Straightened Toes

By Sherozina Sharma

As a young girl, Sherozina never imagined her journey to becoming a doctor would involve being a patient first; a cancer patient, more than ten thousand kilometres away from home and family.

Where she saw a dead end, He was building a new beginning. While she looked back at yesterday, He was composing a new journey.

Embedded within this story is a mother’s worst fear and a father’s helplessness. A family known for their togetherness, ironically now find themselves on three different continents, facing their toughest journey of love yet.

As each step forward revealed courage, faith and trust, only time would tell whether fleeting moments of strength and power were enough to sustain a daily fight for life itself. Will Esther ever forgive herself for leaving her daughter to battle cancer in a foreign land? Will Sherozina ever experience her losses being redeemed and the broken dreams restored? Will life ever be full again?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: Jan 23, 2018
• ISBN: 9781925739541

Book preview

STRAIGHTENED TOES

RASHI SHEROZINA SHARMA

www.sherozina.com

This is an IndieMosh book

brought to you by MoshPit Publishing

an imprint of Mosher’s Business Support Pty Ltd

PO BOX 147

Hazelbrook NSW 2779

http://www.indiemosh.com.au/

Copyright 2018 © Rashi Sherozina Sharma

All rights reserved

Licence Notes

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Disclaimer

Although the author has made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

I dedicate this book to my best friend (my mum), to my first love (my dad) and to my inspiration (my brother) …

Mamma, Papa and Bhaiyya,

That difficult day, ten years ago, caused me to lose sight of the future. But having travelled the world now, looking back I am truly blown away by the mountains climbed and the rivers crossed. Yet, none of these compares to the joy of one single day with you, under your arch of love and protection, taking in the beauty of life itself.

Thank you for believing in me and for me. I am so blessed that you are mine.

I love you forever.

From Me to You …

Hi there,

I am Sherozina. I am a young and free-spirited girl who loves everything about Life. I love God (anyone who knows me, knows that), I love my job (on most days at least), my city, my home and even my tiny, red, Toyota Yaris that has a big scratch on its side (oops!). I absolutely adore my family and I have many incredible friends who are so precious to me. Yes, growing up I was that little girl who found her joy in chasing butterflies and picking wild flowers (you may have rolled your eyes but my dad thought it was cute!) and I cannot deny that my love for colour and anything that sparkles has only grown with the years (of course you think I’m talking about diamonds, which is not entirely wrong but more like the glistening rays of sunrise and a sky full of stars is what I mean). Surely, that is a big part of who I am. But, I undoubtedly have an appreciation for the reality of life and hard days; an understanding that was birthed from personal experience but one that has developed each day; through my job. I am an Emergency doctor; I help save lives for a living and a lot of times, I see people die.

I look around and I see a lot of adversity; brokenness, failure, hurting relationships and much more. I then look within and I see that I get it, I have been there too...haven’t we all?! It’s all a part of this thing called life which we try to hold onto with everything that we have. My (and my family’s) only hope in writing this book is that it would encourage one other person (and hopefully a lot more) who is in the midst of a storm like I once was.

Being open and truly vulnerable is not in any way easy or glamorous - trust me - you will know what I mean as you turn the following pages...I have chosen not to talk about just the wonder, the beauty or the magic moments but be real about the ashes, the mess and the life changing moments....and perhaps, the real depth of life lies in the perfect blend of those two very different themes.

I wish you a rich, meaningful and wonderful life.

Sherozina

Rashi Sherozina Sharma is 29 years young and is an emergency doctor in New South Wales, Australia. 

In her words: Sherozina is of Indian origin, with Kenyan upbringing, English education, an American-Canadian accent but an Australian heart. 

Acknowledgements

To my family in India: You fill my life with richness. Thank you for showing me that distance does not matter; what matters is the heart of every relationship. I love you forever.

To Uncle Ramji: Thank you for being the first to believe in me; for sponsoring my education; and for encouraging and loving me like a father. You make me believe in miracles and good people. Thank you for teaching me the depths and principles of generosity. I love you.

To Jesal, Mehreen, Aida and Kasia: Thank you for being you! I still wonder about how our paths crossed but now I cannot imagine a single day of life without each one of you. Thank you for understanding me through the years and for always being there, so unconditionally, even at the midnight hour.

To Josie, Joyce, Jamie and Jaw: Thank you for being extraordinary friends and for making some of the hardest days of my life not only bearable but surprisingly fun. Good friends like you are an incredible blessing.

To Fahimeh, Rebecca and Hyacinth: Thank you for being my sisters away from home; for always encouraging me, caring for me and hoping for the best for me.

To Anne Adams and Sharon Rooney: Thank you for being the first ones to read this book and for all your wisdom and guidance. I am so thankful for you as my mentors in a foreign land.

To Tommy Sheehan: Thank you for being a wonderful friend and father figure to me. You never fail to make me smile. You are so precious to me.

To my godson, Rainne and goddaughters, Sherozina Belle and Maya: You are all a miracle and the most beautiful of all gifts. You fill my life with God-colours and sunshine. I love you forever and ever.

To Shana: Thank you for your tireless labour in editing this book and for understanding my heart behind it from the first day I met you.

To Viral: Thank you for designing my website and for being so faithful in friendship through the years.

To all my friends across the globe: Thank you for being such a beautiful and significant part of my life in different and ongoing seasons.

To my Heavenly Father: Thank you for life and for love. To You be all the glory.

