For the ones who support my #Cynthia's Good Morning!! World!!! on Facebook and Instagram, I love and appreciate your support. Thank you all for loving me and being true to who you are. I have nothing but love for you.

To my seven grandkids. You know I love and adore you all. I enjoy life with you. I have so much fun and laughter with you. I hope and pray you all will fulfill your lifelong dreams. Please further your educations and go to college. There is nothing you can't do. But remember this… There are a lot of things in life you should do and many things you shouldn't do. Be careful of the bad temptations in life. Temptations are carried in the hands of others. Live your life to the fullest. Make your dreams come true, travel, and don't just exist…live. Never allow anyone to put a battery in your back and crank you up. I love you all with every breath and fiber in my body.

To my goddaughter Wishema. You beat so many odds as a baby, and you're still beating the odds. Allow overcoming your challenges and your daughter Mariah to be your strength. Life will always be a challenge and have roadblocks. Sometimes you will be able to get around the blocks, and sometimes you have to put on headgear and body armor just to run through the shit. Never give up and never give in. I love you.

To my cousin Dellie. You gave me my first books on how to become an author and a publisher. Thank you for believing in me.

To my BFFs Chantal, Irene, and Diane. Did you think I would forget you? No way! Thank you for being my ride-or-die chicks. We don't have to talk every day to know we love one another and have one another's backs. Thanks for being there for me in my hardest times. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you ladies. I love you three ladies so much!

Uncle Teddy, you were my dad's best friend. You were there before I was born. I'm fifty-nine, and you still are a major positive force in my life. I enjoy our talks on the phone. Thank you for remaining in my family life and being there for Mommy before she became sick and in her final days. You proved to be more than a best friend to my parents; you are our family and uncle. I realized I didn't add you into my acknowledgments, so I added you in. And in less than half an hour, I found out you had passed away. I now have another angel watching over me. SIP, Uncle Teddy. I'll love you always.

To my brother, Samuel Simpson (Sneed). You are one driven young man. You are unstoppable. When we met several years ago at your barbershop, little did we know our relationship would grow into a loving friendship. You are definitely an entrepreneur for the younger and older generations. Keep guiding and teaching as many young people as you can. I believe you can't just be a teacher; you have to be a student also. We stop our growth when we stop being the student. I was paying attention to your lessons also. You are a student at times, but you are a teacher to many. You became my teacher. I love you forever, li'l brother.

To all my friends and acquaintances. Book your appointment at his barbershop, Strikly Skillz, in Hollis, Queens. You will not be disappointed. It's more than a barbershop. It's a brother- and sisterhood.

To the current and former staff at St. Martin de Porres. Thank you for all your help. You believed in me and kept me believing in myself. I have a special shout-out to Ms. Fullerton, Mrs. Charles, and a previous staff member—Mrs. Shore. The three of you were my rocks. You pushed me, and we spent time talking about my abilities to go further in life. You constantly reminded me of what a good person I was and that I deserved the best of everything in life. Mrs. Fullerton and Mrs. Charles, I have to thank you ladies separately. Thanks for allowing me to cry my heart out to you. Losing so much was hard for me. You were a part of my support group who kept me from going back down the rabbit hole. Thank you, ladies. You helped change my life. Mr. Bruce Clifton, you became more than my husband's counselor; you were his friend. Thank you for being there for him, and thank you for remaining in my life.

To my Tompkins family. We had fun and loving times together. Some of you will relate to some of my story. If you relate, I hope your life is now on the road to success.

To my last living sibling, Lorraine Morgan. You thought I forgot about you? How could I? You're the only one I have left. I treasure you like a diamond in the rough. If I have ever hurt you in any way, it was not intentional. I didn't realize it, or it was your perception of me wanting to hurt you. I love you too much to bring any harm to your heart. Know this: I would die for you. That's all I have to say. Love you, li'l sis.

To everyone who has entered my life—might it be acquaintances, coworkers, or strangers I had a conversation with. You have all greatly impacted my life, whether it was good or bad. It has been my experiences of people, places, and things that have taught me and brought me this far. I thank you also.

