Parenting With Open Eyes

By Dr. Don N. Bacchus

PARENTING WITH OPEN EYES is written primarily for parents. The intent of this book is to provide knowledge, encourage awareness, and help develop insight regarding the challenging task of raising a child. You do not have to be a perfect parent to raise a good citizen. Be willing to learn. Be warm and nurturing with your child. Instill in him a tremendous capacity to love. The topics contained in this book are many and the coverage is broad. We must protect and nurture our children if we are to become a caring and considerate society.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Outskirts Press
• Release date: Apr 19, 2023
• ISBN: 9781977263292

Dr. Don N. Bacchus

Dr. Don N. Bacchus graduated from Andrews University and the University of Hartford. He completed internships in both clinical and school psychology. Dr. Bacchus passed the National Licensing Board Examination in Professional Psychology in 1983. He served as a clinical psychologist and as a school psychologist in the states of Michigan and Florida for a total of thirty-seven years. Dr. Bacchus taught university classes in psychology at the University of Central Florida. During his career, Dr. Bacchus published several professional articles. He is also the author of the books Beyond Psychotherapy – 123 Life Changing Ideas and Savior of the Child. Dr. Bacchus and his wife, Roseanne, (a retired classroom teacher) have been married for over 50 years. Their daughter, Karen, is a doctor of pediatric medicine and their son, Joseph, is a doctor of clinical psychology. Dr. Bacchus and his wife have two grandsons—Joshua and Aaron—to whom this book is dedicated.

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Parenting With Open Eyes

All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2023 Dr. Don N. Bacchus

v3.0

The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.

This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Outskirts Press, Inc.

http://www.outskirtspress.com

ISBN: 978-1-9772-6329-2

Cover Photo © 2023 Roseanne Bacchus. All rights reserved - used with permission.

Outskirts Press and the OP logo are trademarks belonging to Outskirts Press, Inc.

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Special thanks to my wife, Roseanne, for all her love and support in writing this book. In the text, the use of the pronoun he in reference to the child is in no way a reflection of gender bias. It is only used for simplicity and convenience. Many important concepts in this book are repeated for emphasis and reinforcement.

INTRODUCTION

Any person can become a parent. There are no requirements. You do not have to attend any special classes and you do not have to subject yourself to any special evaluations. As a parent you can either help your child to become an independent, productive, loving adult or you can participate in the destruction of his life. To be an effective parent you must possess knowledge and you must develop parenting skills. You must be aware of your child’s functioning and you must be aware of the impact you are having on him. Your child is not here to meet your needs. Do not seek anything in return. It is your job to coach your child into becoming a mature adult. There are essential life skills that he will need to learn. As a parent, dedicate yourself to the mission of developing in your child a tremendous capacity to love.

