From Fear to Faith

By Robin Wheeler-Hicks

This is not your ordinary Christian-girl story. I was told several years ago to write the book. It took me some years to be comfortable enough to write the words I did and many sleepless nights wondering, Was it too much?

In reading this, my hope is that the pitfalls and messy lifestyle I once led won't be your story. Read the journey my life has taken, but don't judge me.

God does get all the glory too.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Apr 12, 2023
• ISBN: 9781638746348

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From Fear to Faith

Robin Wheeler-Hicks

ISBN 978-1-63874-633-1 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63874-634-8 (digital)

Copyright © 2023 by Robin Wheeler-Hicks

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Introduction

Thank-Yous

Chapter 1

Innocence Lost

Chapter 2

Covered in Dirt

Chapter 3

I Just Wanna Be Loved

Untitled

Chapter 4

Grimy Filth

Chapter 5

Where Hell Breaks Loose

Chapter 6

Road to Recovery

Chapter 7

Delivered and Set Free

Chapter 8

Fool's Paradise

You Want My Anointing?

Chapter 9

From Fear to Faith

The Price You Pay

I'm Coming Out

Poetry Class—Bo Robinson

Tight Out, aka Tight House

Pot Calls Me No More

Wait on Him

Be Strong

Chapter 10

I Just Want to Be Free

Criminal Attitude Program

Greater Newark Conservancy

Why Can't We Get Along?

This Ain't Living

Life Skills: Prodigal Sons and Daughters

Miserable Folks

Chapter 11

Is this the End?

The Plantation

Chapter 12

Blast to the Past

The F-Word

Chapter 13

Where I Don't Want to Be

Chapter 14

In Their Own Words: Interviews

Heaven Bound

Chapter 15

Freedom Never Felt so Good

You Choose

About the Author

Introduction

Since I was a child, I have always loved to read. It didn't matter what type of book as long as it held my attention.

When I began to write my story, I wondered, Was it going to be several pages or just a few? I realize that it doesn't matter how many pages but rather, the contents that are important. What type of message am I giving? I don't want it to be humdrum. Just shoot it from the lips and pray that it will help someone.

I read this quote from Iyanla Vanzant's book, Until Today! Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind, and it fits perfectly for this time of my life: Today I am devoted to assuming the best about myself and my life. The daily devotions in her book got me through some rough times. Thank you, sister!

So now I am asking you, the reader, to open your heart and mind as you read the story of Robin, aka Cookie, whom only God can judge.

Blessings,

RWH

Thank-Yous

I give honor and glory to my Heavenly Father, who without Him, I am nothing. Thank you, God, for saving me.

To my daddy, Robert Branch, who gave me his legacy of tenderness and compassion for others, and my mom, Minnie B. Wheeler, who instilled in me love and belief in the power of prayer. I know the two of you are now at perfect peace.

To my husband, Gregory. (Thank you, Mema, for giving life to him. Love you. Soi.) Thank you for loving me, flaws and all, and for being my strong rock when all hell was breaking loose in our life. To my baby girl, Tiara, you are a special jewel. To my babies—Kenneth, Lakeisha, Ty-ree, Shiniqua, and Imani—you showed me that love comes from within and you don't have to be blood related in order to be called family! To all my nephews and nieces, I pray God's light shines brightly in all of you and know that all of you are somebody 'cause God don't make no junk.

To my sisters, Wiletta and Loreatha, we may not always see eye to eye. But we have each other for life. To the branch, Wheeler, Harrison, Kent, and Hicks & Howells, we are family.

Loving thanks for my village who loved, cared, and prayed for me: Bert (Poppa) Jones and Mattie (Big Momma) Jones, both RIP, who helped in raising me and treating me like I was their baby girl; Uncle Albert and Aunt Plessie Hill, RIP; Aunt Ida (McClendon), RIP; Aunt Sug (Laurean Lawrence) and Uncle Bud (George Branch), RIP; Pierre and Carrol Steide, RIP (big sis, nothing but love); V. Lewis (lil sis number 1); Kelly (lil sis number 2 led me to the Wu and Method Man); my UC social services family (Gerri, Anna, and Monica); my angels in North Carolina (Alfrances and Evelyn), Pitt Memorial Hospital is truly blessed with them; and Mr. Mosco, Ms. Barbara, and Ms. Rosa (who treated my mom with TLC). I love all of you for life!

