Sixteen

By Ritika Kashyap

The world can seem like a great place for some people but for some, it's a living nightmare. It feels like no matter where they go, trouble follows them. The more they run away from the trouble, the closer they get to it.

Ritika was also running away from her troubles in the past but ended up in worse. With no one to help or look out for her, the world seemed more lonely and dangerous than she’d ever imagined. After running away from her home, molested by her teacher, she ended up in a city she has only seen on TV, Mumbai.

She was scared and lost. But she refused to lose hope.

This journey takes you through a teenager's neglected feelings building and pushing her up to the limits of practically taking her bags and running away...

• Language: English
• Publisher: One Point Six Technologies Pvt Ltd
• Release date: Apr 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9789356108431

Ritika Kashyap

Ritika Kashyap, an enthusiastic writer and reader, has a passion for storytelling that is matched only by her love of interior design. Dubbed ""The Solo Girl"" by her peers, Ritika is an independent spirit who isn't afraid to blaze her own trail. When she's not crafting compelling narratives, you can find her exploring the world, seeking out new and exciting cuisines, or indulging her wanderlust with a solo trip. With a diverse background spanning multiple industries, Ritika brings a unique perspective to her work, drawing on her experiences to create relatable and authentic characters.Her debut novel, ""Sixteen,"" is a coming-of-age story that follows a young girl's journey to the City of Dreams, Mumbai.

Book preview

1

Strong Enough

May 2011, Jaipur

Iwas scared.

Do you remember a time in your life when you wanted to say something that was extremely important to you, but you didn’t because you were scared no one would care?

My heart was gripped by this same fear once upon a time, when everything including my gut, told me I would be stupid if I said anything. Maybe I was!

It would have been a lot easier that day if I would have just listened to my gut and taken a step back, or if I never would have climbed that stage in the first place. But that wasn’t who I was, a coward. I couldn’t stay quiet knowing that my silence would endanger a few other lives besides my own.

I felt like I would die if I said anything. but believe me losing your self-respect is way worse than losing your life. Being dead is easier than getting on your feet and fighting against the world every single day. But that’s what great women do; they fall, get back up, slap on some mascara, and fight for what they believe in.

I believe that no matter who you are, you have the right to live the way you want. I believed that all of us deserved equal respect as human beings. But in high school, our coach was making it hard for me and a few other girls to live that way. He looked at us with bad intentions and one could almost see the shameless ideas bubbling inside his bulbous head. He would touch our private parts sometimes on the pretext of teaching us, and more than once a day he got uncomfortably close.

Soon everyone began to leave, or should I say they were smart enough to leave, until came a day when there was no other girl left on the team except me, because I wasn’t willing to back off like that because of fear.

I am not much of a fighter though. I can’t even go to the toilet at midnight after watching a horror film. I had other strengths. For one, I was strong enough to stand for what I believed was right. The bastard continued to try and touch me during every sports class I attended. I went up asking my friends and classmates for help. But all they did was tell me not to mind it or take it to heart, and that I, being a girl, was probably over thinking or that I was insane to think like that about a teacher.

I made up my mind to fight him myself. But at the end of the day I couldn’t stand alone against a man who was a higher authority, not to mention I didn’t have any proof against him except for a few other girls who had gone through the same. But even they were not ready to support me for fear of getting a bad reputation in school and in society.

Soon, I began to doubt myself and wonder if I was wrong in making an issue bigger than it was. So what if he had just touched me, maybe it wasn’t wrong. For days I thought of giving up because no one else was willing to support me. I thought I was being an idiot. But being as stubborn as I was I thought of fighting back even if I had to do it alone and also because I understood the other girls’ point of view. Their parents were rich and had a name and status in the society to uphold, things which never mattered to me. So, I stood by my decision.

I kept thinking about ways to get out of class as the situation got worse every day. I felt like running away and hiding from the world. Yeah, as if that was ever going to happen! I thought about killing him. But no, murder wasn’t one of my specialties, not even after watching Cat-woman a few hundred times. I thought about quitting, which meant suicide for me.

No! Damn! Way!

I was too precious to myself to end my life. In the end, when it got unbearable and I could no longer let my self-respect be harmed everyday and take home that basket full of pain, I finally decided to leave playing basketball for good. It was either that or losing my mental peace completely due to the continuous degradation of my self-esteem.

