It's Temporary, Babe: From Heartbreak to Happiness and Finding It within Myself

By Cassandra DeCicco

At twenty-six, Cassandra DeCicco thought she had life figured out and her future all mapped out. She had the guy, the wedding, the job, and the house-until she didn't. A shocking betrayal turned her fairy tale into a nightmare, and she spiraled down a deep emotional hole,

• Language: English
• Publisher: YGTMAMA Inc.
• Release date: Feb 7, 2023
• ISBN: 9781998754137

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Copyright @ 2023 Cassandra DeCicco

It’s Temporary, Babe! From Heartbreak to Happiness and

Finding It Within Myself.

YGTMedia Co. Trade Paperback Edition.

ISBN trade paperback: 978-1-998754-12-0

eBook: 9978-1-998754-13-7

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book can be scanned, distributed, or copied without permission. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher at [e-mail]—except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

The author has made every effort to ensure the accuracy of the information within this book was correct at time of publication. Some names have been changed to protect the identity of those discussed. The author does not assume and hereby disclaims any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from accident, negligence, or any other cause. This book is not intended to be a substitute for the medical advice of a licensed physician. The reader should consult with their doctor in any matters relating to their health.

The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.

Published in Canada, for Global Distribution by YGTMedia Co.

ygtmedia.co/publishing

To order additional copies of this book: [e-mail]

Edited by Kelly Lamb

Interior design and typesetting by Doris Chung

Cover design by Michelle Fairbanks

Author Photo by Alexa Fiskaa

table of contents

introduction

my fairy tale

moving forward, sort of

intuition

insecurity

this can’t be happening

divorce

who I was after divorce

rock bottom

why did I still care?

survival mode

acceptance

dating

codependency

therapy

manifesting and gratitude

yoga

signs

pressure

2020

loss

authenticity

comparison

what’s working

always moving forward

conclusion

acknowledgments

resources

This book is dedicated to Nanny, my guardian angel.

Thank you for sending me the message to write this book and share my story.

I love and miss you every day.

introduction

There I was, in the bathroom line of a very crowded bar, when I noticed a girl in front of me, puffy faced, with tears rolling out of her eyes, clearly crying to herself.

Are you okay? I asked.

No, I’m not, she said, in her slightly tipsy but emotional state.

What is it about girls and bar bathrooms that make you feel like everyone you meet is your best friend who you need to tell your whole life story to?

My fiancé and I just broke up. I think . . . I don’t know. He wants space out of nowhere and he wouldn’t tell me why and we just bought a house and a girl I don’t know started following him on Instagram last night! She was half slurring and half crying.

Ugh, screw him! I replied. If he doesn’t see how great you are, then that’s his loss. C’mon, let me buy you a drink! I offered, trying to pep her up. What I really wanted to say to her was, Geez, Girl—you have NO idea the emotional roller coaster that is coming for you. You are only in the very beginning, and the worst is definitely not over.

Of course, I couldn’t say that to her—this poor, broken, fragile girl. I had been in her shoes not too long ago, and if someone had said that to me, it would have destroyed me. Unfortunately, it was the truth. Maybe a warning would have been easier? I don’t know. On the other hand, I also would have told her that these feelings she was having—the pain, sadness, and confusion—would pass, eventually. It would get better, and she would come out stronger and more secure than ever. And how this could be the best thing to ever happen to her in the end.

The number of people I have come across over the years who have gone through this same scenario, or a similar situation, is higher than I can count. I would say to myself all of the time, "I’m going to write a book one day. I’m going to be there for women who have experienced heartbreak similar to mine feel like they aren’t alone. I’m going to give them hope that not only will they feel normal again, but they will be happier than ever and that it is all, eventually, going to be okay."

How do I know this? A month after my magical wedding day, my then husband said the very same thing to me. It was over before it even started—but it didn’t end there.

