Natural Expression
​by Sunshine Kesey (daughter of Ken Kesey and Mountain Girl)
​I saw Jerry Garcia on stage from my infancy. At the time their events were considered the safest and most loving place anywhere. I grew up at Grateful Dead shows and New Riders of the Purple Sage shows, which all felt like a safe place for kids. I had full run of the place, because I was one of the oldest kids. I was one of the first rock and roll babies in our group and I’d start bossing the kids around. That was a little scene which I can see now was a little unusual. But at the time it seemed natural, because we were a traveling circus, and everyone traveled together. It was just natural that you brought your kids, your dogs, because your home was the road. You had to bring what you wanted with you.
​We went on the road a lot. As time moved on, there were more kids, and things got a little bigger and crazier. The road was longer; then I think we stayed home more. Then later in time Annabelle would go out on the road with Jerry by herself. She was 12, but it was considered OK and safe. It was like a huge village that would look after your kid.
​I used to run around in those big halls in the audience, trucking around by myself. I knew where the stage was. I knew how to find my folks. I loved running around and having a good time, getting into mischief and tripping the spinners.
​I never saw my mom and dad as a couple. They were never a couple in my time. They were friends, thankfully. He was married and had three children. Faye was friends with my mom as well. Luckily the spirit of friendship and the appreciation for my life being in their life was evident. They wanted me in their lives, so I got to be part of the family.
​The times being what they were, all those little fences around what we do had melted away, so it wasn’t considered a terrible transgression. I don’t think my mom ever assumed that she would say “we.” There was never any jockeying for position. It was like a natural expression during high times. I think the complications showed up later.
​A lot of those ideas about free anything did not survive the test of time. Basic things like “Whose food is in the fridge?” It gets compli-cated. We were never a commune per se.
​My mom is a powerful person, a powerful personality. She has a real good sense of family, too. Not just our immediate family but our entire tribal family. She has done so much to knit all this stuff together. Even as the “ex” and being pushed away, she herself is pushy and does what she wants. She made sure her girls had access to their dad and the scene.
​I myself would have been shier: “I’m not invited, I’m not coming.” She made things happen and she continues to make things happen. She keeps the soul of the village somewhat together.
​I know that in 2015, the 50th anniversary of the Grateful Dead, she made a big move to make sure that folks who were part of the Grateful Dead for years and years and years were invited where they hadn’t been invited.
​She wasn’t going to play by the rules. She wanted to have Steve Parish invited. She said, “If these people are not invited, what a terrible crime against our whole scene.” My younger sister Trixie said, “You can’t be doing this, you’re going to rock the boat.” My mom said, “I don’t care about the boat! I’ll buy them tickets if I have to, this is just not right.”
​Last year it was great to see her in action and being a true matriarch to our entire group. She makes people uncomfortable, like my dad did. She would push the bounds. As her kid sometimes I would be like, “Oh God, I’m embarrassed. I can’t believe this is happening.” Then at the end of the day she had pulled off something so cool and made something happen that nobody else would have done, just by being pushy and going there.