Unexpectedly, the summer ended and Coach Sir left. I was happy knowing that I wouldn’t have to go through something so painfully awful again. It was a huge relief for me. I didn’t even have to fight him. Happy day! When I thought about it, I was too damn chicken to do so anyway. I thought I didn’t have to worry about anything anymore. I resumed my studies, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t get him out of my head. I couldn’t study as his face kept coming before my eyes. No matter what I did, I kept seeing him, feeling his rough hands exploring my body. I thought playing might help.

I tried exploring sports like badminton and kho-kho, but nothing worked. I had no interest in them, and I couldn’t risk playing basketball again. Every night when I went home I dreamt of him coming back and everything going back to how it was before. With all these thoughts I couldn’t study properly and I completely wasted a year. Thankfully, I didn’t fail, but I wasn’t the topper anymore. I kept struggling to become the best again but all in vain. I was pretty much a useless piece of shit by then. And one day during the next summer he came back to our school.

2

My Last Year in School

May 2011, Jaipur

Iwill never forget that day.

To everyone else it was a regular school day, with a few minutes left for the morning assembly to end. All the teachers were looking at me as I stood before the microphone on stage. Everyone was restless already and wanted me to quickly get done with the morning news or message of the day or whatever it was that I was there to say and get my butt off the stage. But the only thing that I could think about was the face of the monster I had seen in the morning.

As I saw him standing merely a few meters away I felt as if I was living a nightmare with my open eyes. The mere sight of him made me go weak in the knees and feel more helpless than ever. I badly wanted to do something about it, but even if I was as strong as a WWE fighter I had to fight the urge to go and jump on him.

I jerked myself out of my thoughts and realized I was still on stage with people still staring at me, probably a thousand kids fixated, with their eyes boring a hole through me. My heart began thumping like a drum and I felt my heartbeat rise and choke my throat till it became hard for me to breathe. I somehow managed to take a deep breath, closed my eyes and told myself ‘It’s now or never!’ And then I spoke.

Today, I’m not here to read the morning news or the message of the day. I’m here to say what I’ve been trying to say for over a year now. Every day when I stand in front of you, I feel naked. I feel as if I’m hurt but can’t do anything about it. Why is it that when a girl is touched by a guy she has to endure the horror of it all and after that get blamed and defamed for it? No one reacted. Some students shuffled and began to whisper. I went on:

Is it fair for girls to be molested and not say a single word just because people will think their izzat has been taken? Today, I don’t care about any of that, and would like to let everyone know something. I have been molested within this school, by none other than our basketball coach sir. So tell me now, who will society blame - me or the school or coach sir? The entire assembly was dumbfounded as they realized what I had just said. While some stared at each other confused as they didn’t understand the term ‘molested’, I continued.

I know it’s my fault for not speaking up earlier. I was afraid this action might, and now probably will, earn me and my family a really bad reputation, but now I don’t care. I don’t care because I cannot let any other girl go through the same pain that I was forced to, and then stand here in my place 2-3 weeks later. When I think about it now I deeply regret not speaking of this incident earlier, and I curse myself for being a coward, but I cannot keep something like this inside me for another second of my life. I looked at Aayushi. She had tears in her eyes but behind her I saw my friends laughing at me. My knees began to tremble.

I cannot bear suppressing my pain and anger every time I look in the mirror because I know I’m not wrong. Today I will not be quiet because I want you all to know that even though I’m as young as his granddaughter he never thought twice before he put his hands on me. Everyone gasped Tears rolled down my cheeks. I gulped. All the teachers looked at each other’s faces in disbelief. He molested me last year, and not just once. I know it has been a long time now. Trust me, I tried my best to forget about it, to let it go, but I can’t. I looked at the faces of the teachers. They were wiping their tears with the pallu of their sarees. I wanted to stop talking but I had come too far and couldn’t stop now.

Since that day last year, I have cried myself to sleep every single night, and I feel like I was convicted right from when I was born just because I am a girl. I still try to forget everything but I can’t because I feel I let myself be molested. I let it all happen… My voice trailed off as I dropped onto my knees and began to cry.

I felt like I had made a huge mistake. Everyone was now looking at me saw me as a girl who was raped. It filled me with a strong sense of self-pity, but at the same time also gave me the courage to speak. I took a deep breath and wiped away my tears and then stood up again.

I know I can’t prove that he is wrong. But believe me a man like him can never change! He molested a girl his granddaughter’s age. I know he can hurt me or my family and call me a liar, but I can’t just think about myself and let other girls suffer the same way I did. I looked at my seniors. "He is sitting outside. If any of you have a sister and you don’t want to see them standing in my place one year from now then I have a request. If you can’t put a bullet through his heart, at least give him a tight slap on my behalf. Thank you!"