CONTENTS

Prevention

Major Focus

Self-Improvement

Some Essential Life Skills

Limited Time/Positive Experiences

Normal

A Sense Of Safety

Stimulation

Safety

Imitation

Compliance

Early Indoctrination

Bedtime

Structure

Your Child Is A Child

Your Child’s Development

Independent Thinking

Temperament

Self Acceptance

The Gift Of Conscience

Trauma

Exercise

Stress

Impulse Control

Rigidity

Awareness

Music

Manage Your Anxiety

Goals

Boundaries

Love Is What You Do

Home Education

Frustration

Following A Schedule

Work And Play

Let’s Go Outside

Lovingkindness

Choice

Power Of Intelligence

Willingness To Suffer

Creativity

Get Up And Dance

Violence

Rhythm

Early Specialization

Technology

Motor System Development

Visual Spatial Development

Language Development

Separation From Parents

Process And Outcomes

Construct System/Destruct System

Early Indoctrination

Relaxation

Concentration

Self-Expression

Intuition

Death

Competence

School Shootings

Self-Defense

Your Child’s Certainty

Negative Emotions

Mental Illness

Racism

Truth

Rational Thinking

Adolescence

Peace With Your Past

Body Health/Body Joy

Mystery

Suicide

Problem Solving

Confidence

Always Right

Strengths And Weaknesses

Individualized Approaches

Social Relationships

A Simple Life

Wisdom

Success

Addictions

Self-Evaluation

Repression

Regression

Play

A Large World View

Forgiveness

Take Some Time To Waste Some Time

Good Memories

Bullying

Becoming A Good Student

Toxic Parents

Your Frightened Child

Behavior Management

Sexual Unfolding

Daily Conversations

Emotional Development

The Joys Of Laughter

Sacredness And Reverence

Abstract Ability

Asking For Help

Like A Sponge

Sensory Stimulation

Nutrition For Your Child

Your Gifted Child

Homework

Practice-Practice-Practice

Grade Retention

Your Child’s Authentic Self

Divorce And Your Child

Child Abuse And Neglect

Stories And Poems

Kindness And Sharing

Truth And Honesty

Teaching And Coaching

Learning To Observe

The Biracial Child

The Child Raised In Poverty

The Monster Called Repressed Rage

Think On These Things

The Reserved Child

A Great Thinker

Sibling Rivalry

The Depressed Child

The Non-Verbal Child

Toilet Training Your Child

Improving Your Child’s Sleep

Drug Proofing Your Child

Parenting And Marriage

Imagine And Pretend

Psychiatric Diagnoses

Exceptional Education

The Slow Learner

Auditory Processing Disorder

Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder

Advocating For Your Child

Your Child And Sports

The Importance Of Play

Your Child’s Body Image

Learn To Be Happy

Let Your Baby Grow Up

Raising Your Child’s Intelligence

The Key To Success

Autism Disorder

Test Taking Skills

Power Over You

Doing The Opposite

Towards An Accurate Diagnosis

Knowing The Cause

Coping Skills

The Only Child

Something To Connect To

Positive And Realistic Self-Talk

To Respond And To Initiate

Teach Your Child To Feel

Respect Your Child

Fun With Your Child

Your Adopted Child

Grandparents

Single Parent Families

Blended Families

A Great Father

A Great Mother

Strong And Assertive

Winning And Losing

How To Talk To Your Child

Readiness For The Structure Of School

Living In The Real World

Brain Injury

The Teenage Brain

Hiding Behind A Medical Diagnosis

Great Teachers

Success

Trust

Teach Your Child To Read

Pet Or No Pet

Education Changes Over Time

An Over-Stimulated Child

Conflict With The Law

School Involvement

Academic Achievement

Conduct Disorder/Emotional Impairment

Working Parents

Beliefs And Facts

Your Child’s Interests And Passions

Passionate Visualization

Religion And Your Child

The American Dream

Your Child And Social Media

Your Child And Allergies

Self-Defeating Behaviors

Family With A Handicapped Child

Television And Your Child

Intervention

Stick To The Basics

Count Your Blessings

Unhealthy Homes/Unhealthy Schools

Emotionally Available To Your Child

Raising A Responsible Child

Do Not Try To Save The World

The Power Of Your Unconditional Love

PREVENTION

There are two aspects to prevention. The first concern is preventing a problem from developing. The second issue is preventing a problem from getting worse. Be vigilant and invest in your child’s physical and mental health. Make every effort to prevent your child from experiencing physical accidents and emotional traumas. Evaluate the possible impact of every activity on your child with an eye towards the risks and the benefits. Reduce the stress on your child so that he does not experience crippling anxiety disorder.

MAJOR FOCUS

Your major focus as a parent is to raise a good citizen who is fully capable of independent and productive functioning. There are three targets to keep in mind. The first goal is to prevent your child from going to an early grave. This is about safety and decision making. The second goal is to keep your child from the hell of prison. This is about conscience, and self-regulation. The third goal is to keep your child from being admitted to a psychiatric hospital. This is about managing anxiety, anger, fear, and sadness. With these three goals in mind, you must teach your child essential life skills such as safety, compliance to authority, and social appropriateness. As a parent, you must teach your child to know the difference between right and wrong and help him to develop a conscience. He must learn to obey the laws of society. Your child must be able to control his impulses—especially his anger. You must teach your child to relax, and help him develop the inner strength to cope with age-appropriate demands. As a parent, you want your child to grow up to be a happy, creative, and productive person.

