A Long Journey to Home

By Samantha Crystal

Samantha Crystal was born on June 18th, 1985 in Chicago to Mary and Thurston Courtney. She had a very turbulent and an abused childhood including homelessness that she had to endure but always held on to her faith. Now, she is a working single mother with degree and an advocate for the victims and survivors of child abuse.
This had inspired her to write A Long Journey to Home. Some stories will make you laugh, some will make you think but, it is a combination of poems and stories that will inspire people to speak up & Rise above Abuse

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Apr 25, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499004397

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Copyright © 2014 by Samantha Crystal.

Library of Congress Control Number:                     2014907179

ISBN:                  Hardcover                             978-1-4990-0440-3

                            Softcover                               978-1-4990-0441-0

                            eBook                                    978-1-4990-0439-7

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

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Rev. date: 04/22/2014

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CONTENTS

Dedication

Foreword

Chapter 1   My Writing Begins….

Chapter 2   Let My Voice Shout

Chapter 3   Being a Girl (for a moment)

Chapter 4   Start another Year in School

Chapter 5   As a teenager

Chapter 6   More Family Problems from the Mother & Sister

Chapter 7   Passed away

Chapter 8   Dislike my class

Chapter 9   I Want R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Chapter 10   People Whom I Knew was Lost

Chapter 11   Confusion

Chapter 12   What is Love?

Chapter 13   Misery loves me

Chapter 14   Who Am I?

Chapter 15   Nature’s Beauty

Chapter 16   In my Dreams…

Chapter 17   Slowly Going Away

Chapter 18   I Had Gained Freedom but was Not Free

Chapter 19   First Poem Written while Attending College…

Chapter 20   My Life had changed for the Better

Chapter 21   New Beginning

Chapter 22   Trusted the wrong people

Chapter 23   I want My Revenge!

Chapter 24   I am an Imperfect Human Being!

Chapter 25   Learning about humility and stability

Chapter 26   My Final Thought

DEDICATION

I have to thank my heavenly father Jehovah for giving me the courage, discipline, strength, and hope to help that keeps moving forward with my life. Even that had given me the boldness to speak, so I was able to put this abuser away. Also, you had helped me find myself again through prayer, personal study and bible reading. From the New World Translations- the scripture is at Psalms 37:10, 11: Just a little while longer and the wicked one will be no more; and you will certainly give attention to his place, and he will not be. But the meek ones themselves will possess the earth, and they will possess the earth, and they will indeed find exquisite delight in abundance of peace.

This book dedicates to those who are survivors and victims of childhood abuse. Believe me, it has not been easy having the courage to speak up against cowards and manipulators. Also, to those who are a bunch of inconsiderate jerks who had blamed you (or find reasons to blame you based) on their ignorance. I say embrace those who are in your corner and (not to mention) yourself who had fought to run away from those abusers. Believe me when I say, There is life and hope after abuse.

I would like to thank the women at the New Moms Group at Illinois Maisonic Hospital in Chicago, Illinois (Thursdays at noon) that had given me a start to share my story with others and it has given me a start to give my voice back. It was always worth going every week.

To my family & friends: Aunt Marion, Cousin Anthony, Aunt Grace, Cousin Marcus & Tony, Uncle Paul, April, Nicole, and Mama Lois: You all have been an awesome support system ever since Day one. I appreciate you all. My Brothers and sister in Cleveland: I love you all and to all my nieces and nephews in Cleveland & Chicago: Aunt Samantha Love you all. Not to mention others who have been there that I have forgotten to mention: Thank you for the support, love, and encouragement. It has been so awesome receiving love on a grand scale so; I cannot help but to say is thank you for all my heart. Also to my daughter Rosie: You are my special child and mommy loves you so much.

To Lexie Bean, Caroune, David, Lisa, Meredith and Sara (Attn People with body Parts): thank you for giving me the inspiration to use poems as a way to speak up and to encourage others who had been abused. Also, how you were asking others by encouraging others on how to work through the aftermath of abuse.

Katrina (Beautify the meek): Thank you for helping those who has been abused and how you are using your resources to help others speak up against abuse.

To those abusers (in my life) who had thought you can hold me down with your manipulation and justication on mistreating me from childhood to my adulthood. All I can say is: Thank you because if it wasn’t for you it would not have made me stronger to this very day. You had thought you can kill me by trying to shut me down but it only had made me stronger with Jehovah’s help, guidance and forgiveness. (It may have sounded strange to thank these cowards but I have my reasons).