I turned towards the office. I thought of joining the row of my class but then realized everyone was still staring me. My feet froze, and I held my breath as I waited for a sensible thought to come into my head. Before I knew it, I was pulled by my arm straight into the Principal’s office, where the Vice Principal and all other head authorities were waiting for me. I heard them accusing me of attempting to ruin the reputation of the institution.

I concluded that I was going to be kicked out of the school for speaking up. This would become a black mark on my educational record forever. To a troubled teenaged student, this meant the end. But I didn’t lose hope. After all, I didn’t have a reputation for stubbornness without reason.

I was in Principal Ma’am’s room for the first time in my life, with all the head authorities standing behind me. My chair was facing towards Principal Ma’am. They looked at me like I was a terrorist. The fact that I did act like one is beside the point. I mean, going up on stage and telling everyone about such an incident seemed like nothing short of terrorism. Suddenly I regretted doing that. What the hell was I thinking?!! That was really a serious pant wetting job I did there. I looked down at my crotch. Thankfully I was still fine. I looked at them with my eyes still moist, waiting for justice but the only thought running through my mind was that I was in deep shit.

Did I mention that that was the first day of my 10th grade? What a fabulous way to go on the first day! I wondered if it was the nervousness of the approaching board exams in 10th that made me believe I was Gandhi during the Satyagraha movement. What was next then? Fighting Englishmen, making salt, or going to jail? Perhaps the answer was all of the above, if I failed to convince the higher authorities that what I said was true. Not a single person dared to breathe before our Principal ma’am, at any point in time. She turned to our Vice Principal and asked her to repeat each word I had said. I thought she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. But she did. She had one hell of a memory. When she finished, Principal ma’am turned to look at me.

Why didn’t you come to me when all of this happened?

Ma’am it happened last year in the month of May and you were not in school that time.

I understand, but if that was the case you could have met Vice Principal ma’am in my absence. She is the in-charge whenever I am away.

Ma’am I tried but…

But what? her voice got louder. You forgot the way to the office, and then suddenly today a year later you decided to go on stage and puke all that rubbish thinking you will be rewarded for this stupid act of yours? Do you think this is a movie? Did you think even once before degrading our school’s image?

This pissed me off. I stood up, which took her by surprise. Judging from her face, she looked at me as if she wanted to shoot me in the head. Sit down! She shouted. I was so scared I trembled. When you are a girl in high school, the words ‘principal’, ‘periods’ and ‘punishment’ can scare the hell out of you. Co-incidentally they all start with P and nobody likes either of them.

I don’t think I should, I forced myself to say.

What?! I saw the expression on her face changing.

I tried 13 times to meet Vice Principal Ma’am but I was turned down every time because she was busy. And today, when I went up on stage ‘puking’ what I thought was saving the lives and dignity of all those girls, you have no right to label it as something degrading the image of this school. Ma’am, I respect you a lot and of all people I expect you have to understand that I was just trying to keep those girls from experiencing the same pain I went through so that they would never reach a stage where they would have to do what I did today. Maybe it was wrong according to you, but I believe what I did today was not wrong at all. You can still point me out as detrimental, but do you have any idea how I must have felt? No, you don’t! Not when it happened, nor when I spoke out today. You know if I hadn’t done it today someone else would definitely do it, tomorrow or the day after. But by then it would have been too late. I closed my eyes for a while and rested my hands on her desk, then raised my head to look at her.

I did not want to do it. In fact, I felt absolutely pathetic on that stage, even more than I feel right now. Haven’t I already gone through enough with Coach Sir that I had to bear all of this now from you, the people I expected to protect me? I was quiet for almost a year because I didn’t want the reputation of your school go down the drain. And after all that what did I get in return? Embarrassment, frustration and on top of that, insult. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I wiped them off.

I felt victorious. Finally, the chicken was able to raise her voice for something. I laughed in my head. I couldn’t believe I said all that standing in front of our principal of all people! She lowered her head as she realized I was right.

Sit down, she said gently.Tell us exactly what happened, and we will do everything we can to compensate the damage to you and heal your self-respect.

I don’t want you to heal my self-respect, I said, exasperated. "What good will it do me? I just want you to take some strong action against Coach Sir so that he will never repeat such a monstrosity with any other