Another One Bites The Dust: I Couldn't Make It Up If I Tried

By Tammy Taylor

Another One Bites the Dust is deliciously authentic, and at times, raw and incredibly transparent. Tammy Taylor invites the readers on her journey as she navigates being single, saved, and dating in an ever-evolving culture. The poignant vignettes and practical tips are sure to challenge, inspire, and bring you joy to your day. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tammy Taylor
• Release date: May 24, 2019
• ISBN: 9781733830218

Tammy Taylor

Tammy Taylor is an illustrator who enjoys drawing children’s books and manga-style comics. When she isn’t drawing, she teaches others about comics and makes games. She lives and works in London.

Book preview

THE CHURCH INFLUENCE

I was raised in a strict Pentecostal church. We were taught that you did not date until you were ready for marriage. And then there were rules for dating. First, you never dated alone. That is, there was always a chaperone with you, or you double-dated with another couple. Most times, the date involved going to a restaurant or to a church service. It was okay to sit together in church if you were dating. But no kissing, and definitely no hanky-panky!

My church also encouraged its young people to get married early. There was one guy that several in my church pushed for me to consider marrying. We were great friends, and I had fun talking with him. We wrote each other often, but I just did not have that warm and fuzzy feeling that I had always dreamed about. He was a nice guy, his family had money, and although he was just average looking, his looks did not matter. Who knows what my life would have been had we married. Who knows if we would have lasted; but at least, I would have been married. I know…your mind will always play the what-if game with you if you are not careful. But the truth is that I was not in love with him, and to pursue a relationship with him anyhow would not have been fair to him. There was one person that told me that I would grow to love him, but that was not the love that I was looking for. So that is why I say that I could not settle, and I was willing to wait for the real McCoy. I had no idea that all of this time would pass and I still would not be married. Did I mess up? Should I have taken that opportunity and ran with it? Heaven only knows.

I have girlfriends who I know settled. I thought that they were crazy. I even said something to that nature to them. They simply fell in line with what we were taught in church and took what they thought was the best hand dealt them. They were afraid of becoming old maids and being alone. So they married their best option. Of those friends, there were several who went on to live miserable lives. Behind closed doors, they cheated on their spouses, fussed and fought often, but in public they looked like they had it going on. However, there were some who made their marriages work.

In fact, many years later, I went back to one friend and apologized to her. While she settled, she grew to love her husband and had a wonderful family. She made it work and while it was not the ideal marriage, she had someone in her life to share things with. That is all that I ever wanted--someone to share my life with. Her marriage made me wonder should I have done the same thing. Hmm…nope!

Now, understand, I don’t regret the path that I took because I was exposed to many life-changing opportunities. When I return home and look at some of my childhood friends, I am grateful that I didn’t follow suit. I always knew that I was cut from a different cloth and would never fall in line with just existing. Don’t think that it’s always been easy! It truly is a rough road to travel. There have been many lonely nights where I have cried myself to sleep, and many moments I could not totally enjoy because I was yearning for that special one to be by my side experiencing it with me. So when you look at the scales, it is really up to the person which side they choose to sit on. If you don’t believe you have met your soulmate, should you marry the next-best and risk being miserable? Or should you choose to wait and risk being single and lonely?

The other thing that my church ingrained in my peers and me was to remain abstinent--aka no sex outside of marriage. There were those that did not follow this commandment, but I was one of those good ole girls who tried to be an upright Christian. I was trying to live this life right and wait for marriage. This brought along lots of other challenges.

A fellow once asked me to marry him, but I could not count his proposal because I found out that he was already married. In my mind, I truly don’t think that he counted. So I yet wait on the right one to come along! Please note that I have not stopped living while waiting on him. I know that my spouse will not complete me. Only Jesus Christ can complete me. When you have the right person that enters your life, and you have worked on yourself inside and out, it will reflect that. If you are not a complete individual and you connect with someone, you’re going to drain the other and push him or her away.

Now, I have worked in the music industry for many years. Having grown up in the church virtually all of my life, I was always at the gospel music conferences, conventions, events etc. My mother and some family members have always wondered why I had not met anyone, given all of the traveling that I had done. Let me say this again. I worked in music and attend a lot of church events. The men who attend those events have been mostly gay, bi-sexual, married or flat-out hoes! (Don’t take me wrong. There’s no judgment in my statement. It’s not my place to judge anyone! That’s God’s job. I’m just stating my truth.) So I never went looking around at the events for any potential mates when I was in work mode. Most know that when I’m in work mode, I am focused on the task at hand anyhow. So there were some men who approached me, and some who flirted, but I was totally clueless until it was too late.

I enjoy what I do and love my accomplishments made, but as I mentioned earlier, many times I have been saddened by the fact that I did not have anyone special to share my accomplishments with, besides my mom and close friends. I have been prayed for, I’ve prayed for myself, and yet no husband has magically appeared. I worked in my house many years, so it wasn’t like I was engaging with a lot of people on a daily basis in person. I hadn’t met anyone at church. So finally I decided that I was going to expand my borders and open myself up to more options. That is, I decided to start going out more: (more plays, social events, cultural events, happy hours, etc.) so that I could engage with people, and perhaps meet someone while out. Most times when not on the road, I went to meetings, events centered around work, church and social activities where all of the people there were already married and I was the only single one in the group. My friends didn’t know any single men to introduce me to, so I then opened myself up to online dating.

Boy, boy, boy! Let me tell you, I have learned so much from these experiences! I have also learned a lot about myself, having gone through this process. I have discovered what I could and could not tolerate from a man. I have determined that things that I thought were deal breakers as a youngster really did not matter as much to me as I have gotten older. The list that I created in my early twenties of must-haves have drastically changed as I got older!

For example, when I was in my mid-twenties, a friend of mine named Judy stated that she had found the perfect man for me. She introduced me to her anesthesiologist whom she met when preparing to undergo a procedure for a bad heart. We met and he was really a great guy! He had a home in a prestigious area in Indianapolis and a nice car. We had fun each time that we hung out. There was only one thing about him that messed me up. I always wanted a man that could sing to me. I thought that a singing man was a necessary must-have on my list. Well, the one thing Mr. Nice guy could not do was sing. After he found out how much I loved music, he started singing on the phone to me. At first I found it funny how bad he sounded. Then it began to annoy me. I had a singing message on my voice mail, and in turn, he decided to also leave a singing message each time in response. The more