SELF-IMPROVEMENT

The one best thing that you can do for your child is to become a competent parent. Work towards self-improvement. Cultivate an open mind and a willingness to learn. There is a lot that we do not know and there is a lot to learn. We do not have all the answers. Read a book on parenting. Talk to your church pastor or maybe the next-door neighbor who is raising children. Work to improve your physical and mental health. Be a good role model. Strive to become a good citizen. Know the difference between right and wrong and cultivate a conscience. Learn to be kind and loving. It is not only about what you know and what you do. It is mostly about who you are. Are you hateful and angry? Are you depressed? Do you function with heightened anxiety? Warning! If you suffer from significant mental illness, you will destroy your child. It is that simple. Your role as a parent is to facilitate your child’s development as an independent, loving, and fully functioning adult.

SOME ESSENTIAL LIFE SKILLS

The acquisition of essential life skills will make your child feel competent and confident. Some essential life skills are walking, talking, feeding himself, toilet training, using a pair of safety scissors, learning to read, basic math skills, basic writing skills, sitting still and completing an assigned task, completing a challenging task, greeting others, having a conversation, self-control, using the telephone, dressing himself, learning to take a shower, following a schedule, cooperation and team work, focus and concentration, making friends, performing household chores, safety knowledge, basic cooking skills, solving a simple problem, coping with his emotions, dealing effectively with frustration, doing laundry, organizational skills, personal healthcare, budgeting, problem solving, managing time, technology skills, making a decision, and learning to drive.

LIMITED TIME/POSITIVE EXPERIENCES

To produce a happy and successful child you must expose him to many positive experiences. Life is about engaging in meaningful activities in view of limited time. As a parent, help to develop your child’s creativity. Help him to learn essential life skills so that he can become competent, independent, and productive. One positive experience can have a tremendous and enduring impact on his life. Your child will not wake up one day with acquired skills. He must be taught and he must practice. There is no time to waste.

NORMAL

Your child is unique. It is your job to discover your child and to delight yourself in his special ways. Be a keen observer. Your child may be different and yet quite normal. The definition of normal is average functioning for your child’s specific age. There is a significant range that is considered to be normal. Children develop at their own rate. In some areas of functioning your child may be ahead and in some areas he may be behind. Be patient and wait for your child to mature. There is no reason to compare your child with other children. Keep in mind the concept of readiness. You can enhance your child’s readiness to learn new skills by making sure he is physically healthy and by providing him with enjoyable sensory and intellectual stimulation. Do not pressure. Stress is bad for your child. If you are concerned about his rate of development, you should first talk to your child’s pediatrician. You may also ask for a consultation with your local school psychologist to discuss your concerns. Should you observe rocking behaviors, head-banging, failure to respond to your voice, or excessive and prolonged crying, you should get in touch with your child’s pediatrician immediately. If a developmental assessment is completed, ask the clinician whether or not your child is above average or below average. Normal is quite a large range.

A SENSE OF SAFETY

Give your child a sense of safety and security. When he is in distress, go to him immediately and comfort him. Cuddle your baby to make him feel loved and feel connected to you. As your baby grows older, a soft light blanket will add to his comfort. Your baby will also enjoy soft, cuddly toys. When you carry your baby, hold him in a secure and safe manner close to your body. Let him feel your heartbeat and the warmth of your body. This contact comfort will make your baby feel safe, secure, and loved.

STIMULATION

Provide a stimulating environment for your child but do not go overboard. Sensory over-load should be avoided. Allow sufficient room for your baby to kick his legs and move his arms. Your child’s room should be colorful. Soft music will provide some auditory stimulation. Look at your child’s face when you talk to him. Read to your child from the beginning. Let him look at large pictures. A gentle massage will feel good. You can shake a rattle from one side and then from the other side and encourage him to follow the sound. Sing songs to your child. Have him look in a mirror. Let your child enjoy the aroma coming from your kitchen. As he gets older, allow your child to experience different tastes.

SAFETY

As a parent, commit yourself to the preservation of your child’s life and to the enhancement of his health. There are many safety precautions that you must take and there are safety measures that you must teach your child. Supervise your young child at all times and especially so when he is in a risky environment. Do not allow your child to go to the driveway by himself. Never allow your child to play in the street. Keep your doors closed. Do not allow your child to be on high places. Never leave young children alone with family dogs. Never leave your child locked up in a vehicle. Transporting your child in a motor vehicle is full of risks. Be careful when you drive. Make sure the tires on your vehicle are safe and properly inflated. Make sure that everyone wears a seatbelt. In regards to food, teach your child to