From Suddenly Single, To Finding Love Again

By Darren Joseph

If you find yourself single, then this is the only (proven) dating book you will ever need.
You will be taken on a journey by the author which is humorous and you will learn how to be better placed in the single world, often by NOT doing what he did.

You will read about:
Is there such a thing as Successful Separation?
What the opposite sex are really looking for?
What is your ‘Elevator pitch’?
What is on your list?
Advantages and disadvantages of Online dating
Joining dating groups
How not to be attracted to ‘dumb’ qualities
What to do on a First date
How dating someone with kids is different

All these...and more are covered in this humorous and engaging book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Darren Joseph
• Release date: Jan 27, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463413814

Darren Joseph

Darren Joseph is poetry author from Dallas, Texas. This is his first published book which acts as an introduction to his upbringing and personal life.

Book preview

Part 1: You, yourself and …hey…where did everyone go?

1. How did I get here?

Imagine if you will, you are in the middle of nowhere. There are no trees around, no bushes, just sand…beautiful white sand, everywhere you look. You are standing there…all alone. It is windy and sand it is getting flicked up into your eyes….and it’s hot. You have a sense of feeling alone, which makes you start to panic a little and you think to yourself, how did I get here?

As you glance across your right shoulder, you notice someone in the distance. With the heat coming off the sand, you think it is probably a mirage. As you try to adjust your focus, you think to yourself ‘could this person be the one, could they be my next love of my life?’

As you take one step closer towards them, they seem to have taken a step closer to you. Then they take another step closer, you like what you see so you take another step closer.

You decide to show some confidence and you yell out ‘hello’…they yell back ‘hello to you’….you like what you hear. You feel a little excited, like when you were young, and mum and dad were about to take you to a theme park. Any thoughts of being alone, in the middle of nowhere are a distant memory.

You both take another step closer towards each other. By now you are within talking distance and you can hear each other very well. You are still confused, and you ask, ‘how did you get here?’.

‘The same way you did, by fate, I guess. It wasn’t my intention to be here…(they pause)… but now that I’ve met you, I’m glad I am’.

This once sentence makes you feel good and builds your excitement. So, you start to walk closer to each other.

As you get within a few paces of each other, you look down and you notice a ‘Line In The Sand’. Next to the ‘Line In The Sand’ is a small stick, with some sort of scroll tied to it. You bend down and untie the scroll. As you stand up and unravel the scroll you look at the person standing on the other side of the line and before either of you say another word, you read out aloud what the scroll says:

To often we see couples trying to drag the other person closer to them. Often it is one person doing all the walking and talking. A relationship will work better if you are both motivated to come together, meet at the ‘Line In The Sand’, while still maintaining your independence.

You both will have come from different backgrounds and a different upbringing, so you are both going to react differently to situations. If the other person is a million miles away and facing the other way…. move on, my friend. You are wasting your time.

Having just turned 50, I find myself getting married next year to the love of my life….(I know what you’re thinking…..he doesn’t look 50, but believe me, up close you see lots of small wrinkles, they say wrinkles are character lines, well stuff character lines, I just want to look good). Where was I, oh yes.

So, I’m here at my house, writing this book that I have thought about for many years. I unexpectedly find myself with time on my hands, having recently been retrenched from my job just before Christmas. Yes, thanks for that. I tell you what, nothing builds character more than when your back is against the wall. I should know, did I mention I have lots of ‘character’ lines?

I’ve had my back against the wall a few times in life and usually I’ve had to climb my way out, by myself. But not this time.

This time around is different because I feel completely supported and loved through a difficult time. Although with no work on the horizon, it could be paper cups at our wedding along with the chef re-using the rice confetti in an Asian dish later that night. I am with someone who supports me, dreams with me and is a true companion in life. We have promised each other, that in the next life...we will find each other sooner. Insert sad face here.

But I spent many years as a ‘Single & Middle Age-ish’ father. I never gave up hope and I don’t want you to either. Whether you are a guy or a girl, my drive to write this book is to fast-track you to finding true love again and to build your confidence to get out there.

Your day will come too. That feeling of unconditional love that I thought could have escaped me.

From the age of 32 to 48 I was in and out of being single. I had times when I questioned if the right person was even out there for me. The good news is that the right person is out there, you just need to know what to look for and get out there.

So, if you find yourself single and middle age, let’s go on this journey together. You will see what could work for you, in your quest to find true love again. To learn from my silly, and often humorous mistakes. To have the knowledge of what you could be doing better and to improve your confidence in getting out there into the single world.

As you are not 21 anymore (thank god some of you may say) how do you navigate the single world now? What has changed? How do people meet each other? What is the normal etiquette and is it harder, or easier than when we were younger?

All these questions we will cover, because I have lived it.

But before we do, I want to ask you. Do you have a fear of being alone for the rest of your life? Some people do, and it is very normal. Or do you have a fear of not belonging?

That feeling of having someone to come home to at the end of the day would be nice. Someone that shows their love towards you and a sense of strong deeper connection.