I have much love and gratitude for my pastor, Rev. Vanessa A. Nero. I thank you for the vision and encouragement to write this book and for all the prayers and beautiful cards in my darkest hours. To my Glorious Hope Missionary Baptist Church family; my prayer partners in Trenton, New Jersey (Iva, Mickey, Dave, and the crew); Rev. J. Adair, for that special prayer you prayed; Mr. Oscar (RIP) and James Tooley, family for real; E. Abdanefi; Mary Dryer (RIP); R. Eagle; Pandora (Thelma); Det. Williamson (kept all my babies safe); Ms. Sandra and family; Jabo and Lakeish (treated me like your own); Donna (McKnight) and Sharon (Ford), helped to keep a sista straight while locked down; and my special online friends (Gera; James, aka Paratrooper; and Jan). There are many more, so know that there is nothing but love in my heart for all of you!

A special thanks goes out to Wendy Leggett. I may never see you again, but you made those train rides from Elizabeth to Trenton and the walks to the justice office peaceful with your prayers and words of love and encouragement. I know that God puts angels around us and you were one of many that He placed around me.

Chapter 1

Innocence Lost

God, save me from my enemies. Keep me safe from those who rise up against me.

—Psalm 59:1

Where do I begin my story? There are so many things I have to tell you about the storms in my life. I've been through many, and God has always brought me through as a conqueror. Looking back now, I realize that God always had me in His hands. He was shaping and molding me into being one of His precious treasures.

Going back to my younger years, I was either four or five when I ended up with my stepparents. I don't know what happened between my dad and mom to cause the situation. I just know I was no longer living with my mom.

Big Mama and Papa (Mr. and Mrs. Jones) were a much older couple than my parents and had no children of their own. They loved me and took very good care of me. Big Mama babysat another little girl also named Robin, and for a while, I had someone to play with. Always being a curious child, I used to watch Papa roll his cigarettes and he seemed to enjoy smoking them. I began to steal some of his tobacco and taught myself how to roll them the way I saw him do it. I learned how to smoke but did not know you were to inhale. One day, I was under my bed smoking when Big Mama busted me. That time, I only got scolded. However, I received my first beating when after convincing Robin to smoke with me, she told on me to keep herself out of trouble and I was whipped with a wide heavy leather strap.

Once I became of school age, Big Mama enrolled me at St. Mary's on High Street in Newark, New Jersey. At the age of seven or eight, I began going to Howard Street projects to meet my friend Roslyn so we could walk to school together. Many times, my stepmom told me to go straight to school and come straight home when school let out.

Being hardheaded landed me in a scary situation, and now I know what could have been a life-or-death situation. Upon entering the elevator and pushing the button for Roslyn's floor, a man got on and pushed a button too. When the elevator stopped for his floor, he forced me off the elevator and took me into the stairwell. He kept saying to me, I won't hurt you. Just be quiet and do what I tell you to do. He made me lay down and pulled my skirt up and my panties down. As I laid there crying, he proceeded to unzip his pants and pulled out his penis.

When he began to climb on top of me, there was a sound of a door banging and I could hear pop, pop, and then laughter and footsteps running down the stairs above us. The man jumped up and ran, and when I looked up, there were some kids coming down the stairs playing with a cap gun. They helped me up and asked me if I was okay and where I lived. I told them my friend lived in the building, and they took me to her house. My stepmom did not beat me for being hardheaded, and I promised never to go back to the projects again. (I remember meeting with some people, I believe, in the courthouse and the same guy being in the courtroom. But I don't know what happened, as my stepparents never spoke about this incident again.) Several years later, I knew that what had almost happened to me was called rape and that I could have been killed if it had not been for those kids in the stairwell. My stepmom always said that God watches over babies and fools, so I know He was watching over me, his child.

At the