Introduction

Dear Reader,

I love stories. I love reading them, listening to them and also telling them. I cannot deny that one of my favourite things in life is reading a captivating book. I also sometimes find myself happily listening to my 92-year-old patient when he goes off on a tangent telling me about his days in the army; or to my fragile but feisty, little old lady patient telling me how she married the man sitting beside her, holding her hand. My friends say that I always have an amazing story to tell; they are not always mine but many are those that I have read, heard or seen. I love real, heart-moving stories.

Today I have decided to tell a story. My story. However, hidden within my story is the story of a mother who faced one of the most challenging moments of motherhood; tangled between unconditional love and important decisions, she found herself alone in a storm, tossed by waves of fear of losing what she loved the most. This is not just my story; it is also that of a father who felt completely incapacitated as the love of his life battled for life itself whilst being miles away from him. So, embedded within the chapters of this book is actually a glimpse of one of the most challenging seasons for a family.

Those of you who have watched me grow know that my life so far has been an extraordinary journey and I have many stories to tell. I have achieved highly, travelled a lot and experienced much; but this story remains my favourite of all. It is very dear to my heart because it shows me the beauty of life; the essence of simple moments; and the value of good parenting, relationships, health and perseverance. It reveals to me my inner self and helps me define who I was truly designed to be. But most importantly, it reminds me of the greatness of God––His love, grace and incredible faithfulness.

I am so blessed that I encounter so many life-changing stories daily with each patient that is brought in through the hospital Emergency door. I get to know so much about their lives, their loss and pain. I watch people die often. It is not an easy thing to do and I hope it never becomes an easy thing to do because behind the pain there is a constant reminder of the value of life, and a constant reminder to cherish that value. I hope that I can sincerely share a glimpse of that value, and portray why I love life so much and want to live every moment of it. Forgive me for some dark chapters in this book, especially in the beginning, and also for any details that might come across as disturbing. I am aware that being a doctor can occasionally mean that I have the ability to talk about things in detail that people may be scared of, like blood and needles. But I assure you that I have tried to include only those details that I feel shed light on the real experience, rather than some patchy, painted picture that is falsely pretty.

We all have hurts and aching areas of our lives, both you and me. So, with all honesty, I would like to admit that I have sincerely prayed that as I share my journey and my feelings I will not seek for self-pity, or even praise, and rob God of His glory. I feel very accomplished and blessed in life but my intentions behind writing this book are not to flaunt my strengths. In fact I deeply hope that I will portray God's unchanging character even through all my brokenness. I therefore ask for your permission to allow me to write this book as an outsider. Although this is very much MY story, the deeper fact is that it is HIS (God's) story and so I will be referring to me as 'she'.

Lastly, I would like to confess that despite having experienced first hand every moment of this story that I am about to tell you, I find myself reliving a lot of these moments each day. I have written and rewritten the pages of this book many times and yet, even today, it is so tangible and so real. Every time I think about it, relive it in my thoughts, or read the words I have written on these pages, it moves my heart so deeply and I pray that this story will speak to your heart too …

This is my journey through cancer.

God bless you,

Sherozina.

CHAPTER ONE:

Secret Places & Hidden Treasures

I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am God who calls you by name!

(Isaiah 45:3 NIV)

28th November 2007.

Two huge crystal tears stood for an instant in Esther’s deep, rheumy eyes, then brimmed over and rolled down her pale cheeks. Her little baby had just been diagnosed with cancer! She was only 19 …

Is it treatable? she asked the doctor.

Yes.

A long pause followed … The world appeared blurry and tears doused Sherozina’s face.

Is it curable? Sherozina asked him finally, her voice softer than a whisper.

He looked at her and then looked at her mother and gave it a few seconds before replying, perhaps hoping the silence would be his indirect answer, I am afraid, Sherozina, I do not know!

Sherozina’s thoughts were in turmoil. What was her mother feeling? Engulfed in a tornado of emotions, which had suddenly erupted within the walls of their hearts, words could never do justice to painting a picture of what life had just so unexpectedly hit them with. As Sherozina walked down the cold hospital corridor, every step was a challenge and she felt exhausted. It seemed as if every cell of her body was crumbling up, causing a painful pressure to build within her. She felt suffocated and she just wanted to explode!

As they sat in the cancer ward waiting room, Sherozina struggled to breathe. The air seemed to weigh heavier than usual and each breath was like inhaling water, making her lungs drag down with excess weight. Gently, she slid her fingertips down the left side of her neck, where the wound had begun …

11th July 2008.

Sherozina gently touched the rugged scar on the left side of her neck as she looked at the bald girl standing across from her in the mirror. Her neck and the left side of her face were numb, as a result of damaged nerves during her surgery. Her eyes were puffy and her face was swollen, she sadly observed. A tear rolled over her right cheek, burning through her paper skin as it made its way down to her jaw line and disappeared. For the hundredth time she examined her fragile skin; its transparency revealed the veins that lay beneath, making her look much older than nineteen. She forced a smile but felt her heart ache as she noticed the significantly receding gums and responded by suppressing her natural smile to a fake and prettier one, according to her own teenage mind. She missed the feeling of freshly washed hair on her face; she missed her long eye lashes that complemented her big, talkative eyes; she missed her glow; she missed being able to wear a pretty dress on a Saturday morning and twirl around in front of the mirror in joy; she missed her lovely feet and being able to paint her toe nails, most of which had fallen out; she missed wearing her high heels, which were now painful with her foot ulcers and inflamed toe knuckles. She missed feeling beautiful. But most of all she missed her vibrant, passionate and joyful spirit. Sherozina missed her sparkle; she missed her real self.

She took a step back from the mirror and the dressing table and looked