Divorced Daze...: One Woman's Journey to Getting Her Life Back After Divorce.

By Stacey Dunn

The Courage to be a Single Mother: How to get back in the dating game!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Feb 13, 2016
• ISBN: 9781329896833

Book preview

Divorced Daze...

DIVORCED DAZE…

By Stacey Dunn

Copyright © February 14, 2016 by Stacey Dunn

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

First Printing: 2016

ISBN 978-1-329-89683-3

Lulu Distributing

[e-mail]

Look to the future…

PROLOGUE

One woman’s inspirational journey as she finds herself after divorce.

Join her in an emotional tale as she courageously begins again as a single woman. Meet the men in and out of her life and see just what dating with children looks like!

It’s simply about getting back in the game, letting the walls down and searching for that love we all desire!

BIOGRAPHY

My name is Stacey, I am a 47 year old, re-married mother of two wonderful children, Sydney and Cameron. They are the center of my life, as most mothers’ children are, which is why making the decision to divorce when they were toddlers, was such a difficult one.

I had been in the radio industry for over 20 years, both as an on-air personality and on the marketing/sales side in Detroit, Michigan. Most recently, my career has taken a turn into sports marketing where I am a Corporate Partnerships Sales Manager for a professional sports team in Detroit.

I am and have always been extremely independent and always try to be uplifting, positive and look for the best in every situation. However, there are times, a bad marriage can suck the life right out of you.

As positive as you try to be, things can seem hopeless. As I mentioned, making the decision to divorce was not an easy one. At that time in my life, Sydney was 3 and Cameron was 12 months. Divorce isn’t easy for anyone but according to friends and co-workers of mine, if there was a go-to divorced guide for women or a how to instruction booklet on adjusting to your new situation, it would be written by me! Which did get me thinking, why not share my experience?

A lot of women have been where I was or are thinking about divorce. Some are scared or are experiencing the same frustrations and fears that I went through being a newly single woman.

I have many hard stories to share and some exciting ones. Along with personal insight on how to grow from each experience. The big question… how to get back in the game? First rule, DON’T be so hard on yourself. Second, DON’T let the guilt of the divorce get to you!

I’ve dated them all, from 25 to 45.  I’ve dated several at a time! Gained a few friends and have had a few bootie calls along the way. I’m willing to share, no matter how embarrassing or slightly pathetic they now may seem. Maybe, I can save you from a few awkward events as you venture back out there!

It’s simply my story and I’m choosing to share it. If I can move just one woman forward in her journey and give her courage to do what is best for her and her children or help her look for the good in her situation then this memoir of sorts will have served its purpose. This is very personal for me, too. Some of it downright embarrassing!  Grammar warts and all! Like I said in the beginning, it’s my story.

Plus, I don’t mind sharing a few Sass101 notations. (SASS = Stacey Always Steals the Show) They just might help.

Embrace your new found single-hood, make the best of it and laugh when you can because there will be tears! Here’s to looking out into the future.

I hope you enjoy it.  (Names have been changed to protect privacy)

CONTENTS

Dedication:

Forward:

CHAPTER 1: How Did I Get Here?

CHAPTER 2: The Affair!

CHAPTER 3: Being Single, Available and in Business

CHAPTER 4: Derrick A Soul mate

CHAPTER 5: Cameron Charm will get you the Good Life

CHAPTER 6: How-To Get Your Game On!

CHAPTER 7: Mathew Mr. Right, Wrong Time!

CHAPTER 8: Front Burner/Back Burner

CHAPTER 9: Trevor If Looks Could Kills!

CHAPTER 10: Honorable Mentions

CHAPTER 11: Stop and Feel Good About You Place!

CHAPTER 12: Self-Reflection

CHAPTER 13: Re-Entry…Just When You Thought He Was Gone For Good

CHAPTER 14: Florida Sunshine

CHAPTER 1: When to Say When

CHAPTER 16: Divine Order

CHAPTER 17:Personal Inventory Divorce Daze…

CHAPTER 18: Dating With Kids

CHAPTER 19: Mathew What Now?

CHAPTER 20:Rumor Has It, He’s Getting Divorced!

CHAPTER 21:The Trip

CHAPTER 22:My Stinging Heart

CHAPTER 23: I Surrender

CHAPTER 24:Hope…with a capital H!

DEDICATION

To all of the amazing men in and out of my life. You all know who you are, what we’ve shared and what you have meant to me.

Sydney and Cameron the two, not so little anymore, souls I am most proud of. Who always remind me what’s really important…them!! My angels… I love you more than life!

To my parents who have always supported me as they try to get a word in edgewise. It amazes me they pick up the phone when I call.

To Michelle, Gina, Nikki, Kerry and Leanne thanks for all of our single memories and your continued friendship.

To H….who surprises me every day with how wonderful life can be! You inspire me with your confidence. Not every man is supportive of a wife that wants to write a story about her past relationships. No one said you had to read it.

And to you, my fellow divorcee for taking the time to read my book.

FORWARD

I don’t think I could have picked a better age. Thirty-three years old. Divorced! Now….a newly single divorced mother of two. Join me as I take you through my journey into the unknown, my unrealistic expectations of the men that came in and out of my life. And what my ideals have become after life happened.