Grab your favorite notebook for when you are reading along, as each chapter offers journal prompts for you to explore and document your own journey!

my fairy tale

Once upon a time, on an island somewhere in between New Jersey and Brooklyn, there was a girl who was minding her own damn business, going to high school, and working at a bakery in the middle of town. She fell in love with the funny guy of the friend group, got married ten years later, only to be betrayed less than thirty days after their I dos. With her heart completely broken, she drank her feelings away, swiped for hours on dating apps, and hit rock bottom. But this wouldn’t be the end of her story. She would not stay in this state forever. She found a courage she never knew she had, started going to therapy, and found her authentic self and worth during the process.

Okay, so this is definitely not a fairy tale, but it is a pretty incredible story, if I do say so myself. Let’s start at the beginning. My name is Cassandra DeCicco and I am thirty-something years old. I grew up in Staten Island, New York, with my mom, dad, older sister, older brother, and twin sister, Emma. Emma and I are total opposites but have always been best friends and each other’s other half in life—then and now. When I was growing up, my house always had an open door, and friends, family, and neighbors were in and out constantly. There was a lot of love, a lot of laughs, a lot of food, and a lot of mixed personalities. It’s no surprise that our childhoods shape us into who we are as adults, but it wasn’t until my WTF moment when I realized how true this was. Growing up in this environment, I became an empath and a people pleaser who was always scared to be alone. I am a little bit of a neat freak, a homebody, and someone who loves hosting and having a lot of people around. We lived paycheck to paycheck, but we never knew it. Our house was filled with love and 5 p.m. family dinners every day mixed with arguments and yelling once a week when my parents sat down at the table to do the bills. With a strong dislike for conflict, I would shut down at the first sight of it. I became so used to the inconsistency in my household that it felt normal to me, and I didn’t know how to communicate or express my emotions for most of my life. Despite this, there was nothing I loved more than being around my family.

As a kid, I always pictured myself married, in a big house, taking care of my husband, and having kids running around everywhere. I met my high school sweetheart, Tony, at sixteen, and we were married by twenty-six. We grew up together, and even though we were young, we were very much in love. I remember feeling happier than ever when we married. Sadly, only one month later, my world was turned upside down. Tony, the love of my young adulthood, left me for a 21-year-old girl he had just met at the gym a few weeks before. I was crushed, blindsided, and absolutely devastated. I was losing my best friend and my partner of over ten years, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I had very low self-worth to begin with, and I couldn’t imagine ever bouncing back from the hole I was in. I lost my person, my house, my extended family, my group of friends, and I was living by myself for the first time in my entire life. I started doing anything and everything to numb the pain that I was feeling. Instead of dealing with the pain, I buried everything, hoping it all would just disappear. I worked ten-hour days and spent all of my free time excessively drinking and swiping on dating apps looking for my worth in all the wrong places. I was in a dark place and found myself at a crossroad. I could keep going down the destructive path I was on or learn from my experience and try to become a better person, which is exactly what I did.

How though? How do you take a shattered life and build something incredible from it? There were a few things that became my lifeline during those dark years. I found peace in journaling every step of the way, and I explored my spirituality and was committed to lean into my faith for the first time in my life. I focused on positivity and acceptance while really working on self-awareness and creating a life that I was in love with—on my own. I focused on where I wanted to be instead of what happened to me in the past. I became devoted to going inward and healing the things I had been pushing away from before my relationship and strived to be a version of myself that I liked. I became someone I would choose, someone I trusted.

Let’s check in

So often, we think, Why am I like this?

Going back and starting with how we grew up is a great first step to bring awareness to certain patterns. Think about your childhood and describe it in one sentence.

moving forward, sort of

Tony and I had met when I was sixteen and he was eighteen. We were such babies! He was a six-two Italian American from Staten Island. He had a stocky build with thick, dark brown hair, and dark brown eyes. When he wasn’t wearing jeans and clunky work boots, he sported a black t-shirt, sweatpants, and a new pair of Nikes. He had a very loud truck, was always the center of attention, and was the ultimate jokester of the group. I had never met someone who could make me laugh so effortlessly the way he did. He was very confident and silly at the same time. The first night we met, we clicked immediately. I felt connected to him right off the bat, even though it wasn’t in a romantic way. He was reliable, caring, and gave the best bear hugs. He had such a sense of safety about him, something I wasn’t used to in my life. His strong work ethic was admirable. If we were driving somewhere and he saw someone stuck on the side of the road, he