This book is a story that will help you on the next stage in your life. But to do that, I need to warn you of a few things. Sometimes, I will be brutally honest with you. I might even swear (oh yeah, you probably noticed that already in the opening paragraph). But the reason for my brutal honesty is because sometimes the people around us don’t tell the truth.

They mean well, they are wanting you to feel nice and good about yourself. They are thinking that by telling you what you want to hear, they are helping you build your confidence. But here is where I can help. You see, I don’t know you. I can be brutally honest about what you should consider, or what you might be doing wrong. This will bring something to the surface so that you can decide whether you want to adapt that new thought, or whether you won’t.

Also, there will be some chapters or sentences that you will not agree with. That is okay. My intention is to let you know what I did, right or wrong, and provide a possible solution that could make your life easier and clearer.

It might feel daunting if you have recently found yourself single. But there are plenty of others also within your clan.

According to a leading scientist in California who studies single people from around the world – Bella DePaulo, she mentions that in 2017, the Census Bureau reported that a record number of adults in the U.S. were not married. More than 110 million residents were divorced or widowed or had always been single; that's more than 45 percent of all Americans aged 18 or older.

So, we know that there are plenty of single people out there. The tricky part is to find the normal ones and the person that is right for you. But they are out there. In fact, there is more than one person right for you out there.

Over the course of our journey throughout this book, you will recognise if the right person is coming towards you. You will discover what might bring them towards you and hopefully realise when to let them go and find their own ‘Line In The Sand’.

2. Quest for happiness

It is a nice sunny afternoon, a weekday, and I’m walking along the path that follows the beach. Sounds nice so far, yes? You are probably imagining a beautiful, quiet walk. One that involves getting some exercise and fresh air. That’s okay, you don’t know me yet.

This was no ordinary walk and it became a turning point for me. I’ve had so many turning points in my life, I feel a little giddy…

You see, I was a newly single father with two young girls aged four and two. I had 50% custody and I had two dogs. The girl’s mother and I had decided to separate four months earlier. I am not one to shy away from my responsibilities, so not only did I ensure that I had 50% custody of the kids, I also had 100% custody of the dogs…. not sure how that happened, maybe my ex-wife was a better salesperson than me.

Compound this situation along with working full-time and you may start to see where this is going.

It was a late afternoon in Perth, Western Australia. Warmish afternoon (warmish in Perth is 33 degrees, a coolish day is 24 degrees) and I had picked up my two girls from Day Care. Before I could think about cooking dinner, I needed to walk our two dogs. But of course, as a single parent, you can’t just leave the kids at home while you walk the dogs. That sort of behaviour if frowned upon in most countries.

So, we ALL went for the walk. The path follows the beach and is quite busy with lots of people using the path for exercise. The dogs were pulling at their leads because they had been cooped up in the backyard all day and just wanted to run. The sun is still packing some heat, but as a local, you begin to not even notice the heat until there is steam coming off your skin and then you think ‘oh…its warm out today’.

The young girls started off well. We got about a quarter of the way into our trip before the two-year started getting sore feet because her shoes were breaking and coming off. So, while still holding the leads of the two dogs, I did what most fathers would do, I started carrying her.

This was now becoming more intense because now gravity was pulling me down with her weight, the dogs are pulling me forward (most of the time, unless they smelt something and then I would come to abrupt halt) and of course the heat, did I mention the heat?

As we turn to head back home, the four-year-old now also wants to be carried as she is getting tired feet from the long day at Day Care.

So, she goes on my back (piggy-back style) while the two-year old is still getting carried at the front. All while the two dogs are pulling even harder at their leads because now, they want to get home and have some dinner.

Upon reflection, it wasn’t well thought out, but when you’re single, there are the things that HAVE TO BE DONE and you have no-one else to turn to for support. My options were limited.

It was at that moment, a stranger, said these words that made me self-reflect:

Looks like you have you hands full… were his words.

Later that night, as I reflected under a cold shower, partially cooling the skin and partially drinking it to rehydrate…I realised this stranger had a point. Of course, he had a point. I do have my hands full, but on the surface everything I was doing ‘needed’ to be done.

So, began my quest for happiness. I needed to prioritise my life. I needed to structure my life so that it had the least amount of pressure while still doing what I felt was right. I needed to simplify my life so that I could focus on what was right for the long term. I had only myself to answer to so there was little arguing involved.

I loved our two dogs…so the kids had to go…!

I’m kidding. I needed to give the dogs to good homes where someone could walk them and be around them. One was originally from my parents and was a Labrador, so she went to a young family. The other was originally mine and my ex-wife’s and she was a Kelpie (the dog…not my ex-wife) so she went to a lady who lived on a farm. Perfect. It was a tough decision but the right one.

Something I have learnt in life, is that happiness seems closer when you let some things go.

Some of the happiest times, involve very basic surrounds and just straight out, good company of friends and family. If you think back to when you were a child and when you had a great Christmas and holiday. Did it involve a lot of money or was it basic?

Sure, if feels great to buy a new car and new house...I’m not completely stupid. But that chemical feeling wears off. And you don’t need to throw away material things, especially if those items save you time.

If you have too many responsibilities, or have taken on too much, that can