FYI: If I get (a little) too carried away in explaining or off the subject (a little bit) about these written poems then I was releasing all that left over frustration. That I was not able to express so, work with me; there are stories (and memories) that take me back to those moments. And it tends to take me to that time when everything had happened in my life. I want to encourage those who had been victimized and educate others who are ignorant towards those victims/survivors.

FOREWORD

WARNING! If you are NOT looking for encouragement or to be educated then, why are you gazing through this book? This book goes out to those who are forgotten & abused-those who victims/survivors (male and female) are including those who are uneducated about this touchy subject.

Let me tell you about my life: I was born in June of 1985 and raised in Chicago, Illinois to a mother who was young and completely clueless on raising a child. We had moved from the south to the west and then to the north side of Chicago. She did not think of staying in one particular place for a kid (like myself) to grow up. Not to mention, we were staying with my aunt & great-grandmother including staying on the street, we had (even) slept on the CTA train until early hours on a cold and wintry morning before staying with family. The relationship between her and my father, Courtney Russell, did not work out which had led us to be homeless for a short moment.

The only time I had a relationship with my father was when I was a baby (almost) became a toddler and we went our separate ways. My father had died on December 24th, 1991; I was only six years old. I did not know that he was looking for me until four years ago when it was revealed that my father wanted to reach out to his children before he had passed-honestly, I did not know it until that time. I was born to a mother who was young, engaged and desperate. So she had decided to date but (ended up) marrying this person while he was in prison; he was arrested for petty crimes. The major crime this person had committed was in 1979 when he had raped his first wife; his name was Ali. He was a monster behind that facade he had shown every single day.

So the next victim he had decided to attack was the whole family but I had taken it the worse. My cousin & sister were physically abused. I was sexually, physically abused and tortured by this creep (off &on) for four years of my life. Everyday there was something different, if he did not jump on mommy dearest or had fought my aunt (to which my aunt had fought back). He would find ways to set us up to get a whooping for the things he had done……and Mommy dearest had fell for it. Not to mention, the women he had brought around my sister and I…….and (again) mommy dearest had fell for it. To the point, of letting this man bring us over to stay over his mistress house for the weekend……..And did I say mommy dearest were young, desperate and really stupid in the decisions she had made.

The sexual & physical abuse had gotten progressively worse as I had aged until I was ten years old. Actually, with the help from Jehovah; if it wasn’t for this teacher’s assistant named Mrs. Adams, I would not have that voice to speak up to put this low-life in prison. My own mother (Beatrice a.k.a. Mommy dearest) had used abuse as an excuse for manipulation and mind-games this woman had inflicted on me as an adolescent. She even had continued on with this vicious cycle even though this man was put behind bars for abuse. She (even) had blamed me for the sexual abuse that I had endured and had NO CONTROL over that situation. That man had murdered an innocent child every single day so instead of saying anything (out of fear and intimidation this creep had over me), I had acted out. That is the reason why Mrs. Adams knew what was going on by asking me and I am proud of myself for speaking up.

Beatrice had taken my father’s check (from his death) and spent it. Just to make sure I had to struggle throughout my high school and college years. It was so mess up that she had even blamed her own sister (Marion-twin sister) for her own screw ups. During the time, we had stayed with my aunt and great grandmother (Bertie), they had raised me while mommy dearest was partying and did not come home until two to three days later. She was even jealous about the close relationship my aunt and I had established.-it is more of a mother & daughter relationship with my aunt. (To this very day I had adopted her (my aunt) as my mother). During the twelve (more) years of manipulation, abuse, and favoritism from mommy dearest and my own sister; I do have to say, I had a lot of anger and rage from the sexual abuse; so I had taken it out on them while I was a teenager. Instead of speaking up, my way of expressing about the abuse ways through acting out to get mommy dearest attention (hoping she would pay attention to the red flag signs) but she did not get it.

After the ordeal was over, Mommy dearest had decided for us (as a family) to stay with my grandfather in the south suburbs of Chicago. Then at the age of sixteen, my own grandfather had use verbal abuse against my sister & I so, because mommy dearest did not stand up for my sister & I…..I had to stand up for us. (It was not like mommy dearest wasn’t going to correct him on how to treat his grandchildren, so I had to say something.) Staying with my grandfather was not right; part of me was thinking to defend yourself just in case he had acted like a creep towards you. Nope, he was also a coward by calling my sister and I names: Bi***, Whore, slut and so on, just because we did not clean his house right. Plus, he was going after my sister (Camille aka little girl) just to start up an argument with a little kid. I had enough stood up for the little girl and myself-mommy dearest didn’t even defend us (that’s what led me to be on punishment for six