I have been blessed to have had many wonderful men come into my life. In only a short few years, I’ve touched on it all. A married man going through a difficult time, during my difficult time. A quick fling with a 22 year old during a wild weekend in Chicago. My 26 year old soulmate with more character then many forty-something men who turned into a best friend, during our don’t ask/don’t tell relationship. Yup!

Thank god I’m not famous. The tabloids would have had a field day with me.

There was an interesting 27 year old guy from NYC, who I met in the Bahamas on vacation. Only to have him resurface in San Francisco….while I was with the soulmate on another vacation. That was a fun weekend. Back to a little shuffling of a few hotties. Finally, finding what seemed to be a real man, in the same place in life but with terrible timing.

Dating is not always fun when you’re in it. We are all scared to get back out there. There, like it’s literally the jungle. Of course we try desperately to salvage the bad relationship we’re stuck in. It feels worse when you have kids.

There I was… at a crossroads. I wanting to just let go and love. Was I ready for my journey? It nagged at me. I was scared. Things were really bad at home. I had to jump…ready or not.

My Divorced Daze. Whether you’re married and need to live vicariously through me. You’re thinking of divorce and wondering what it might be like. Or newly divorced and questioning everything you’ve ever thought about who you were, what happened to you, who you’re becoming and finding a way to not settle but get it right this time. Maybe have a little fun along the way? Let’s get started.

CHAPTER I

How did I get here?

Have you ever wanted every man you’ve ever dated in one place at one time vying for your affection? It’s a fantasy of mine I guess. Who would you gravitate towards? Most likely the one on his way out of the room. The man that exudes confidence and wouldn’t want anything to do with the situation.

Maybe it would be that guy that you feel just looks into your soul with one glance. Doesn’t it just kill you that someone can do that? What is that? You just feel them in every fiber of your being, with one glance. It’s like they are swimming in your veins.

Every guy in my life has sincerely meant a lot to me at the time they were in my life. Some continue to play a role, a few I’ve cried over, some I’ve been baffled by. It can be so painful at times and then you eventually just have to move on. On to yet another CHAPTER in your love life. Forever searching for The One.

I guess this book is meant to be a way to say thank you for sharing a piece of yourself with me. Thank you for allowing me to be honest about where I’m at emotionally and accepting me. Thank you for loving me in your own way. And thank you for some very hot nights…uhhhh….middle of the day surprises!

I’ll share a little of the good stuff. Just a few details, I wouldn’t be the woman they thought I was if I kissed and told too much. Or do guys not care about that like women do?

The burning question for me and maybe you, will I ever get the timing right with the right guy? Men can hurt you so bad and be so incredible in so many ways.

Once you heal from yet another failed attempt at romance, hopefully it’s the good memories that remain.

Hold on to what you’ve learned from them and about yourself for the next go around. There will be a next time.

Before I fill you in on the details of each wonderful male soul that came into my life, I need to begin by sharing an important, but small piece, of why I am now in a Divorced Daze.

After almost 4 years of marriage, a seven-year relationship total, my marriage came to an end.

In my mind I had worked years on a relationship that looking back should never have become a marriage. I don’t say that to hurt anyone. It’s not that I didn’t love him. If I hadn’t loved him, it wouldn’t have hurt so badly as it fell apart.

I thought we had something special. You always do feel that way, until you truly find special and do some comparing. But when you’re in that relationship you have nothing to compare it to.

There were problems from the beginning. The little things that turned big. And for some reason, I always kept trying to fix everything!

Why do we women beat our heads against the wall trying to make a man out of a boy? Or at least the idea built up in our minds of what a man should be. Or man qualities seen in our fathers perhaps? This scenario of course, ends with two resentful people because they never meet our needs or expectations.

You never feel appreciated, neither does he and you become trapped out of co-dependency in a dysfunctional relationship.

When I finally decided I wanted peace for my children and myself...I filed. Hoping in the end we’d be better off.

Filing for divorce…. it is HORRIBLE!

For anyone who has done it and gone through the emotional ups and downs knows it is heart-wrenching! Especially if only one person wants it. As painful as it is, as back and forth as you go with…am I doing the right thing?

When it’s all said and done and you walk out of that courtroom…it’s usually worth the heartache.

Sometimes it takes a little attention from a new member of the opposite sex to tip the equation to the up side and get the ball rolling. This exact equation is what led into a kiss that changed the direction of my life…literally!

I had not realized just how attention deprived I was until…He Kissed ME!

Now mind you…I never in my life have ever even entertained the idea of allowing another man to touch me, hold my hand or kiss me while in a committed relationship with someone else. Even when dating in high school.

In my eyes this has always been the ultimate betrayal. I had never allowed myself to be in a situation that could bring unfaithfulness on.

And then….he leaned in and HE KISSED ME! For the first time in my life…I let another man kiss me when I was in a committed relationship.   I knew I was in big, big trouble, when I asked for another.

CHAPTER II

Michael The Affair

Michael: I could have never imagined in my lifetime, I would have an affair with a married man, while I was married no less. Never in my first 33 years of life/love/relationships did I ever even put myself in a situation for something like that to happen. Even with my 5-year high school sweetheart I never cheated on him. Not even a peck on the cheek with another guy. Any man or woman deserves more respect than that, from any side you look at it. I still feel that way!

What I also now know is that there is so much vulnerability when you’re lonely. I had been deprived miserably of attention. I was not being heard in my marriage. In fact, I was being verbally