Anthony Ross, I left you for last. Truth be told, I didn't walk into your life; you walked into my world. My world is my heart, and my heart is as big as this universe. So I hope you're ready for liftoff. I was holding myself back from writing my story. You pushed me to write it. You knew I had something to say. I had a gift in me to give to the world. You have told me I taught you a lot. You taught me a lot also. You pushed me to finish what my husband was unable to finish; you got me to start writing again. Your words to me were I'm going to put my foot on your neck until you write your story. I wrote because I had a story to be told, and you have a heavy foot. You have become one of my best friends, and I will love you for eternity. Thank you for the push.

Introduction

Hello, everyone. I struggled with myself, asking, Should I tell my story and release my demons? My intention is to tell my story and cause no harm to anyone in my family, friends, and acquaintances (living or deceased).

I am a Brooklyn project girl, and I originally come from the projects in Bedford-Stuyvesant—the Tompkins projects. Yes! Bed-Stuy, do or die…

So come with me on my journey, and I'll tell you my story…because we all have one. There's a saying that goes Don't air out your dirty laundry in public, so I won't. I'll air them out on these pages. You're going to judge me or love me, but either way, I'll make sure you'll always remember me. Only God can judge me. After reading my book, I hope you will walk away with insight, wisdom, and knowledge and pass this book down to the younger generations. I want to keep them from making major mistakes. I want to show anyone who has a drug, alcohol, or any other addiction that they can defeat the beast in them and the monkey on their back. My intention is to help someone learn from my mistakes before they create too many of their own. My mistakes are entwined with the mistakes of others. I will show my good, bad, and ugly side. At the end of my story, you will see that the mean streets were the beast, and God redirected a Black queen.

If you can defeat drug, alcohol, verbal, and physical abuse and the pain of being broken from losing loved ones and broken relationships and come out on the other side, standing, there will be not much in life that will come along that you can't conquer, overcome, and gain strength from. You can overcome life's hard pit stops. Pain is not meant to break a person. In the end, I was restored by my pain and became stronger.

It was hard for me to look into a mirror at myself. This beautiful Black queen's crown wasn't crooked; it had fallen off.

I hope to save a life or two with my story, and that alone is worth airing my dirty laundry out on these pages.

I have changed the names of the innocent to protect them, or I'm using no names at all.

Don't always want to be the teacher; learn to become a student. Just be aware of what the teachers are teaching you and what you're learning from the streets.

The circumstances I created in my life broke me in many ways. Allow me to give you some advice. Take a page from each person's story. Take the positive pages and compare it to the negative pages. Ball the negative pages up, throw them in the garbage, and run like hell.

We moved to Tompkins when I was two years old from the Fort Greene projects. I came from a two-parent home. I had five siblings—two brothers and three sisters. My parents' home on the weekend was where a lot of family, friends, and neighbors enjoyed being…919 Myrtle Avenue, apartment 12M—the Morgans. Apartment 12M was the shit!

Dreams and Nightmares

I had recurring dreams as a child. I'm going to tell you about three dreams. The worst one was the one with my entire family running in a dark tunnel. My grandmother, mom, dad, and four older siblings would be running in front, and my younger sister Laura and I would always be running behind them. They would slowly disappear one by one into the darkness. I would be holding her hand as tight as I could and yelling, Don't let go of my hand, do you hear me! She would never answer me. At some point, she would wiggle her hand free. I was trying to hold on to her, but she would always slip from my grasp and start to run in front of me. I would yell, Don't leave me, Laura, wait for me! I would feel something reaching for us in the dark, but I wouldn't let it touch me. I would keep running and would be crying and screaming as I tried to catch up with her. Then she'd be gone. Everyone in my family would be gone; they would have all disappeared into the tunnel, and I would not be able to catch them. I couldn't see them or feel their presence. They had all left me all alone. I would keep running until I awoke. I would pull my cover over my head, ball up in the fetal position, and cry. The loneliness felt real. It caused my heart to ache and beat fast. I would have this dream for years.

In my second dream, I would be talking with my friends at the back of my building in the projects. I would run, and my feet would lift off the ground. I would be flying so graciously in the blue skies. My friends would be cheering me on, and I would smile and wave at everyone. I would start coming down for my landing. I would be gliding, but suddenly I would be descending too fast; my landing would be out of control. My arms would be extended, but I wouldn't be able to control